Dark Attractions to Light
by KiyaNamiel
Summary: Sequel to Dark Fascinations of Light. I was once the slave of Morgoth, but now I am servant of Melkor. Morgoth shattered my life, but Melkor glued the pieces back together. I was a vessel for the Secret Flame of Eru, but I gave that up willingly. Now, I have been called back for another, final task, and given back what I had given up. What am I supposed to do with it now? AU Temp H
1. Prologue

_If you have not read the first book Dark Fascinations of Light, then I highly suggest you do because you will be completely confused if you don't. I will also explicitly state here that this is AU. Some of it sticks very close to canon, but other parts are very different, owing to the events from the previous book. So please, keep this warning in mind. I have no objections to people who have not read the previous book reading this one, but it will be confusing._

 _But otherwise, please enjoy this one, and I hope it will be as well-received as the last!_

 **Prologue**

 _"Mom? I have a confession to make."_

 ** __Silmarillion_Dark_Lords_Silmarillion__**

Mom looked at me for a moment as I sat there, elbows on my knees as I pressed my trembling fingers to my lips. Then she sat down next to me, and took my hands into hers.

"You know you can tell me anything, Celine," she answered softly. I took a deep breath.

"To be honest, it's hard to think of myself as a twenty-year old," I began slowly. "For one thing, I was in a coma for four years so they tell me, and I have no knowledge of anything that went on during that time. So, I still feel... Fifteen," I said, and she nodded, rubbing my knuckles slowly. "But another reason it's difficult is because I- I think of myself as being so, so much older."

Mom blinked, and a puzzled wrinkle appeared between her eyebrows. "Why, dear? Is it because of the trauma?" she asked innocently, and I smiled faintly.

"No. But do you remember how much I love Tolkien's works?" I asked with a small smile, and she smiled wryly.

"I couldn't forget, not since that's how it all started," she answered in an attempt at levity. I pinned her with a stern look for a moment, and then saw her flinch in surprise and lowered my eyes.

"I'm sorry. I forget that my gaze can do that to mortals," I said out of habit, and her hands tightened.

"Mortals?" her voice was strained. I looked up.

"I know you'll think me perhaps totally crazy, but I have proof. There is a Middle Earth. And I've been there," I looked her straight in the eye. "For hundreds of years I was there. Look me in the eyes and tell me they don't look too old for any human," I said firmly, and my mother stared into my eyes. Then after a moment fear seemed to bleed into them and she looked down, taking a shuddering breath.

"You're right," she said softly. "But how?" she asked warily.

So I told her my story, though admittedly a very child-friendly version and omitting Ancalagon, drawing away from her and pacing the living room. Mom listened quietly, only occasionally interrupting in confusion at some comment I made, which I explained. When I finally got to the end, I picked a quiet Esgalnoron up and stroked the fur on the top of his head gently, kissing it.

~You did well.~

~Thank you, dear brother.~

When I looked at Mom, there were tears running down her cheeks. "I believe you," she whispered. "Oh honey, I believe you so much," she choked, burying her face into her hands and sobbing. Immediately, I rushed to her and set Esgalnoron down.

"Mom? Oh Mom, I didn't mean to make you distressed-" I exclaimed worriedly, but she shook her head and managed to dry her tears.

"No, no, Celine. The truth is, I haven't been completely honest with you either," she hitched as I handed her a tissue. "You see, I couldn't forgive myself for four years while you were unresponsive, and the reason I never pulled the plug on you as everyone advised me to was not only because it was so unethical, but also because I prayed to God so hard that you would wake up so I could make amends," she sniffled, and I sat down.

"Whatever it is, Mom, be assured that I will forgive you, as I can do no less. And I will not love you any less. I have seen far stranger things," I smiled wanly as she managed a watery laugh.

"Thank you. And now, I feel even more guilty, as if I had told you before this all happened, you might have been better prepared for your own adventure. There is a reason you were so interested in Tolkien's works, Celine, and a reason why I encouraged you in your seeming obsessive mania over it. It's because it is your true history, dear," she took my hands again and looked down at them. "Your father- he really did die in military service. I would never lie to you. But I did hide one thing from you. He was not from Earth. He was from Middle Earth. And I believed him because he showed me proof."

I sat stone still, my mind suddenly whirling frantically as certain puzzle pieces clicked into place. My lips went white. "What was his name? His real name?" I asked through cracked lips.

My mom squeezed my hands. "His name was Ciaran."

For a moment my brain shut down. Then the name bounced around in my head as I blinked stupidly. "Who?" I asked, only half-coherently.

"Ciaran. He was of the race of the Dúnedain he told me, descended from a king named Tar-Minyataur," she replied calmly, and my brain kicked back into gear.

"A Dúnedain," I breathed. "Which means..."

~Which means you're related to Aragorn, indirectly with Elrond, and also a descendant of Eärendil.~ Esgalnoron breathed, coming to the same conclusions as I did.

"Diluted blood," I gasped, leaping up and grabbing Esgalnoron, shaking him as he yapped. "Maiarin blood, Elven blood, and human blood. That explains _everything_!" I yelped. "Can't you see Esgalnoron? Every Maiar knows a kin when he sees one! That's why Ada was drawn to me, that's why I was able to travel between worlds, that's how I was able to tap into my Elven blood, that's how I was able to go to middle earth!" I said, dropping down as puzzle pieces began to come together. My mother listened quietly, her hands clasped tightly in her lap as I began to pace.

"It all makes _sense,_ " I breathed, shaking my head. "Oh master," I groaned. "I wish you were here to help me," I said helplessly, leaning back.

"Master?" my mother asked in strained confusion, and I sighed and held her hand.

"I'm sorry, mother," I said sadly, looking into her teary eyes. "I know it's hard for you to realize that I'm no longer your little child," I said softly, rubbing her hands gently to bring the blood back into them. "I never meant for this to happen," I said, and she bent her head.

"It's not myself I mourn for," she replied thickly.

"Don't be that way please," I replied, somewhat irked. "It's not like mourning it is going to help much. I may have gone through terror that will never leave me, but there were bright spots nonetheless," I said as calmly as I could, though terror still slicked through my veins.

"It's hard _not_ to when I wake up at night to hear you screaming from nightmares and knowing that my presence will not be welcomed," she snapped back, and my own face went white.

"Only because there are things a mother should not know about her own child," I replied laboriously, standing up and going to get a box to tissues to press into her hands.

She pressed her hands to her mouth, futilely trying to hold back her sobs. "I'm sorry," she choked, and I sat down on the couch as Esgalnoron watched carefully from a corner of the sofa.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," I replied distantly, feeling my heart shatter for her sake. All those years had hardened me, but I could still feel pity for my mother's sake, for her loss. "My innocence was lost long ago, mom," I said, turning and grasping her shoulders gently to make her look at me. "Here on earth, I am your daughter, and I will always be, and I will treat you with due respect," I began emotionlessly, staring at her straight on to get my point hammered in firmly.

"But know this, please. I did what I had to to _survive._ I killed for necessity. I killed without regret, because all I ever killed was filth. I was broken down and reshaped into a weapon, an assassin, a _murderer._ But I have done nothing to be ashamed of. Don't you see? I cannot mourn myself any longer, because I have no remorse for the lives I have taken. They were all filth, on the side of evil. I have blood on my hands, and that will never change. Grieve for what you have lost, but know that I cannot join you," I finished as gently as I could, then moved away to give her space.

Her tears dried, and there was nothing left but agony etched into her face from my words. But I still saw the forgiveness in her face, and it comforted me. My mother understood. She trusted me.

Suddenly her eyes widened, and she turned to me as my head snapped to lock with hers as well. A scream left her lips as I lunged for her toppling form, and Esgalnoron was beside me in a flash, in human form. We locked eyes, and the world began to disappear as I was sucked into his endless, bottomless eyes. Endless color in a timeless gaze...

 _It is time, child. Come back to us. Come back to Me._

And then every thing faded away into comforting darkness.


	2. Where, When, How, Who, What?

_Well, thank you to all who have followed, favorited and reviewed! I'm really grateful. Here's the first chapter, as promised, and I hope you'll find it delightful to plunge into another adventure. Please enjoy the reading, and have fun! I thought that the new story also deserved a new line break, so I decided to change it. I hope y'all approve. *wink* So,_

 _Read,_

 _Enjoy,_

 _Review!_

* * *

Chapter 1

Strange sounds filtered into my ears, low and guttural. It made my head hurt terribly. I winced, reaching up to feel my head. Despite the screaming pain in my temples, my eyes popped open when my hand came away sticky and wet. Red met my vision and the reek of blood filled my nose, and I grimaced as I sat up slowly.

As my vision slowly swam into focus, I noticed that I was in a cave of sorts apparently, with the sound of water trickling slowly registering in my mind. In fact, I realized, I was in a campsite full of men. And here I had been so sure that I had fainted at home. Where was I, and how had I gotten here, exactly?

The two men who had been talking nearby and thereby causing my headache noticed I was awake and came towards me. I looked up at them, disoriented and confused. The man on the left, I noticed, was tall and dark-haired with large grey eyes that missed nothing. The other was brown-haired and brown-eyed and rather short compared to his companion. Both of them had shoulder-length hair, and both were dressed for a medieval fair - on earth. A suspicion crept into my mind, and the words that came out of the tall man's mouth unfortunately confirmed it.

"Greetings, fair lady. I hope you are well," the man said courteously but warily. I opened my mouth to speak and winced at the pain that ricocheted through my skull.

"I- I would be better if I knew where I was," I managed hoarsely, and the shorter man replied.

"You are on the border of Gondor, my lady, in the company of the Rangers of Ithilien," was the curt answer. My head spun. Oh no, no no no no no. I am not back in Middle Earth during the Third Age. I can't be.

"W-what year is it?" I whispered.

They looked at me oddly before replying. "The year 2920 of the Third Age, my lady," was the polite but somewhat incredulous answer. My breath hitched. I was gone for that long? I had only returned to earth three years ago! Then again, I suppose time does pass differently...

"Is something wrong, my lady? Is there aught we can do to help you recover?" the tall man asked smoothly. I gave them a troubled look, the migraine in my head slowly fading away as the stress of my situation made me forget it for a time.

"I- I wasn't gone for that long, was I?" I asked no one in a troubled tone. "And why did I not arrive-" then I shook my head, standing up unsteadily. I lurched and nearly crumbled, being saved from bashing my brains out again only by the arm of the man.

"Sorry," I rasped, then looked down at myself, stretching my arms. White hair flowed over my shoulders, and my skin was pale, with white acid spots marring my arms. I was dressed in a rather over-large cloak of mottled green and brown, while I was wearing a brown tunic and green leggings. "I don't remember these," I muttered, then looked up at the bewildered men.

"What are the color of my eyes?" I asked, and they exchanged uneasy looks.

"Do you remember your name, my lady? It seems as though you might have..." the shorter man trailed off, and I gave them a piercing look.

"My name is Celine." I replied bluntly, unwilling to give my elvish name until I knew where exactly I was and in whose company. "And I have not forgotten my identity," I added for good measure, then looked around to see that there were no weapons about. "Hmm. Interesting. I feel rather incomplete without them," I muttered. When I attempted to try to find a reflective surface, the taller man stopped me.

"Excuse me, my lady, but you forget that we are not aware of who you are and cannot allow you to wander about this armed encampment," he said bluntly but with respect, and I smiled faintly. My nature as Caladiel was coming back swiftly, and I had no fear for myself. I knew full well that even without weapons it would be easy to take both men out, despite the scabbards at their sides. I sat back down on the cot obligingly.

"Forgive me. I tend to jump to conclusions, I suppose. My name is Celine, I have not lied. As for where I come from, I'm not quite sure as I don't know exactly where I am," I said calmly, and the taller man nodded.

"My men discovered you nearby draped over a rock and your head injured," he nodded to the shorter man, who came forwards with a bandage that I allowed him to change with a murmured thanks. "You are in the custody of the Rangers of Gondor, and my name is Ecthelion," he said. My eyebrows shot up.

"I see. That explains where I am, then. As for how I got onto that rock - I believe I was knocked out. Why someone put me there, I don't know, as I most certainly was nowhere near any armed encampment at the time. You wouldn't happen to be Ecthelion the son of the Steward of Gondor, would you?" I asked bluntly. He raised his own eyebrow, while the shorter man seemed to start.

"I see my name gets around," he said dryly. I snorted.

"I'm not too sure about that, but I certainly have heard of you," was my nebulous answer as I looked down at my arms again, running a hand over the scars. I was still trying to process the fact that I was in Middle Earth, talking to Ecthelion, father of Denethor, the father of Boromir and Faramir.

"I see." Was the clearly unhappy answer. "And why, pray tell, were you attacked?"

I sighed, looking back up and absently rubbing my shoulder that had been broken once, long before. "I am not well-liked among many, though for no cause other than there is nothing known of me. I have never killed any innocent person, and my only goal is to serve the free peoples of Middle Earth." I suddenly looked up and smiled wryly. "I am rather surprised that you haven't asked of my heritage by now, considering that I've heard that the men of Gondor look kindly upon my race." I said dryly, and they blinked at me. I reached up to pull my hair away from my pointed ears.

They looked taken aback for a moment, and I stood. "Now, if you do not mind, I would like to find myself a place to wash." I said politely. "That is, if I am not considered a threat among you any longer." I added sardonically, and they looked at me in chagrin.

"Forgive us, my lady. Follow me." Ecthelion said, and I followed him as he led me to a pool of water collected in the rock and well away from any other people.

He left with a curt nod, and I took a deep breath before looking down at the reflective surface of the water. My hair was white, yes. But my eyes were completely pale blue- a flickering, burning, Bunsen-burner blue. I bolted to my feet and staggered against the wall, breathing harshly. Oh Eru. Oh Valar. Not again. This cannot be happening to me. Not all over again-

In my panic and shock, I didn't even realize what I was doing until I fell into the pool of water in my incoherent staggering. It slapped me awake rudely, and I clambered out with a gasp only to realize that I was bone-dry and dressed in a familiar black cloak. Standing stock-still in shock for one, infinite moment, my mind struggled to wrap itself around what had just happened.

"Come on Caladiel. You're getting sloppy. What sort of assassin are you?" I hissed to myself, knowing that by now my hair would be pitch black and streaked with the occasional strand of red. Not bothering to look into the pool again and a million different plans running through my mind, I began a cold calculation of my options out. These humans must not know anything more about me. Not until I'd figured out what I was doing here and why in the name of Morgoth the Valar and Eru had sent me back. All the while I was thinking I was checking my weapons on my cloak and strapped to my belt. Sauron's hand-made daggers, the one by Maeglin-

My brain abruptly shut down of emotion as I tried not to cry at the thought of my family. With a quick motion, I flicked my hood over my head and stood still, looking around and listening for any sounds. Any moment now someone would come to check on me, and killing someone was out of the question. I needed to get out. There were flickering shadows all along the wall, and I slowly slid into them even as I moved towards the doorway. Then my eye suddenly caught movement, and I froze.

Ecthelion came back in, and not seeing me, immediately began looking around with one hand rested on the pommel of his sword. My breathing slowed to a bare minimum, and not a muscle twitched. His eyes passed over my cloak, dismissing it as part of the shadow and rock, and immediately turned with a muttered oath, striding out.

I followed after a few moments, using my senses to find the entrance of the caves easily. Drafts of air were like signs pointing the way out, and it was easy enough to go undetected by the various men that traversed the hallways. I hadn't become Morgoth's head spy for nothing, after all. And orcs tend to smell and hear a lot better than humans normally can.

Slipping out into the air, I quietly slipped into the trees all about and made my way slowly and carefully out of sight of the cave. I wasn't foolish enough to think that they would give up looking for me, and I knew that they might also have guards posted around the area. Nearby I found a cliff and quietly, slowly scaled the walls, finding toe-holds. My hands nearly slipped several times as they were slick with nerves, but I finally managed to make it to a place where I could rest unseen in a copse of trees.

They welcomed me readily, and I brushed their trunks in thanks as I sank down in weariness. My head was spinning, and I reached up and used my light to heal the gash on my forehead only to find that the act drained my energy more than it normally should have. I hadn't been here so long that I was disoriented and therefore not functioning as well as I normally would have been.

My head swam. How had I gotten here? Had I been sent back? Was I here for good? I suddenly remembered the text Ada Mairon had sent me back on earth. With a sudden thought, I clapped a hand to one of my voluminous pockets and pulled out a piece of paper. For a moment I stared at it in dread. Would it tell me where my parents were? Would it tell me anything helpful? I opened it.

 _It is time family be united across worlds. Worry not for your loved ones - in time you shall find them. They will be safe where they are. One close to your heart shall find you at the time of great need. Find your next mission. -Melkor_

I read it again. Five times I read it, growing more and more incredulous each time, and then at the end crumpled it up viciously and shoved it into my pocket, visibly reeling myself back from the brink of screaming aloud in frustration. Sure, I was thankful that my mother was apparently here in Middle Earth and safe, as well as Esgalnoron, and yes I was grateful that I would see Esgalnoron sooner or later, but I was seriously put out.

"What is this to you, Eru? A game? Is that what I am? Just a hapless pawn in this cosmic chessboard of Yours? What am I supposed to do now, purge the whole world from evil?" I snarled at the sky before glowering at the ground.

As though in answer, it began to rain. Slowly, as the rain soaked into my cloak and drenched me, even as I heard the various scouts going to and fro trying in vain to find me, the anger slowly drained away until all that was left was sodden helplessness.

"What more do You want from me?" I whispered miserably, curling up as the trees covered me somewhat with their branches. "I just got home; this is too soon for me. Give me strength." I pleaded weakly, feeling the grief beginning to smother me until my eyelids drooped and I fell asleep.

 _ **_Break_Dragon_Esgalnoron_Break_**_

 _"Why do you make me do this, my pet? You know that if you just would have done better I wouldn't have to do this to you."_

 _Dark eyes looked pitilessly into my own, a false smile pasted on his face as he caressed my cheek. My body slumped on the metal bed, my hands chained above my head as my chest heaved weakly._

 _"Yes master, I apologize for my weakness."_

 _"That's right, Caladiel. I cannot have weakness in my little pet now, can I?"_

 _The pained wheezing was broken by a muffled choke of pain. "No, master."_

 _"Good, my pet. Now rest. I expect you to be ready to do better when you wake up. After all, I'd rather not have to tear your mind to pieces to make you do what I want. Then you would be useless indeed, wouldn't you?"_

 _"Is it possible, master?"_

 _"Is what possible, dearest little light?"_

 _"To tear my mind to pieces."_

 _A chuckle. "Ah, but that's why I experiment on you, sweet little pet. Maybe the flame protects you. Only one way to find out, and you're more than willing, hmm?"_

 _ **_Break_Dragon_Esgalnoron_Break_**_

I woke up in a cold sweat, sincerely hoping that I hadn't screamed. I gritted my teeth in pain trying to hold back the shriek that clawed at my throat, gripping my violently cramping leg as my body attempted to calm down. After giving myself a round scolding for falling asleep in such a vulnerable state, I stood up and shook the cramp out of my leg while looking around carefully. Thanking the trees for their hospitality and gathering my strength, I slipped out of the copse and silently began the lonely trek across the lush greenery of Ithilien.

The nightmares didn't leave me alone. Every night without fail they appeared, to the point where I tried not to sleep. When I had been in the First Age, they hadn't been a problem because my life was far worse than any nightmare, but ever since returning to earth they haunted me. Mother would wake up to find me in the kitchen drinking a mug of caffeine while making breakfast, bags under my eyes from a night of insomnia. But my human body needed rest, so suffered through the nights I did. Now it seemed that since my old tormentor wasn't here in person, the new demons to struggle with would be visions of the night.

With a sigh, I began to pick up my pace. There was no way in Mordor that I was going to stay here. I needed to find a purpose, and besides, I needed to find Esgalnoron. I was lost without him, and would continue to be until I found him. As I began the journey to only Valar knows where, my mind continued to wander until it finally made its way to Mairon and my other friends and family from the First Age. I sighed inwardly and shook my head with a frown, missing them dearly. I wondered how master Melkor was doing, then immediately my mind had to skip to Ancalagon. I shook my head wildly to clear my head of him, cheeks flushing even under my dark hood.

"Shut it, Celine." I hissed to myself. "Do not think about it. Not him. Not now." I said, and thinning my lips, trudged on stubbornly. More than ever, I wished Esgalnoron were here. It would take weeks to travel somewhere without him.

And then my mind suddenly had to wander to my last days on Arda the last time. Had there even been a body to bury? Was there another me somewhere under the fitful waves that now covered Beleriand? The morbid thoughts kept crowding into my head, and I shook myself roughly before taking a deep breath and concentrating on my moving feet.

I called to mind a mental map of Middle Earth, thinking about the possible places I could go. Gondor was out of the question. As were any of the Elven kingdoms. Unless someone I considered a superior specifically told me to go to any of them, I didn't want to make my presence or even existence known among them. Dwarves and elves don't get along, thank you very much, and besides, I didn't have anything to do with them. That only left the human realms left. Laketown, Rohan, or... or the Dúnedain.

I stopped. Staring across the plains on the borders of Ithilien, I debated where to go. My father... Would my biological father be alive, considering master's note? He said that 'families to be united across worlds.' But what did that mean? My biological family, or my other family? Surely Ada and the others were in Aman. So I was supposed to survive the War of the Ring and take a ship? Was my mother here somewhere? Was she with my father?

I suddenly sat down, eyes staring sightlessly at what was in front of me. War of the Ring? What am I thinking? I _changed_ that! There's no Sauron! But then... What about Morgoth? He's still out there somewhere! I need to find Esgalnoron.

My own voice jolted me out of my crisis, and I stood up. "I must go to the Dúnedain of the North. I need to find Esgalnoron." I decided, and began my long, lonely trek. I would have to travel past Minas Tirith, along the Misty Mountains, past Edoras and Helm's Deep, through the gap of Rohan, skirt along the mountains in the plains of Dunland, and then take the Old South Road and pass Tharbad to get to the fork in the road that would lead me to either the Shire by the left or Bree by the right.

I started talking aloud to myself, to stave away the loneliness. "Since I don't exactly know where the Dúnedain live, I'll have to go to Bree and stay around town somehow, maybe work in the Prancing Pony as a serving wench and watch for the Rangers. I'll have to keep a low profile as a female and try to see if I can trail them to their city. I should be able to do that much at least, or else what sort of assassin would I be?" I snorted out loud. "A shame to put to waste all that my dear departed _master_ taught me to be." I sneered.

"Most likely I'll meet Esgalnoron on the way there I'm sure. And once I get there, what am I gonna do?" I wondered aloud. "I mean, it's not gonna be a secret that I'm a female once I reveal myself. And what proof do I have that I am Caladiel of the First Age? Does anybody even know of me nowadays? It would be rich to find out if I've just become a wives tale now wouldn't it." I told myself sourly. "If I don't find my parents, then what will I do? My secret will be out, and all will go to nothing." I sighed, and tried to ignore the ache growing in my legs. I had been away for so long that I was seriously out of shape.

"Enough time to fix that." I grumbled darkly, glaring down at the ground and pulling my pitch black cloak close around me for comfort. "I'll even have to hunt for myself, how nice is that?" I grumbled.

"Well, I was always good at improvising. I'll just have to pull an Anakin Skywalker and improvise as I go along." I told myself with a sigh. "Plan of attack? Attack." I decided, and continued the trek to Minias Tirith.

"Oh Esgalnoron, please find me soon..."

 _ **_Break_Dragon_Esgalnoron_Break_**_

Five weeks. A month and a week of traveling almost nonstop, just to get to Tharbad. I hadn't stopped by either Minias Tirith or Edoras for fear of running into someone that I'd rather not see or risk having identify me to Ecthelion. I'd rather keep as low a profile as I could.

It had been a rather difficult five weeks for me, getting my soft self back into shape not to mention polishing my hunting skills. I had never broken many of the habits I'd had even on earth, such as moving quietly, my tracking skills, and sometimes I'd even slipped off to a dojo to practice with a pair of sticks. Of course, I made sure that I didn't show my true potential, although I did keep up with my skills somehow. I'd even tried to polish my disguises more, such as changing my voice subtly enough not to seem suspiciously fake and pull off several other methods of blending in with other groups of people.

But that and actually living an active lifestyle is very different. I could probably pull off a fairly genuine Westron accent, having kept up with it on earth, but my hunting was definitely not up to par as I would like it to be. Or rather, needed it to be. So, as a result, I had to go for a few days without anything to eat. I'd kept an eye out for Esgalnoron, unsurprised when I didn't find him, but kept on steadily towards Rohan nonetheless. According to my date calculations Arathorn should be alive by this point.

I had tried to hash out more firm plans of what to do, but there were so many and such small chances of actually pinning down the one that would happen that I'd finally given up and just left them liquidized. Instead, I'd focused on honing in my skills at least to the point that I'd been at when I taught Thurwething. My peak performance had been during the War of Wrath, so it was only rational to believe that I was already an apt assassin even in my more weaker state. I knew well enough that men and elves alike had slackened after Morgoth fell. By the Third Age they were nothing compared to the men of the First Age, although still formidable enough. Probably Aragorn was one of the only men that could actually pose an equal threat as Túrin and other well known First Age men. I would have balked at fighting Túrin, I know that much.

So when I reached Bree, it was with my hair temporarily dyed reddish-brown with bark and berries that I had managed to come up with during the five months of training and traveling. My eyes were undoubtedly an unnatural shade of blue, which I couldn't change unfortunately, but at least my clothes were ragged enough to pass for an obvious traveler, and I could hide my face under my hood. It didn't look too suspicious, plus I had my hair tied up so that it didn't show. I'd have to make myself a veil sometime.

Never having been in Bree, much less anywhere besides Beleriand, my inner fan heart was screaming its metaphorical lungs out and threatening to take over my real lungs as I trudged through the city, not getting more than a glance as I passed by. It really wasn't such a special town outwardly: squalid and with dirt streets and rats squeaking in alleyways, suspicious reeks and bustling people, it was certainly unattractive in general. However, it was still _Bree_ , and that was enough to excite me even if my poker face was enviable. Just absently wandering around, clutching my cloak to my throat, I finally spotted a sign creaking in the faint breeze. It was about twilight, and I didn't have anything in my pockets to pay for a room.

Nevertheless, I shook my head and gazed at the sign of a Prancing Pony with a faint smile for a moment before turning and striding with as much confidence as I could muster into the smoky bar. I nearly choked at the pipe smoke before letting out a faint sigh and heading for the man standing at the counter. Of course, it was too early to be Barliman, but it was still almost shocking not to see the familiar face behind the wooden counter. There were men slouched in corners, men clutching pipes, people in hoods talking silently, and hobbits clutching pints of ale everywhere, and I made my way unconcernedly to the counter as the man turned to me.

"Why hallo there, traveler. I'm Bert Butterbur at yo' service. What c'n I get ya?" He asked in a thick Westron accent, and despite myself I had to let myself smile at the sound of it.

"I'm looking for a job." My own voice was heavily coated in the thick highland accent as I reached up and pulled my hair free to let it be seen by the man. "I could serve as a server if you had any need of it." My tone was simple and friendly, and the man gave me a considering look.

"I wouldn't mind having another serving wench to join m'daughter, but d'y'mind if I be askin' wha' ya gonna ask for wages?" He replied with a friendly smile in return, and I tilted my head.

"Three meals a day is all I really want," I shrugged, and he blinked.

"How 'bout we make it a place to stay and three meals, eh? Tha' way I won' feel li' I'm swindlin' ya, lass." He drawled, and I allowed a chuckle.

"I'd consider it a fair deal, thank ye kindly, sir." I replied easily, and he nodded to the back where the kitchen obviously was.

"Tell m'wife there who ya are and she'll fix ye up nicely." He said, and I turned to do so. "Ah, and what be yer name, lassie?" He added, and I turned the profile of my hood.

"Willow." I replied easily, taking on the false name. "My name is Willow."

He nodded as I continued on my way, entering the kitchen to see several cooks. "Excuse me. I'm looking for the mistress Butterbur." I said politely, and a middle-aged woman turned to look at me. I bowed. "The sir has given me a job as a server and told me to find the missus." I said, and she bustled forwards.

"Did he now? Good! We need another wench to serve alongside m'daughter." She said in satisfaction. "So what be yer wages, m'girl?" She asked shortly but not unkindly, and I bobbed my head.

"Just a place to lay m'head at night and three meals a day, missus." I replied simply, and she raised an eyebrow.

"Mighty simple, ain't ye, lassie? Well that's taken are of, then. Come along." She said, and brushing off her hands, proceeded to drag me off to a room behind the building attached to the stables, and while it wasn't my room at home, it was clean enough not to make me feel like I was living in the barn. She showed me a dress that I could put on, and I nodded politely with the promise to change and quickly start my serving. I'd have to eat late, but it was a part of the job that I couldn't deny.

I quickly slipped on the dress, which had long sleeves and a pair of leggings to go with it, determining to ask Bert if I could change it later to something of my own creation before standing and looking into a cracked brass plate on the wall. My eyes showed. Curling my lip, I thought of how to fix it without having to use a hood and suddenly grinned. Obviously. I grew out my bangs longer until they completely covered my eyes and hung to my nose, grinning for a moment at myself before heading out to start my job.

Bert was waiting, and he nodded when he saw me, giving me a quick rundown of my duties, which were the exact same as the part time job I'd had as a waitress on earth. With a nod, though I did see that he stared at my bangs askance for a moment, I took the wooden tray he handed me and headed to the other girl who stood at a tap filling mugs.

She turned to me and grinned, only slightly faltering once she saw my hair. "'Ello there!" She said cheerily, and I smiled back faintly.

"Hello. How can I help?" I replied, and she piled the mugs onto my tray.

"Take these to tha' table over there. And watch out for grabby 'ands." She suggested, and I nodded before pausing.

"What's your name?" I asked, and she gave me a bit of a tired grin.

"Peony." She replied simply. I took in her messy blonde hair and brown eyes and nodded. It matched her.

"Of course. Peony. My name is Willow." And without waiting for an answer, I made my way around the counter and began to make my way through the tables. If there was one thing that I would not hide, it was some of my Elven traits, such as natural grace. Despite that my eyes were hidden by my hair, I still managed to dodge flying utensils easily as well as hands that attempted to grab for my waist or skirts, not to mention avoid the hobbit that fell off his chair right in front of me. My skirts neatly missed passing over his face as I made it to the designated table to find that there was a group of rather grubby men waiting for the drinks. I neatly unpiled the mugs and slid them across the tables, easily dodging the hand that tried to get a little too close to my chest for comfort.

"Ah lass, a new one ain't ya?" One of them laughed obnoxiously, and I nodded affirmation.

"That I am." I replied in a monotone, gathering up the empty mugs and turning.

"Oy, ain't there any chance for gettin' some comfort round 'ere?" One whined, reaching out for me only to have his hand quickly grasped and thrown away.

"Find someone else." I replied coldly, and went around to the other tables grabbing empty mugs and getting orders for refills and meals alike.

When I arrived back at the counter, Peony gave me a surprised look. "'Ave ya done this before?" She asked as she began to fill more mugs and hand me plates, and I nodded.

"Yes. I've traveled quite a bit." I answered truthfully, and quickly piled up the plate. "Mind handing me four knives?" I asked, pointing to a heap of butter knives beside her. She handed me four with a blink and a curious look. "You should know how ta use these, honey, if you're working in a place li' this." I drawled, tucking two into my sleeves and two in the pocket of my apron. "If ya run into trouble gimme a holler, ya hear?" I asked, and she was left blinking in mingled shock and confusion as I made another round.

And so, that is how I started my job as a serving wench at the Prancing Pony, waiting for a few Rangers to wander in.

Esgalnoron... You'd better get your smart self over here sooner or later, before I decide to skin you when I finally find you.


	3. Brother Bother and Mother Father

_Well I have a bad feeling this is late, and if you're wondering how I don't know, it's because I've been ridiculously occupied. So, apologies, and I'll stop blabbing now so you can go ahead and get to reading the chapter, which is far more interesting than me. So,_

 _Read!_

 _Enjoy!_

 _Review!_

* * *

Two weeks. Two weeks, and there still hasn't been any Rangers that have appeared. In that time I'd still been working as a server, and thankfully hadn't had to use my knives, though it'd come close several times. Not that I'd stab someone with them, I was a neater assassin than that. No, there were other ways to ward off unwanted attention. Why do you think I asked for blunt butter knives?

Esgalnoron still hadn't shown up, and I was getting rather impatient. Even I had my limits, and working in an inn and avoiding grabby hands all day and warding off comments wasn't the way I was planning to spend my life. It was getting down to my last nerve, and I knew that I'd have to move on sooner or later. I'd heard all of the rumors on everything and anything - including Rangers - from the loose-lipped Bert and his family, who had accepted me for my hard work and obvious concern for their daughter's safety from the characters who came into the bar at times despite my oddities.

They had even accepted my odd clothing preference of a black coat with long sleeves that came down to my ankles complete with a pair of boots and black leggings, along with my abnormally long bangs that I kept dyed the same reddish-brown color as consistently as I could. When asked, I simply gave the explanation that my eyes were highly unusual and therefore I wanted to keep them unseen. I even offered to show them, which was politely declined though it did do the trick to satisfy them that I wasn't some hideous being. My butter knives were kept in my voluminous sleeves, and due to my hidden eyes if I smiled I kinda looked like a psycho. It was rather off-putting, and I suddenly wondered with a smirk if I should make it my permanent style. That would be highly amusing.

It had been a busy day, and as nighttime approached I couldn't shake the niggling feeling that something was going to happen soon. I couldn't pinpoint when, but soon in general. _That's no help. I mean, all times are soon for the Valar._ I grumbled inwardly, but nonetheless waited with open eyes to see what would happen.

When it did, it was certainly in a most unexpected way. In the two weeks I'd been in Bree, not once had I run across elves. But when Peony clutched my arm in a death grip as I filled a tray with mugs, I had to look to the door that so obviously had her attention. Or rather, what was at the door. I nearly groaned aloud. Unlike Esgalnoron, I only had two forms, and I didn't have the ability to make my ears round. I wish I had. It would've made me feel safer, even if my thick mop of hair covered them sufficiently. They would still be able to sense my aura, and I was done for.

"You do it!" She squeaked. "I couldn't..." She waved her face with her hands, flustered, and I couldn't help but snicker. Sure, elves were breathtaking, but it still never failed to amuse me when females swooned at their presence. Most highly amusing. And it didn't help that these elves were obviously part of a patrol. What made me abruptly stop snickering was the sight of a group men with them. Men with grey and green cloaks and star-shaped cloak pins. Then I smirked as I turned to a hot and bothered Peony.

"Sure, darlin'." I drawled easily. "Don't blame me for missin' out on the fun, tho'." I snorted, and then began to walk into the crowded area again.

"Fun!?" She shrieked over the din, and I turned and flashed her a grin.

"Now don't start letting your mind wander in the gutter, I didn't mean anything like that." I replied cheerily as she glared at me and I chortled, dropping off a few pints to the hobbits sitting at a table - it had taken me a good week to get used to seeing hobbits in real life - and heading for the two back tables where the men and elves had decided to settle. Which was sort of unnecessary, as everyone was giving them a rather wide berth anyway.

"Anything I c'n do for ya lads?" I asked easily, perching the tray on my hip as I paused in front of the tables.

They gave me a glance that was keen nonetheless, especially the elves, and one of them nodded. "Ale for the men and wine for the elves, if you please." He said in a polite but firm tone, and I nodded professionally before heading off.

It took two trays on either hand to carry it all, and I slid each tray onto the right tables and began setting them out quickly but efficiently. "Please enjoy." I said simply, and turned to leave, trays in hand, when someone spoke up.

"If you don't mind, we would like to speak with you." An elf spoke up, and was immediately given surprised looks by the men. The other elves had expressionless faces, and seemed to be disinterested in anything but their cups, though I knew better.

"Of course, if you'll give me a minute please to alert my fellow worker." I replied easily, and left before any protest was made. I made my way back to Peony, who gave me a wide-eyed look.

"They've requested a chat. Cover for me, eh?" I asked casually, and grabbed a few more mugs before heading away as she nodded.

There was a table nearby the elves and men that had requested refills, though they were rather obviously close to dangerous levels of being drunk. As I began to slide the mugs onto the table, one man gave me a crooked leer and eyed me with his red eyes. I curled my lip in disgust and made to turn away when he grabbed the string of my apron, pulling me straight onto his lap. That was a first for me.

"Aw c'm on lass, jus' a little cuddle, eh?" He laughed lasciviously, and I noticed that the Rangers had visibly tensed.

"You have three seconds to let go of me." I replied blankly, and he swore.

"Listen 'ere lass, it's just-"

"Three." I started. His hand started to make a trail for my chest. "Two, and one." I finished, and grabbed his hands, discreetly giving the pressure points of his wrists a press so that his hands were rendered numb temporarily. He cursed and snarled, leaping up to grab at me- before pausing with wide eyes as he found his sleeve pinned to the table by a butter knife driven expertly into a gash in the wood table.

"Keep your hands off those who don't welcome them." I snarled back before flouncing off to the elves' table with a huff, sitting down on a stool easily. The man rapidly left after paying his fees, while Bert nodded at me and I returned it.

"Now, I believe you asked for my presence." My lips pulled into a smirk. "May I assist you?"

The elves stared at me before nodding. "How come you here?" One of them asked, motioning around us.

I tilted my head. "Searching for my brother." I replied truthfully.

"Your brother? What would his name be?" Another elf asked, while the third, who still had his hood up, remained silent.

"Esgalnoron." I replied simply. "He is my brother."

They glanced at the third elf, who lifted his hood. I caught pale skin and a sudden flash of Amber eyes that twinkled, and almost felt like crying in relief. Instead, I smiled. "And I knew he would arrive sooner or later. Sometimes I was quite ready to kill him for being so late." I added darkly, and the elves chuckled as Esgalnoron reached out and pressed my hand.

~Apologies, sister, and no, they don't know my true identity or looks.~

~You and I need to have a _chat._ And good.~

"And I thank you for your service." I said smoothly, and stood. "Is there anything else I may do for you?" I asked with a small smile.

"No indeed, fair lady. Is there aught we may do for your brother and you?" The elf who seemed to be the spokesperson of the group asked, and I shook my head.

"No. But you have our thanks." I replied, and noticed the rather wary vibe coming from the group of men. "Now, I believe I have taken enough of your time. If you will excuse my brother and I-" and I bowed before walking away, Esgalnoron following me after exchanging a few words with the other elves, who clapped his shoulders and sent him off with apparently a warm farewell.

~I get off soon. There's a room off the stables out back.~

~Thank you.~

I couldn't help but wonder, though, even as Peony piled me with questions, how this was going to turn out.

 _ **_Break_Dragon_Esgalnoron_Break_**_

When I finally got off work, I made my way to the room I'd been staying in for the past two weeks, finding Esgalnoron sitting on the edge of the bed with his cloak still on his shoulders but his hood down. I took a moment to close the door before throwing myself at him and causing him to grasp me with a muffled exclamation of shock.

"I missed you, big brother." I whispered into his chest, and he hugged me tightly.

"As I did you, little sister." He replied softly, stroking my hair. "When we were brought back I woke up and found myself lying in the middle of a wolf pack that apparently considered me one of their own. I kept trying to find you, knowing that that was the only way I'd figure out what was happening. I finally ran across the elves and those rangers in the woods, and they agreed to help me find my sister since they were stopping by Bree." He said soothingly, and I sat up to tell him my own story and show him the note.

He nodded and handed it back as I pocketed it, reaching up to brush back my hair with a small grin. "You look like an undertaker." He chuckled, and I rolled my eyes heavily.

"Don't go there." I shook my finger at him as he chortled, then proceeded to tell him my plan. He hummed thoughtfully, then looked to me.

"It's a good thing I listened to their conversations when they thought I couldn't, then." He remarked, making me raise an eyebrow as he elaborated. "Their city lies in one of the forests of Arnor, not too far from Rivendell, in fact. Perhaps three days of hard riding on a horse, although I could get you there faster. Maybe a week and half otherwise. Arathorn is their leader at this point, and he was just wed a couple weeks ago from what I heard." He went on, and I listened intently. "And I heard something very interesting as well. Apparently one of Arathorn's most trusted friend is a fairly young man - by their standards - who had had a severe illness a few months ago and only recently recovered." Then he gave me a keen look.

"And from what I heard, he was out hunting when he found a young woman and brought her home, only to wed her soon after. Everyone was rather suspicious of it, but apparently Arathorn knew something everyone else didn't and therefore no one asked because they trust their chief." He added, and was unsurprised when I allowed myself to turn pale and reach up to uncertainly place a hand on my forehead as the world spun.

"My father- mother-" my voice came out in an uncertain crack, and I licked my dry lips before looking at him.

"We'll go find out." He said gently, placing a hand on mine, and I nodded before sinking against him wearily. Because in all honesty, I was nothing but a lost child, yearning for her never-known father. I fell asleep against Esgalnoron, clutching him in emotional exhaustion.

 _ **_Break_Dragon_Esgalnoron_Break_**_

It hadn't been hard to quit my job at the Prancing Pony. It had always been a temporary job, as the Butterburs well knew, and though they were sorry to see me leave, having grown fond of me in their own way, they were happy that I'd found my brother. Even if I knew that their suspicions that I was weird were definitely confirmed by my brother that was dressed in a cloak and hood. I merely bid them farewell and gave them thanks for the job and their care before taking my leave and heading quietly out of Bree.

Esgalnoron and I made sure that we were safely in the woods before he morphed, and I had to take a moment to stroke his heavy, bushy ears in admiration despite myself. He growled contentedly, and I kissed his head as I clambered on.

~Mind changing clothes?~ He asked dryly, and I snorted before allowing my hair to turn completely black and my bangs to shrink, my clothes once more becoming a pitch black cloak with the familiar symbol of a red eye on the hood projection. My skin turned unnaturally pale and my eyes deep purple, while my fangs poked out from my lips stained red.

~Better?~

~...I kinda meant the other form, but whatever.~

And I laughed darkly at his comment as he bounded through the forests. Like he predicted, it was three days travel until we reached the general area that Esgalnoron had guessed was the location of the village. Knowing that Rangers would be around, he shrank into a tiny dragon and slipped into my pockets, both to rest and so that I could do my part of the job as he took his turn for a free ride.

I would've honestly preferred to slip into the camp unnoticed, but there was not a very high chance of that happening. Oh, I could physically pull it off, but if my mother truly was here and had found my father, I knew that I would have to reveal myself, and I wasn't sure if I could do that without too much fuss. It was much easier to just risk my parents not being there and just allow myself to be caught, seemingly vulnerable and helpless.

Having made my decision, I took a day to finally find a single ranger wandering on perhaps a solo patrol, following him for an entire day until he met up with another and switched patrols apparently. I considered making a dramatic reveal for the fun of it, then discarded the idea almost instantly as I saw the foolishness of it. With a sigh, I settled into a comfortable tree to spend the night without being seen. I would tell my plans to Esgalnoron in the morning while I spent the night thinking and waiting for him to wake up. He had, after all, went three days straight without sleep running. We had had our meals of course, but otherwise he needed to gather the energy he'd lost.

I watched below as the ranger's fire went on through the night and the sun slowly moved across Arda to reappear when the time was right. It was with a small smile that I looked straight at the sun as it peeked over the ridge of the horizon the next morning and seeing with Elven eyes the faint outline of a bright figure shimmering behind the vessel. Tirion wasn't out as it was a new moon, so I had to be content with waving to Arien instead.

When Esgalnoron finally stirred in my pocket and came out, stretching and yawning widely, showing off his sharp needle-point teeth, I patted him gently like a kitten, earning a purr in reply. "Rise and shine, brother mine. I need you to become my little wolf pup as I take on the disguise of a helpless maiden lost in the woods." I chuckled, and he looked up at me with curiosity in his amber slits. "To get into the village." I replied quietly, nodding downwards at the stirring ranger. Esgalnoron nodded, seeing my plan as I crawled down from the tree without a sound and slipped away deeper into the woods where I knew the ranger would find me in his rounds.

Setting Esgalnoron down so that he could morph, I myself made my own transformation from assassin to reddish-brown-dyed-haired, innocent Caladiel, a tattered grey cloak hanging pitifully from my shoulders.

When the ranger finally crested the small ridge, he stopped short with wide eyes as he saw me sitting there, weeping and clutching my squirming pup in my arms. In a moment he was beside me, reaching out and touching my shoulder. A slight shriek left my mouth as I scrambled to get away, and he raised his voice. "Wait, my lady, please!"

I paused, turning to him, lip trembling as I shook fearfully. He raised his hands in a gesture of goodwill. "I mean no harm, fair maiden. Please tell me what ails you, and I shall help you." He said calmly, and I studied him for a moment before collapsing and weeping all over again. They were half-genuine tears at the thought of seeing my mother again, and I managed to blubber something about orcs and mother and lost and only being able to save my dog that made him come to a decision.

"If you will allow me, I shall take you to my village, where there will be those who will care for you." The ranger said gently, while I just hiccuped and nodded, blindly allowing him to lead me off. I slacked off with the crying soon after, while exchanging a wink with Esgalnoron, who plonked his head on my arm.

~Your acting seriously needs help.~ He declared teasingly, and I growled at him mentally as he laughed riotously. I stumbled along, sniffling and following the ranger who led me along carefully. It wasn't too long before we came to a brook, from where I could see a fence stretching not too far away just beyond a copse of trees.

~Ah, here we are. I wonder how mother finds living here like?~ I snorted at the thought as Esgalnoron sniggered. Nothing new for us, but for my mother it must have been like going back to her childhood of living in the time of the Korean War, her native land. The ranger gently tugged my hand as he led me over the brook, and I noticed that he was fairly young, perhaps only twenty by his face. He also seemed a bit awkward around me, and I guessed that he didn't even have much experience with experience-broken females before, which thought highly amused me. Of all the people that could find me...

People stopped and stared as we went by, and I kept my head down though I could hear snatches of whispers and comments as he led me towards the main house in the center of the village.

"Another? Perhaps there was an Orc raid somewhere further in the north?"

"Poor girl, I wonder how badly she's scarred."

"D'ya think maybe someone will find another bride outta her too?"

"Tch, don't be ridiculous. Everyone knows that there was a good reason for _that_ occasion."

My lips twitched slightly as I glanced down at the mithril band on my finger. I was already married, thank you very much, and I have no attention of going through another one. Besides, I miss my husband, to be honest.

~Wow. Finally getting sentimental?~

I nearly choked out loud. ~Did I just say that mentally aloud!?~

~yeah.~

~... Shut up, Esgalnoron.~

All I received in reply was a snigger that was far too smug. I pinched him as he let out a high-pitched yip, startling the ranger in front of me a little. But he continued to make his way to the center cabin, knocking on the door and standing ramrod straight. It was opened, and a golden-haired, blue-eyed woman was at the door, looking at us with soft, questioning eyes.

The ranger bowed. "Apologies, my lady Gilraen, but I found this young maiden in the woods all alone. She seems to have fled an Orc raid and was lost in the woods." He said gravely, and the woman raised a hand to her mouth.

"Oh the poor dear!" She cried, and then stepped towards me as I looked up at her pitifully. "Come here, you poor thing." She fussed, gently taking my hand as she nodded and quietly thanked the ranger, who seemed relieved to be handing me over to someone else, which just deepened my amusement. Gilraen gently led me into the house, and my ears caught murmuring from behind another door.

"What's your name, m'dear?" Gilraen asked, but all I could do was stare at the door, straining to hear the voices more clearly. Because... Was that-? Gilraen noted my gaze and gently took my hand, leading me towards the door as I followed readily. She gently rapped, and a muffled reply to enter made her open it.

I was ushered into what was obviously a study room, with rugs and a hearth that had a small fire in it, papers everywhere and a desk in the center of the room. But what captured my attention was the people in the room. My eyes only briefly skimmed over the dark haired, grey eyed man sitting in a chair behind the desk and instead settled on the woman and man sitting across from him - or rather, specifically the woman. They turned to look at me, and a smile spread over my face as I looked at the woman.

Brown eyes widened, and long brown hair tumbled around her face in familiar, luscious waves that had always been my delight to touch from a very young age. Admittedly, there were fewer wrinkles on her face now, but it was still the same if rejuvenated face, complete with the burdened, shocked eyes.

"I knew I would find you, mother." I said gently, and her hands visibly shook as she stood. Silence settled in the room, everyone staring, and I went forwards to hug her as she flew forwards and clutched me, bursting into sobs.

"Celine-!" She choked, and I made sure Esgalnoron wasn't about to be suffocated before kissing her cheek and hugging back.

"Yes mother, last time I checked that was my name." I said amusedly. "Unless, of course, you consider my other names..." I teased, and she pulled back to smack my head as I winced in exaggerated protest.

"Don't joke at a time like this!" She cried, but a small smile was on her face nonetheless. "Do you know how much I was panicked when I woke up in the middle of nowhere and couldn't find you?" She demanded, and I held up my hands.

"Sorry, but I've been there and done that, twice already." I replied dryly, and she sighed before hugging the stuffing out of me again. "As much as I love you, dear mother, would you mind having a little compassion on my poor brother and I and allow me to see my father?" I asked, and she leaped back in embarrassment as she realized that everyone was smiling, albeit confusedly.

Then I turned to the man who had stood next to my mother, slowly setting Esgalnoron down at my feet. He looked back at me, and we studied each other. His eyes were a bright, sizzling blue, with dirty blonde hair that reached his shoulders. He stood in the stance of a warrior, tall and yet at ease. My eyes softened as I recognized my own features in his, and remembered the pictures I had seen of my father along with my hazy memories. His own eyes were moist, and I stepped forwards to gently wrap my arms around his waist.

"I missed you, daddy." I said softly, remembering all the times when I was younger I had run to him as he came home, saying the same thing as he bent to pick me up.

"As I did you, my little princess." The thick reply reached my ears, and I smiled happily. I leaned back to look into his eyes, and heard sniffles all around.

"You know, dad, I remember when you used to feed me ice cream on the sly when mom was out." I said slyly, and he threw back his head to burst into laughter as my mom cried in indignation and slapped his arm. The other man also laughed heartily and Gilraen smiled tearfully, perched on the man's lap.

I pulled back and turned to him as the laughter died down, bowing politely. "Greetings, my young cousin." I said warmly, and the laughter immediately died down as the room turned to look at me in confusion - all except for my parents, of course. I had expected mother would tell him all. "It is a pleasure to finally meet you - although I must admit that you do remind me of our ancestor Eärendil in your eyes." I said gaily, and his eyes turned hard.

"Please sit, Celine. It is a pleasure to meet you as well." He said, lips thinning into a tense smile. I sat along with everyone else, and he took a long look at my parents.

"Your parents have made known to me of their... past. And I will not deny it, though it baffles me. They were about to tell me of their child when you came, to our great joy." He began, and I nodded as Esgalnoron leaped into my lap, earning another long look.

"And as much as I appreciate your enthusiasm, I would greater appreciate if you do not speak as though you presume to know our ancestor in such a familiar fashion." He said sternly, and I raised my eyebrow in clear amusement.

"You will excuse me if I do not understand why not, young cousin." I replied genially, and his frown was thunderous. I could practically feel my parents' amusement.

"Ciaran, you never mentioned that your daughter is apparently older than you and I." Arathorn remarked, and I heard my father chuckle.

"Well, I never did tell you her story, did I, Arathorn?" He replied, and attention turned to me again.

"You are quite young in my eyes I'm afraid, lord Arathorn. I have had the pleasure of speaking with Eärendil as well as fighting alongside him in the War of Wrath some... oh, two Ages ago. I don't remember the dates anymore." I waved it off as though it were smoke, while confusion clouded the air. "In fact, I was there when he was born. I was also personal friends with Tuor - speaking of which, I really should go to Imladris and pay respects to lord Glorfindel and Elrond. I did live in Gondolin under lord Glorfindel's house for a while after all. Won't it be a surprise when he sees me, thinking me dead, Esgalnoron?" I asked delightedly, clapping my hands as he yapped.

~You are having way too much fun with this, Caladiel!~ He accused.

"Honey, you're really confusing him now. Do explain and stop teasing already!" My mother scolded, and I laughed before bowing my head to Arathorn.

"Forgive my rudeness, young lord. I meant no offense, but it has been long while since I have had the time or been in the mood to joke. Now, assuming you know where my parents come from - or at least my mother, apparently-"

Arathorn nodded as he and Gilraen paid close attention.

"Well. My father died when I was ten..." I began to tell them my backstory and how I ended up in the First Age by the Sirion. Interest was kindled in their eyes when I abruptly stopped just as I came to telling them my conclusion where I was. "But before I go on, I must know- what are the tales of the First Age concerning the Maia Sauron and the Vala Melkor?" I asked curiously. Although looking somewhat disappointed at my pause, it was Gilraen who answered.

"Sauron was said to have seemingly defected to Morgoth, but in the end came out as a hero for his part in working behind the enemy lines as part of the Faithful. He is praised for his heroic deeds in war, while Melkor is respected and Morgoth is greatly feared. During the Second Age, he was responsible for the destruction of Númenor-" She said, and I held up a hand.

"Let me guess. He was finally weakened by Isildur cutting off the finger where rested the One Ring." I said shrewdly, and they nodded despite looking surprised. I sat back in my chair, musing. Looks like everything is practically the same as the books, all except for the fact that it's Morgoth that's the hated name instead of Sauron. Heh, well isn't that coincidental?

"And let me ask this - what was the name of the leader of the Faithful during the War of Wrath?" I suddenly asked, almost startling them. Gilraen's eyes became wistful as she answered.

"An elf by the name of Caladiel, who was the vessel of the Secret Flame of Eru and died sacrificing her life to win the war." She sighed, while Arathorn rolled his eyes.

"Something I will not dispute, although I will say that I think it's exaggerated." He said, and I chuckled.

"Most likely. After all, that the reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated is very possible, I'll admit. Nice to know that there are those who believe in me, though: I was rather afraid that I'd become nothing but a wives' tale." I said amusedly, and both Arathorn and Gilraen stared in consternation.

"Oh don't look at me like that, I told you most likely a lot of things are exaggerated." I scoffed, waving my hand at them while Esgalnoron stretched and decided to morph into his Elven form, sitting down at my feet and yawning, earning stares.

"Although, I do hope that Glorfindel will keep things straight." I said, frowning. Then I shook my head. "Well, to be honest, I'll have to ask you to keep my true identity as secret, I'm afraid. I'd rather become known as a shadow again, not immediately be known as a hero, which I'm not." I said with a sigh, as everyone shook their heads in amazement.

"I cannot believe..." Arathorn shook his head, and then shook himself visibly before nodding at me. "We will keep this conversation in this room." He said firmly, and I nodded cooly.

"For which I thank you. Unfortunately, however, I cannot stay here." I gave my mother a guilty look as her face became stricken. "I am, always and forever, a Maia of Melkor, and I cannot forsake my duties." I sighed, and reached out to take her hand. My father gave me a look that I nodded slightly to show that I understood, while mom sighed.

"I should have known that." She said miserably, and I smiled.

"But I won't leave until a few days, and in the meantime let's keep up the facade of me being a lost and orphaned girl that was taken into your household, if that is agreeable with you, young lord?" I asked, looking to Arathorn, who nodded in agreement. Gilraen was smiling, but I could tell that they were going to have a long talk when we left.

I stood. "Perhaps we should leave and give them some time to come to grips with what has just been said here, yes?" I said calmly, and everyone stood in agreement before scattering to our respective homes.


	4. Confessions, Confusions, and Condolences

_Hiya everyone! Another update. As I mentioned before, the question and answer is reposted at the bottom of this chapter. But first, let me please answer the reviews of some Guest reviewers that I can't PM._

 _Guest: I'm glad that we have come to an understanding. Thank you for your honesty; I very much respect that. May the Lion be with you always as well!_

 _Curious (Guest): I explicitly stated in the Prologue, if you would have bothered to read it, that this is AU and that I recommend those who haven't to read the first one, as otherwise it would be confusing._

 _Guest 2: Thank you for your enthusiasm, and please,_

 _Read!_

 _Enjoy!_

 _Review!_

* * *

As soon as we entered the cabin, I paused and looked around, taking in the place I knew my mother would be staying. It was cozy and warm, if a little rustic, but I knew that as long as Dad was there, my mother would be happy anywhere.

"I know it's not like our old house," dad said quietly next to me, and I grasped his hand.

"I've lived in worse. This - this is easily home," was my equally quiet reply, and he squeezed my hand gently before letting it go and walking towards my mom at the hearth. I sat in a wooden chair nearby, while Esgalnoron crawled out of my pocket and once more morphed into Elven form, leaning against my feet.

"Don't you want a chair, brother?" I murmured, and he chuckled faintly.

"I'm used to a rocky, earthy den," he replied. "I think the floor is more comfortable now than a chair."

"You and your oddities," I sighed, and he snorted.

"Like you have any room to talk!"

Dad raised his hands, laughing. "Aye children, calm down," he scolded, and we subsided with a parting mock-glare as mom stifled a smile.

"You have traveled a long way, you should rest," Mom said softly, but I shook my head.

"I am far more used to such travel than I really should be," I said with a wry smile. "Besides, it's been a while since I've sat down and talked with either of you," I said, and they exchanged looks.

"Your mother... told me about your - time as Caladiel," Dad ventured. "I know it's been a very long time since you've seen me," he faltered for a moment, and I stood to clasp his hands.

"Time matters not to an immortal being. You are still my Dad, no matter how long it has been. I have no reason to complain; as far as I knew, you had been dead, beyond my reach forever. That I should be able to see you now is more than enough for me right now," I said calmly, and Mom looked away to hide her bright eyes as Dad smiled up at me fondly.

"You have indeed grown," he said quietly, and I sat back down.

"Eh, only in some ways," I replied mischievously, and he laughed.

"I can see that," he replied, arching an eyebrow at Esgalnoron and I, to which we replied with toothy grins.

Then he sighed. "There are many tales about you," he ventured somewhat hesitantly, and I smiled at him faintly.

"And I am just as eager as you are to let you know which ones are true and which ones are not," I replied in faint amusement, and he nodded slightly.

"Where to start?" he asked helplessly. "There are so many..."

"How about the questions that plague you most," I suggested quietly, and he took a deep breath.

"Is it true that in the end... you were chained by Morgoth?" he finally asked, and I saw Mom's face crumple.

I turned my head away towards the fire, feeling my eyes burn from the heat. There was a tense silence for a moment, then I answered, voice low. "Yes."

A keening sound came from my mom, and dad wrapped his arm around her. "I was," I reiterated heavily. "A collar of intricately decorated Mithril, made by Sauron and chained with iron. Yet, in a way, it was a beautiful collar... though I prefer not to recall my emotions at the time it was first placed on me," I said slowly, and Mom buried herself into Dad's side, shaking. He took in a shaking breath, and I refused to look at them.

"And... how did you die?" the last word was barely spoken, and I leaned back, staring sightlessly at the wall behind my parents.

"The Flame left me. It was the only thing keeping my body and soul together. When it left... I collapsed on myself," I replied emotionlessly, shrugging faintly as I recounted the fact. "It felt like imploding on yourself," I kept the descriptions brief, not wanting to distress Mom too much. I could not empathize with her, but I could try to minimize her understandable grief.

"At least... they say that there were a few people about you when you departed," Dad seemed to be grappling at straws.

"There were," I replied easily. "My master, Ada," I cut myself short as I realized what I had said, then bit my lip with a visible wince. "I - Sauron became an Ada to me," I looked at him anxiously, but he merely inclined his head, and understanding passed between us. He did not grudge me for substituting him with another, especially since I thought he was dead. That was not to say he wasn't hurt, but neither did he think harshly of me.

"My professed king Finrod; my foster son of sorts, Maeglin; Esgalnoron; and my - Ancalagon the Black," I cut myself off uneasily from saying what I was about to, and shifted in my chair. I knew I couldn't hide it from them forever, but that didn't mean I felt necessarily comfortable with telling them.

"Wait, Annatar Fair. He was Sauron wasn't he?" Puzzle pieces clicked into place for Mom, and I nodded curtly.

Dad seemed to chew on it for a few moments. "There were also stories... stories that said that Caladiel bore a ring when they buried her, and her last words were to Ancalagon the Black. It is said that on her tombstone there was written a line -" he was cut off as I abruptly stood, the chair teetering precariously before Esgalnoron righted it with inhuman reflexes.

I leaned against the fireplace for a moment, almost feeling as though I was about to throw up. My heavy breathing slowly calmed, and I turned back to Dad, my eyes burning. "There was a body to bury?" I croaked.

Dad and Mom both looked at me, tears streaming down her face while his eyes were infinitely sorrowed. His look was enough to tell me what I wanted to know. I let out a pained groan.

"I had hoped to spare him that one pain... That there would be no body to mourn over," I pressed my fist against my mouth, lips trembling.

"Yes, Dad, yes!" I finally cried out, turning fully. "I cannot hide it from you..." I held out my hand to them so they could clearly see the ring on my finger. "I loved him - despite that our marriage was arranged, _forced_ even - I loved him more than anything! He kept me together, gave me resolution to finish the job I had been sent to complete," I pounded my fist against the stone ledge of the fireplace.

"Valar only knows how much I loved him, how much I still love him - what was written on my gravestone is true... I was and still am proud to be called the wife of Ancalagon the Black!" I finally said, facing them with a rare display of emotion. My eyes stung and misted with tears, but my lips were firm, though my entire body projected sorrow and suffering, an aching yearning to find peace once more in the arms of loved ones, to not have burdens placed on my slumped shoulders.

Then my moment fled, and I was once more emotionless, Caladiel of old. Esgalnoron said nothing and merely sat there, his presence a comfort to me. Mom and Dad looked at me with faces of shock and yet pity for me, as well as endless sorrow.

"I am sorry to have hidden this from you... but it hurt too much. Nonetheless, I should have told you," I told Mom, and she stood to hug me tightly.

"I wish you would have, but I cannot blame you," she replied brokenly, and I nodded back stiffly.

Then I sat down, limbs stiff and painful. We sat in silence for several minutes.

"It is a comfort to know that at least loved ones were near you in the end," Dad finally said heavily. "I will not press for anything you would not wish to give, but at least answer me this - how were you treated?" his voice held a tone of resignation, though, as though he knew already what my answer would be.

"I will not speak of it in the presence of my mother," I replied immediately but with clear respect, and he nodded back as Mom made a valiant effort to control herself.

"Celine, I want to know-"

"No!" I said sharply before she could continue. "No, there are things _no_ parent should know about their child, and I will _not_ subject you to that, _ever._ Please, respect my decision in this, and at least allow me to calm you by telling you that in spite of everything, and even my marriage, I am still pure and untouched. I am scarred, but not tainted," I finished, and Mom heaved a shaking sigh before reluctantly agreeing.

But Dad and I exchanged looks, and I knew that my Dad would know far more than my mother ever would. He was a warrior. He would understand far better than my mother, who, despite her exposure to war and poverty, was very much innocent to the horrors of the battlefield and of Dark Lords.

"I think other questions can wait," Dad said. "Let's get you to bed, dear," he said softly, and Mom made to protest but was cut off by the firm look given her. She looked frustrated for a moment before exhaustion took over. I stood to kiss her cheek, then bowed myself into a dark corner as Dad took her into their room.

Five minutes later he came out to find Esgalnoron dozing by the fire as a wolf pup once more and me sitting in the chair mom had occupied. He sat down heavily next to me, and I glanced in his direction but said nothing.

Finally, he spoke. "I assume you have the Flame once more. I have never seen eyes like yours," he said, and I nodded tersely.

"Did he love you?" the question seemed to tumble past his lips before he could help himself, and I could feel him cringe slightly.

At that I turned to him fully, my eyes soft. "I should leave soon. I have not the courage to face my mother," I admitted laboriously. "Perhaps you should tell her what I cannot."

He grasped my hand in his, and the wordless agreement and understanding was exchanged. We both knew that it was best. "I will press for nothing," he reiterated gently. "I only hope you know how much I love you... Even if I don't really know you yet, since you have grown out of the little princess I knew," he murmured. I pressed his hand in return.

"Always I missed you as well, father. Sauron was a father in his own right, but he never replaced you," I replied, and sensed that his hurt eased ever so slightly at the knowledge. Then I sighed.

"He loved me first," I admitted, and could tell he was surprised at the dry tone in my voice. "Morgoth wished to - experiment - with us, to see what sort of offspring we could create. However, I managed to avoid that part. The part I couldn't avoid was the fact that we were wed. You know how bonding works: like the elves," I said, and he nodded, though his face was strained.

"He held himself back admirably, considering that dragons take mates. He proved time and time again that he loved me, father," my voice grew soft. "In the end, I was given a choice to nullify the bond, but I chose to keep it. I realized that I loved him as well," then I laughed ruefully. "He had no little charm and much flirtation, but still, somehow I fell in love," I said, looking down at the ring, and then sighed.

"As for what mother asked... I trust you will not tell her," I said, and he nodded solemnly.

"You have my word."

And I knew that he would not, for he was a Dunedaín, and they do not break their word. "I was not treated well," I hesitated. "I was... let us merely say that I was often used as a scientific Guinea pig considering what I held and leave it at that," I said, and Ciaran leaned back in his chair to groan, low and tortured, making me visibly wince.

It was too much. I could not stay. I _had_ to leave, to get away from this. It was best for all of us. "I - I must leave tomorrow morning, before mother awakens," I stammered, and he looked back at me, features anguished.

"When will you return?" he croaked.

"I cannot say," I replied quietly, then paused. "But I will promise this: the latest I shall return is when Gilraen gives birth to the next in the line of Isildur," I said, and he merely stared at me for a moment before nodding laboriously.

"As you wish," he managed, and then stood, stooping to kiss my brow tenderly with a broken 'I love you' before quickly making his way into his room and shutting the door behind him.

I was left in the darkness of the deserted room poorly lit by the dwindling fire to sink to my knees and weep bitterly for the sake of my parents.

 ** __Break_Dragon_Esgalnoron_Break__**

Esgalnoron was clutched in my grasp as I knocked on the door to Arathorn and Gilraen's house. The door opened soon after, and Gilraen, after a moment of surprise, quickly ushered me in.

"My apologies for disturbing you at such an early hour, lady Gilraen," I murmured, and she placed a hand on my arm.

"Dawn is not early for the Dunedaín," she replied gently, and I merely nodded.

"May I speak with lord Arathorn? I will be swift," I asked, and she bid me wait before disappearing into an adjoining room. A moment later Arathorn came in, and nodded to me before motioning to a chair.

I declined politely. "I must leave sooner than I expected," I said lowly, and he looked at me in surprise.

"But your parents-"

I raised my hand. "I will not tell you it is for their good that I leave. I will not tell you it is a selfless act. If anything, my lord, I am being selfish and cowardly; but I cannot stay. My past lies between my parents and I in a wide chasm of grief and pain, and by speaking of it to my parents, I have wounded them deeply as I have never wished to do. There are some things that parents should never know about their children," I said quietly. "I will leave, because right now, my own hurts are too deep, too fresh. For me, it has only been a few years since I died in the War of Wrath. I pray you think not ill of me. I will return however, presumably within a few months," I finished, and Arathorn stood.

"You are my cousin, but you are not one of my people," he said quietly. "You are welcome here, as long as you keep our secrets and our heritage safe. I have no worries on that front. Go and come as you wish, cousin, and may the blessing of the Valar and what grace is left with our people go with you," he replied, and I gave him a low bow.

"You are my cousin and yet I respect you as the leader of what was once my people, though I can say that no longer. Rest assured that even as some secrets have sunk under the sea that covers Beleriand and remain untold, I shall keep the safety of these people secure," I answered. "Give lady Gilraen my greetings-" for a moment I hesitated, then gave him a keen look.

"And also tell her that what hope she bears is worth every pain," I added, and though obviously confused, he nodded in reply, pressing a hand to his heart in a gesture of farewell. I returned it and quietly left, hearing the latch shut behind me as I slipped into the shadows next to the cabin. Esgalnoron let out a quiet whine and squirmed in my arms, and I set him down so he could follow me on his own four paws.

Slipping quietly out of the camp, Esgalnoron and I struck out to leave. We managed to get to Bree again by the evening, where I made use of the small pouch of gold I found on the table next to me when I woke up that morning. I stayed in a tiny inn, not caring to spend more money for just one night. With a sigh, I sat on the edge of the bed and buried my head in my hands. As though sensing what I wanted, Esgalnoron morphed into his Elven form and sat next to me, placing a hand on my shoulder gently.

"Where do we go?" I asked quietly. I was too tired to think, too exhausted to make a decision.

There was a moment of silence. "Imladris."

I looked up at my brother, silently asking why. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I know we were careful, but what if we _weren't?_ We both know that there can only be one reason you were brought back now."

I stared at him, clearly _not_ aware. He shook his head. "I hate to put it this way, but both of us were bred for war," he finally said, and I suddenly realized what he was trying to say. My dismay must have been clear on my face, and he hung his head. "I don't like it either," he muttered, and we clasped hands.

"We're figureheads," I finally gave voice to my horror. Because of all I had done in the First Age, I had become a beacon of hope through the Ages. Like others, such as Beleg, Finrod, and all of the other larger-than-life heroes, I was considered a symbol of the free peoples of Arda. My name was up there with many others as people to look at and rally around: examples of freedom. Esgalnoron - both of us. Eru had deliberately sent me away so that I would become larger-than-life, no longer among them to keep the story straight. And now, we were thrust back to continue what we had started; figureheads for the public - an assassin for the masses. It was like a compliment delivered in a backhanded slap.

Esgalnoron was right - we were _bred_ for war. Broken down from what we were to make us into something else. We were still _us_ , but also something else. Two fronts; two faces. I groaned.

"We need to go to Imladris," Esgalnoron plowed on, determined even through his reluctance. "There we can get information. You know that in Imladris is the largest collection of books and materials that we'll be able to find this side of Valinor. And there, we can figure out what is where and who is here and everything else we probably want to know. And perhaps..."

I turned to him again wearily as he petered off. He gave me an uncertain look. "Maybe we might find someone there that we know," he muttered. My brain decided to shut down at that. I didn't even want to think about it. Esgalnoron grimaced as he felt my meltdown over our mental link.

"Yep, you broke me. Good night, bro," I turned over and promptly fell asleep on his lap, dead to the world.

* * *

 _Here is the answer to the review, as promised._

 _I received a review from a guest that I'd like to address here, especially since I was expecting it sooner or later. It was as follows:_ There is something that I don't understand. You say you are a Christian, yet you are writing stories that are very dark and you seem to be saying that not all evil is evil, that some evil is actually good evil and your character for this story seems like she's "one of the bad guys" (especially with the "form" she took when she was riding Esgalnoron to the Edain encampment) but you put her in the "good guy" spotlight. Could you explain yourself, please?

 _I will gladly explain. Firstly, I will reiterate it again: I **am** a Christian, and I am proud of it. This I will not deny. However, I believe that you are taking my intents for this story out of context._

 _It is not wrong for Christians to write darker stories. Tolkien was a Catholic, and yet he wrote of war and good vs. evil with dark themes, especially portrayed by his note in the_ Silmarillion _that "Morgoth looked at Lúthien, and a dark plan formed in his mind as had not been thought before." This clearly implies rape. Darkness is an inherent part of life created by sin._

 _As for saying that not all evil is evil, I disagree. I said nothing of the sort. In the first book, I said clearly that Morgoth and Melkor were two separate beings within the same body. But they had two different mindsets. This also relates to Caladiel and how she has a "darker form" and was seemingly on the side of evil but working for good. This is a slight allegory to the life of Christians. We have the "old man" of the flesh which is drawn to sin and evil, but we also have the "sanctified new man" or "indwelling of the Holy Spirit" once we accept Christ as our Savior. They coexist within our one physical body, but they are separate spiritual natures._

 _Just as this "darker" side of both Caladiel and Morgoth/Melkor was brought to life in Angband, so this world brings out both sides of us as people. The evil in this world affects us very much, and we must live among much sin and struggle with temptations and trials. Caladiel sometimes slips into her darker side - so do we when we sin or do the wrong things. Caladiel is a very literal interpretation of this concept of sin and good coexisting within one body and soul._

 _As for this "good evil" you speak of, I do not intend to portray it this way. Morgoth is separate from Melkor, and while Melkor seeks to do Eru's will, Morgoth is drawn away from Eru. This is, once again, a symbol of my Christian beliefs as earlier explained with Caladiel. However, just as no one is beyond God's reach of mercy and forgiveness, so Melkor is not unredeemable, unlike Morgoth who has made his choice to refuse Eru for the rest of his life._

 _In this world, darkness and light often have blurred lines so as to seem "grey." I have shown this confusing mingle by placing Caladiel as a vessel of purity within the darkness of evil's stronghold to show that such is the life of a Christian: our flesh is corrupt, but our souls will stand bright and strong. We do wrong, but we are not unredeemable by grace and faith._

 _Also, I must remind you, dear readers, that this is fictional. It must not be taken **too** seriously, and remember that while there will be some truths, there will also be fantasy. This is an experiment for me and a source of entertainment for you - please remember that this is not an account of reality and must not be taken too far. Thank you, guest, for asking this question honestly, and I sincerely apologize if I have confused you in any way or hindered your walk with God. I meant to portray some of my beliefs while still having fun, not to confuse you._

 _If you have any other questions or are unsatisfied with this response, please by all means create a random account and PM me; I will very happily answer your questions in any way that I can. It is an author's goal to be understood and to portray truth to their readers, not to confuse or become a stumbling-block._

 _So, thank you for your attention, and until the next chapter;_

 _May the Force be with you, the Valar guide you, and the odds be ever in your favor!_

 _Kiya~_


	5. Rivendell, Revelations, and Relations

_Welcome to the new and unfortunately delayed update! I had meant to update sooner, but life dealt me a sucker punch and I had to collect my pieces. At any rate, I want to thank all those who have reviewed, and to whoever didn't, I hope you enjoyed anyway._

 _Guest: Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy!_

 _Without further ado, please,_

 _Read!_

 _Enjoy!_

 _Review!_

* * *

Chapter 5

"So."

~So what?~

I glared down at Esgalnoron's head. "You have any idea how to get to Imladris?" I demanded.

~... No. I assumed you did.~

I threw up my hands. "I'll hafta guess, numbskull. It's not like I've actually been there before," then I sighed. "Head northeast. We'll hit the Trollshaws and head due east. That should be enough for now," I said wearily.

~If you're sure...~

"No I'm not. Get on with it," I retorted. Esgalnoron began an easy lope, and I had to re-accustom myself to riding him. Whoever said riding a werewolf was easy clearly had no idea what they were talking about.

~You're grouchy.~

"Yes I am," I answered wryly. "I'm not happy about life right now, excuse me for being a bit grumpy. I just need to figure out how to save the world and look good doing it, no pressure, thanks a lot."

~You did it last time.~

"Don't be stupid, we both know very well that I was just a pawn. I held the flame, that's it. Melkor did all the work; I just stayed alive," I replied simply, and after a moment, he nodded.

~You're right.~

"I usually am," but this time my voice was tinged with amusement. "Hopefully that's all I'll have to do this time."

~You do realize you probably just jinxed it, right?~

"... Shut up, Esgalnoron."

The laughter that rang through my mind only made me raise an amused eyebrow at my wolf. To be perfectly honest, I was trying my best to try _not_ to think of anything at the moment. Nothing at all. Not one moment of my past, not one worry about the prospective future. I had been through so much, suffered so much, gave up so much. I had nothing left to give now, in my own opinion. I'd given my life and my effort and my time already - what more was there to offer? My entire life in Middle Earth had been heartache, and even the happy moments were overshadowed; I'd found the love of my life and even _married_ him, only to have him stripped away from me. I'd found family, and was taken away from them. I'd found my master, someone to really serve with all my heart, and I was denied serving him. I'd been sent back to Earth to have rest, which while I physically appreciated, did almost nothing for me mentally, because of all the scars and baggage I still carried around and probably always would. And now I was brought back again and expected to give my everything _again_ , and when I find my biological family I find that I have so little in common with them now. What sham of a life was this?

That's why I was trying so hard not to think at all. Don't get me wrong; I willingly gave up all of that. I will do it again willingly. Why? Because my efforts would make a difference to millions. It would keep people free and safe. I was doing what I was created to do. It gave me purpose. It gave my mind purpose and direction and occupation. And besides, I would be obeying Eru. That was something I would always do willingly.

My heart ached so badly at times for those I loved that it made me press my hand over my chest, as though I could soothe the pain there. It took many people by surprise when I suddenly became short of breath and pressed my hand against my chest, or began shaking uncontrollably because of the sudden paranoia that gripped me as I suffered from anxiety attacks. It was easily explained by the accident and effects of the radiation, but it still ran so deep that it was inevitable people would still wonder. My PTSD was a wonder to doctors and therapists. Even though I may have been beyond Morgoth's physical reach on Earth, that didn't mean my mind was impervious to his presence that had haunted me for so long and so hard.

I sometimes still caught myself trying to perfect something I was doing under the habitual assumption that pain was the consequence of not doing so. I still found myself flinching at times when someone raised their hand. I still found myself feeling on the edge of a breakdown when I heard wrathful shouting. I still wept uncontrollably sometimes because of the fear that would overwhelm me from my memories and flashbacks.

Was it all worth it in the end? Yes. Would I do it again? I was about to, in a heartbeat. Would I ever regret it? Sometimes, yes, of course. Occupational hazard. Would I ever wish it hadn't happened? Yes. Would I do it again? _Yes._ I will. Because it's worth it. I'm protecting my family. I will never not do what I can. No matter what happens, no matter how much I break. Not for myself, but for others.

~Caladiel.~

Esgalnoron's wondering tone made me look up, and almost immediately gasp. I'd seen Nargothrond, and I'd seen Gondolin, and it was true that this was nothing compared to that, but this - this was still unbelievable. I stared at the Last Homely House before the Sea, and decided that the movies did it justice visually but not atmospherically. It was just like the movies, but so much... _More._ It was incredibly breathtaking, and I felt as though there was something distinctly hallow about that valley. And certainly, I could feel the magic about it. It called to the Flame in me.

"How - how did we get here?" I croaked, licking my lips, and realized that I was in my purer form out of sheer respect for the atmosphere of the Hidden Valley.

~I took your advice and map in your memory. You were lost in thought, so I didn't bother you and took the Bruinen on the other side of the Trollshaws and followed it to here.~ Was the equally amazed reply, and I patted the ruff of his neck.

"Thank you, Esgalnoron. I don't know what I'd do without you," I sighed, sliding off his back and throwing the hood of my worn grey-green cloak over my head. I was dressed in the white dress that I had used so often in my old days in Beleriand. The one I entered Nan Elmoth in, the one I had worn when I stood on the top of Thangorodrim and fell irrevocably in love. The skirt was now tattered and swirled in slices around my lower legs, but I didn't care.

"You'd die of self-negligence and forgetting yourself," was the wry grunt, and I realized that he had resumed his Elf form shrouded by the cloak that he had used to find me in Bree.

"Probably too true," I replied with a shrug, then looked at him in surprise as he extended a hand.

"I should escort you like a good protective big brother, right?" An amused smile curled his lips, and I grinned back under my hood as I took his hand.

"Lead on, big brother," I bobbed my head, and we began the descent into the Valley. I felt the magic wash over me, felt myself become rejuvenated from the healing coolness of it. ~Vilya~ I murmured.

~I know. I feel it.~ Esgalnoron agreed. ~And is it just me or-~

~Nope. We have company.~

"Mae Govannen!" A cheerful voice called, and we looked from under our hoods to see someone bounding towards us from an adjoining trail. I nearly choked on my own saliva. I heard Esgalnoron muffle a cough. The golden haired, blue eyed ellon bounded up. "Welcome to Imladris," he bowed, a hand over his sword as he grinned. "One of my patrol said he recognized your cloak," he nodded to Esgalnoron.

"Indeed? He has good memory, then. I did have help from the elves of Imladris to find my sister," Esgalnoron lifted my hand in his.

"You remind me of another brother and sister I used to know," was the nostalgic answer. "They lived under my house for a time... At any rate-" he shook himself off - "you are welcome. May I escort you to lord Elrond?" he smiled, though there was old pain in his eyes from memories.

"Are you lord Glorfindel? From Gondolin?" I stepped forwards and asked.

"Indeed my lady, I am. The very one," he replied, sounding faintly amused, as though he'd heard it all before (which he obviously had).

"Then I am surprised that you do not remember old acquaintances," there was a faint smile in my tone, as I raised my head enough for him to see the unmistakable blue of my eyes. His own sapphire blue eyes widened, and I shook my head. He took the hint and merely grinned widely.

"I thought we'd never see you again," he enthused quietly, and Esgalnoron and I chuckled. Then he suddenly turned grave. "You have come at the right time. Come, lord Elrond needs to see you," then he nodded and began to lead the way.

By the time we cleared the gates without question, since we were under the gaze of the Seneschal of Rivendell after all, it was nearing late afternoon. He led us through the halls, some of which I recognized from the movies and interested Esgalnoron through the memories I leaked to him. By the time we came to a intricately carved door, I was feeling a slight panic begin to rise in me again. I wasn't used to this and I had stage fright and what the Valar was I gonna say-

~You were an emissary to the Valar for the Faithful, for Eru's sake, you've done worse before. Keep it together.~ Esgalnoron snapped, effectively making me snap out of it. I sent him a grateful pulse and walked into the room. The longer I continued to stay in Middle Earth, the more I found myself becoming Caladiel once more. It was like C.S. Lewis had written about his Narnia: there was something in the air that made me regain my previous strength. It turned out to be a good thing, considering the extremely un-canonical sight of Elrond talking with someone very familiar that greeted us as soon as we walked in the door.

They turned to look at us, and I immediately saw the other figure stiffen. Elrond looked mildly curious. "Glorfindel?"

"Lord Elrond. This is the elf that our patrol helped to find his sister earlier this week. They have now come to Imladris, and I found that they are old friends returned to us again," Glorfindel bowed, then stood guard by the door. Esgalnoron squeezed my hand, and stepped forwards.

"Lord Elrond Eärendilion, it is my honor to meet you. I thank your people for helping me find my sister; I now present her," he bowed and relinquished my hand as I took a step forwards and bowed.

"Lord Elrond," I greeted quietly. The other figure snapped.

"My lady," he seemed to blurt, then knelt before me. I paused in almost absolute shock. Elrond turned to the seeming ellon with no little surprise.

"Kalarion?" he asked in surprise.

"Rise, Kal," there was a smile in my voice that was albeit strained. Elrond turned to me once more. "I apologize, lord Elrond. My name is Caladiel, and this is my brother Esgalnoron. I have come to Imladris to seek answers," and I pulled back my hood as Esgalnoron did the same. Elrond stared at me.

"You are Caladiel... of the Faithful?" he asked wonderingly. I swallowed slightly and took a deep breath.

"I am," I replied, and turned a nervous glance at Kalarion. "Kalarion... I did not expect to see you," I whispered, and he looked down at the floor.

"Neither did we or our leaders, Caladiel," he replied.

Elrond stepped forwards. "I see we have much to discuss," he said briskly and firmly. "Let us adjoin to the library and see what we may find out there."

We immediately deferred to him and followed him to said library, settling at a table that was clean with only a single map on it. I dragged the map towards me, studying it. "Much has changed," I said in faint surprise. The lay of the land hadn't, but there were names I'd never seen before on it.

"Beleriand sank," Kalarion replied tersely. I nodded calmly.

"That much I was aware of - what is this?" I pointed at what seemed to be a small settlement right beneath the mountain Carn Dûm and above the Ettenmoors, due North of the Trollshaws.

I felt Kalarion exchange a glance with Glorfindel before he sighed. "There is a lot to explain," he said tersely, and I held up a hand.

"I see. Now, before we start, let me answer the questions that Elrond will have and deserve to be answered first," I said with the quiet authority I had wielded as Caladiel. Kalarion immediately nodded, and I could tell it was partially from habit. Elrond seemed to have seen this and looked at me calmly, though with a light in his eyes that made me realize that he was reassessing what he knew of me.

"Thank you," he replied calmly. "As Kalarion and Glorfindel clearly know you, I doubt not your claim. However, I think we are all wondering where you were."

A small smile flitted over my mouth. "I was sent elsewhere than Middle Earth by Eru until the right time. Physical rest was needed for me," I replied, and he nodded, satisfied by the answer.

"Do you know what you are here for?" he queried, and I could tell that it was because he had no idea or only an inkling himself.

"I must hear Kalarion first," I replied, and they nodded in understanding.

"Did you know my father?" he asked, and this time curiosity was in his eyes. I closed my own and leaned back.

"I did. Turgon, Tuor, Idril, and Eärendil. I knew them, and worked with them," I replied softly. He digested it for a minute.

"One other question for the time being," he said, then seemed to draw in a breath as well. "Do you still have the Flame?"

And this, I felt, was the entire crux of the matter. I stared him in the eyes. "I was given what I needed at first, and gave it up to complete my mission. I have been given all necessary tools once more," I replied simply, and saw that he understood that I was giving him his answer by my eyes. He inclined his head.

"Kalarion," he handed the dragon the floor. Kalarion took in a deep breath.

"Once you died -" I saw Elrond and Glorfindel almost visibly wince at the lack of tact, but when they glanced at me I was merely smiling faintly, knowing the general tactlessness of the dragons. Only Ancalagon and Elboron had ever had any semblance of that. " - we buried you on the height of Thangorodrim, facing Nargothrond."

For a moment, I felt tears leap to my eyes in thanks for the thoughtfulness of that. "Who issued that?" I interrupted, and Kalarion gave me a long look.

"Finrod. The rest agreed," he answered, and I nodded for him to go on after a breath. Esgalnoron clasped my hand. I hadn't allowed him to tell me anything before, so the news was new to me. "Esgalnoron had disappeared shortly after your burial, and we never saw him since then," Kalarion went on. "Beleriand sank, but everyone living was first evacuated to the shores of what is now Lindon. From there, elves scattered. Many who hadn't died - unlike Glorfindel, who perished to a Balrog trying to protect one of the Faithful -" he nodded to the ellon, who smiled tightly in reply - "chose to stay at Lindon under the rule of Círdan. Lady Galadriel and Finrod and Celeborn went to Lóthlorien to settle there. Lady Amarië was allowed to come in place of Arafinwë who went back to Valinor, and wedded Finrod. They and Galadriel and Celeborn rule jointly there over the elves from Nargothrond. The elves of Doriath joined the Silvans and settled on either side of Mirkwood. Thranduil, whose father Oropher died in a later war, rules in the Mountains of Mirkwood, whereas Elwë and Melian rule further north. The Girdle stands once more and is strengthened even more by Thranduil's own power over the woods," he went on, and I began to see the repercussions of my meddling.

"Those of the Noldor followed Elrond to Imladris, who has also made this place as a haven for wandering elves who had no home or were lost. Many chose to go to Valinor, sick of life and hardships here in Arda. Men scattered every which way and continued to flourish as they always do. As for the Faithful - we were offered places in Valinor, but none but Melkor accepted. It is said that one day Melkor will return to cast Morgoth into the Void, but as of yet nothing has happened - except for you now," Kalarion had his eyes closed, as though trying to sort out his mind. "We Faithful knew nothing of Valinor and did not wish to go, though we did want to serve Melkor. As a reinstated Vala, he commanded us to form our own group and keep the legends and hope alive, and prepare always for his return. We formed our own small kingdom under the shadow of Carn Dûm, now known as the Haven of Faith. Sauron was appointed ruler over us, and all of the original Faithful are there, as well as many new members. We have formed a good sized group of skilled individuals, who use a wolf engulfed by blue flame as our emblem. We have always cultured good diplomatic relations with Imladris and Lóthlorien and the Rangers of the North in particular."

He paused, and I raised a hand, almost dizzied by the information. I placed my hand on the tabletop weakly, head whirling. "Everyone?" I croaked. Kalarion suddenly lowered his head.

"Everyone," his voice was quiet, knowing that he was affirming my suspicion. My ringed hand fisted on the table as I breathed harshly, and I felt eyes fall on it. Glorfindel and Elrond's breaths sucked in, and I knew that they had grasped the meaning of that statement. Esgalnoron might as well have been stone. I managed to gather myself.

"Then Morgoth tried to take over Nûmenor under another name and managed just before it was engulfed by the waters. He then forged the _One_ and waged war against the free people's, finally defeated when Isildur cut off his finger and took it for himself, refusing to heed Elrond's advice to end it once and for all. And so we come to now, when the shadows of the enemy are moving and amassing again, discovered as the Necromancer by Gandalf," I said mechanically, and everyone gave me startled looks. "I know my lineage," I said weakly, and Elrond started.

"Your bloodline?" he asked, and I hung my head.

"I am of the line of Elros Tar-Minyataur, born to the first cousin of Arathorn, current chief of the Dúnedain. I was sent away by Eru to another place and raised there under certain conditions, then dropped back in the First Age. I only found out after I died and was sent away again," I groaned. "I am a descendant of Elwë, Melian, Lúthien, Beren, Eärendil, and Elros. All the bloods are mingled in me, hence my ability to exist anywhere in the timelines," I stood abruptly and stood by the window, gaining my breath back. _He_ was here. _He_ was -

I turned to Kalarion to see them in stunned silence. "Kalarion..."

He snapped to me. "You never deferred to me like that before," I gave him a silent demand for an explanation.

His gaze slid away. "You're our Queen of sorts-"

"Princess," I gave him a sudden, weary smile, to which he nodded knowingly.

"Yes, according to Sauron. We always deferred to you, but you grew into something more as well after you left. Ancalagon always remained the leader of the dragons and since you were- _are_ -"

He was stopped as I suddenly doubled over, grasping my stomach with a gasp of pain. Esgalnoron leaped up and lunged to grab me, but I waved him away.

"Forget it, I'm fine, I'm fine," I choked very unconvincingly. Kalarion gave me a wince of apology. "Go on," I rasped, and he swallowed.

"Because of that... you became our -" he seemed to fumble for words. "Our symbol of sorts," he said uncertainly.

I sat back down shakily. "I - I see," I said weakly.

"You were once of my house," Glorfindel suddenly said, and I looked at him, eyes weary. "Where will you go now?"

I immediately understood what he was trying to say. "I don't think I will stay here, lord Glorfindel, but nevertheless I thank you for your kindness. I have always enjoyed the time I spend under your rule," I replied with a smile, reaching out to touch his hand gently. "It was always a time for rest for me," I looked down.

"Nevertheless, if you decide to stay, you are welcome," Elrond said quietly. I squared my shoulders and looked up, pulling myself together piece by piece.

I looked up, face set. "Thank you, m'lord, but I must move on. I will go to Lóthlorien and pay respects to my king, and I believe I must go back - back home," I said quietly, looking at Kalarion. His white-blue eyes looked at me, and through the bond I had with the dragons, could see his relief. "I have things to do. But before I do," and here I bit my lip, chewing it. Finally though, I looked to Elrond. "If you do not mind, I will stay for a few days, and write out the important parts of my story so that the truth may be given to those who care to read it. I feel that though I am a herald of the end of peace, it is not immediate. I feel it will be a while yet before I will come to the front lines once more."

Elrond nodded. "I will spread the word discreetly and slowly," he replied gravely, and I inclined my head.

"I must resolve things with my family first. I have apologies to make and much to atone for," I said quietly, looking to Kalarion.

"Lies," he immediately replied, and I smiled at him.

"Shut up, Kalarion," I replied agreeably, and he merely grunted sourly while Esgalnoron rolled his eyes.

"It's hopeless Kalarion, I've been trying for a long time already," he informed the white Dragon solemnly, whose face twisted.

"Wait," I suddenly said, lost in thought. "Does that mean that dragon travel is common?" I asked, and Kalarion frowned.

"Somewhat. We are known to most of Arda I'm sure, but there are other dragons who escaped as well as Balrogs, and are somewhere out there. Smaug, for example. The dwarves never have approached us, though neither do they attack us or speak ill of the Faithful in particular," he replied. "Those in Rhûn speak evilly of us, though they accept cold drakes readily enough," he added.

I nodded slowly. "And... Maeglin?" I asked, and he gave me a long look.

"He is wed," was the cautious reply. I stared at him, mouth open.

For a second, there was absolute silence. Then - "What the actual Angband?" I spluttered, sending Glorfindel and Esgalnoron into hysterical laughter, while Kalarion and Elrond looked faintly amused. A thought suddenly hit me and I sat bolt upright. "Hold on one Goth-blasted minute, did Thurwething fall for him?" I demanded, and it was his turn to look surprised.

"Yes," he replied simply, and I leaned back in shock.

"Nirad's spawn, Cosmoco's breath, Scatha's tail, by my broken ribs, can it actually be that my wish for her came true?" I finally gasped, and received howls of laughter at my choice of words. I stared at the map forlornly. "I have a lot to catch up on," I finally moaned, and received grins in reply.

Well that was polite of them.

 ** __Break_Dragon_Esgalnoron_Break__**

I sat up with a low groan, rubbing my lower back and sighing. Esgalnoron slid up next to me and placed a hand on my shoulder, looking down over my shoulder where I sat on a chair. "Did you finish it?" he asked quietly, and I nodded, looking down at the parchment.

It had been meticulous work that had taken me quite a few days to complete. It was just the bare bones of the important parts of history that I had lived through and could provide eyewitness account to. It would later be incorporated into other historical annals and slowly spread through newer manuscripts until it became an ingrained part of history books and references.

In the meantime, I had also read other manuscripts from the library and caught up on my history. Kalarion had been brief, but he had also been thorough in what he did mention. The mentions of me were not few, but many were rather warped or exaggerated. About the only thing the various authors could agree upon concerning me was my gender. I had sent Esgalnoron into convulsions when I confided in him with no little relief that at least I hadn't been genderbent. There was an account written by Finrod that I had spent careful time reading as well, and the mentions of me were the most accurate that I had come across so far. Esgalnoron was treated the same - some called him a dragon, some a wolf, some a bird, and some an elf of exaggerated stature and strength. None called him Maia but Finrod.

However, I had Esgalnoron busy as well, making him dig through every shelf in the entire library, looking for any mention of the Faithful. What he had found and read to me oftentimes made me weep with gratitude. None of them had forgotten me. Many used my name as a rallying cry, resolve strengthened in the name of avenging me. Nevertheless, they had always been Faithful to Eru and the Free People, and that more than anything else made me proud of them. I was a thin thread holding them to Eru's cause, but that I could be in their minds nonetheless humbled me. Kalarion had also been invaluable in the relating of his own memory banks, filling in details of some things and straightening out fact from legend in others. He apologized for the inconsistency in the accounts of me, but I waved him off with the remark that it was impossible to catch every mistake. It would have happened in any care anyway. He still insisted on mentioning that Finrod's was the best-accepted account of that part of history anyway, which did mollify me somewhat. Finrod may have been overly fond of me in his descriptions, but at least he was honest and recounted things exactly as they happened.

The parchment in front of me was precious, and I had done my best to pen down all the information I could think of as being important. The thought that perhaps Faramir would one day use my manuscript to compile his own records made me shiver in delight and awe, and Esgalnoron rubbed my shoulder in concern, feeling the gesture. I merely reached up and pressed his hand before standing to carefully bind the pages together with glue, thread, and leather. With an awl and paint, I painstakingly made a neat title of _Caladiel's Memoirs of the War of Wrath_ on the simple cover and turned it in to Elrond, who gratefully and (though he'd never admit it) eagerly accepted it. I exchanged a tiny smile with Esgalnoron and Kalarion as I handed him an extra small tome.

Elrond gave me a curious look as he took it. "Please lord Elrond, keep this safe and secret," I said softly. "There will come a time when this may be released to others, but when war is coming, it is not the time. I was once and still am an assassin, and my knowledge of poisons, plants, and herbal cures were beyond anyone of my day besides Melian and perhaps a few others," I gave him a grave look. "In this tome are the secrets of my trade and the priceless gatherings of many who sacrificed their lives to gain this knowledge of medicinal lore. You are the one Elf in the Third Age that I can trust will use this knowledge for the best and keep it safe for now, until the War is over and those who may otherwise twist this knowledge for the worst are gone."

Elrond looked down at the small booklet with a new look of appreciation, then looked into my eyes with plain honesty. "You honor me. I will keep it safe," he replied simply but regally, and I bowed low.

"I know. Thank you," I replied similarly, then took my leave after farewells. Kalarion and Esgalnoron and I would fly to Lóthlorien the next day. Kal was due to go there to renew the alliance anyway, so we would go together. I had stayed out of the sight of other elves of Imladris as much as was possible, and therefore had only glimpsed such elves as Lindir from afar, though I had the honor of meeting Erestor briefly, as Elrond's counsellor. As for Elrond's wife and children - Celebrían had already sailed, and Elladan and Elrohir were away with the Dunedaín while Arwen was in Lóthlorien with her grandmother. It was a miracle I hadn't bumped into the twins. It would've been nice, but a sticky situation at the time, so that had been a relief.

I finally settled down in a private room, while Kalarion and Esgalnoron joined me and began to talk quietly. I smiled at their conversation at times, but mostly just sat there silently, contented and feeling as peaceful as I could for all that was going on. Glorfindel joined us in a rare moment of being off-duty, and we welcomed him into our company readily, conversation flowing freely again.

"By the way Caladiel," Kalarion drew me into attention once more as I looked at him.

"Yeah?" I replied, and he smirked slightly, exposing his fangs.

"Maeglin still maintains that you are coming back, and is keeping Faelon safe and well," he said, and Esgalnoron and I burst into laughter.

"Oh, Faelon," I shook my head. "I miss my faithful fireball," I grinned. "He was the most cheeky communicator I've ever had the pleasure of working with."

Esgalnoron snorted. "Just cheeky? He was downright irreverent," he sniffed.

"Well what do you expect, he was made by Sauron after all," Kalarion smirked, and sent us into further convulsions of laughter.

"Actually though, Sauron knew I was coming back. He's the one who - erm - precipitated my return," I said, and Kalarion frowned.

"Well then he's a selfish little -"

"Maia, yes, I know," I interjected calmly, and Eagalnoron had the audacity to snicker.

"Well you know he loves surprises, as long as he's not the one being surprised," he grinned.

"That makes sense," Glorfindel said thoughtfully.

I let out a 'pfft' noise. "Well then I must have been altogether unpleasant for him," I rolled my eyes. "Dropping out of nowhere then demanding a piece of his hair - good Master, now I'm sounding like Feänor accosting Galadriel," I said in horror, causing a fresh burst of amusement. "Then promptly dubbing him as my adopted Ata and insulting him to his face while somehow simultaneously complimenting him. It's a wonder I wasn't killed straight off," I facepalmed at myself as Esgalnoron fell over laughing.

"The things you said and did," Kalarion said with a straight face, while Glorfindel listened with unabashed interest.

"Like what!?" I demanded, pretending to be offended.

"Allowing Esgalnoron to crush poor Scatha's tail to pieces," he replied solemnly.

"Oh please, you were grinning. Don't pretend to sympathize with that little wyrm," Esgalnoron sneered, and Kalarion's lips twitched slightly.

"Then the time you insulted Nirad and paid for it," he said wryly.

"Oh thanks, that sure doesn't make me embarrassed," I deadpanned, ignoring the concerned glance that Esgalnoron sent me. My new body still bore the scars, yes, as it was a carbon copy of my old one, but to be honest I liked them. They were proofs of who I was. Esgalnoron had been right when he told me that I should bear them with pride. I had survived, after all.

"Or the time you insulted Gothmog?" and this time Kalarion was grinning at me. My eyebrow went up to my hairline.

"Goth? Who is that? Oh, you mean Cosmoco?" I feigned innocence, and Glorfindel was left to wonder at our nonexistent sanity as Esgalnoron and Kalarion snickered.

"If you don't mind me asking, Glorfindel - and excuse me if I have no tact here; I'll blame it on the bad influence of being around these dragons - but did you say you died to a Balrog?" I asked, intrigued despite myself and promptly ignoring the other two's protests.

Glorfindel shook his head. "It is in the past - it holds no pain for me now since I have been reborn. However, yes, I did," and here he grimaced. "My hair had fallen loose in the midst of battle, and just as I had thrust my sword into the Balrog, it managed somehow to find my hair in its talons and with its last strength threw me all the way across the field and into one of the mountains," he sighed. "Ecthelion drowned when one of the cold drakes that he managed to kill dragged him into a glacier at the last moment," he added, and I exchanged incredulous glances with Esgalnoron. History finds every way to keep things as consistent as it can, doesn't it.

I leaned back in my chair thoughtfully. "I see," I murmured, and then sighed and looked down at the Mithril ring that glinted on my finger as the others turned back to stories of freak incidents in battle. My eyes closed, but the ring still burned under my eyelids.

 _Ata... My love... My children... I'm coming home..._


	6. Kings, Queens, and Princes

_Here's the next update. Not much to say, as I'm burnt out with test week, so without much further ado, go ahead please! Thanks for the reviews!_

 _Curious 2.0 (Guest): I am sorry you took my answer the wrong way. I was merely trying to answer your question. I should have added more, and I understand how you misunderstood my answer for being rude: I might have too. I'm sorry and I apologize; however, quitting reading a story you were enjoying just to spite me as an author is frankly childish. You are not obligated to read my writings and I'm sorry if I ruined your day with a simple miscommunication. All the best to you, and thank you for your well-wishes despite your pique. I wish you all blessings as well!_

 _Please guys,_

 _Read!_

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* * *

Chapter 6

I gasped for air. "Esgalnoron - don't forget I'm up here!" I wheezed, and almost immediately let out a shriek as he plunged down to a lower altitude, Kalarion following.

"Sorry, Caladiel, I nearly forgot about that," Esgalnoron sounded spooked.

"S'fine, just make sure you don't forget me _too_ ofte- AHHHHHH!" I was cut off as Kalarion suddenly swooped overhead and gently lifted me in his talons, tossing me up to land on his back. My fingers scrabbled for a hold on the edges of his scales, and tears were whipped onto my cheeks from the wind. But I whooped in exhilaration. The feeling of soaring high and free was one that I had once been used to, but forgotten in mundane life on earth. There was no feeling like it, nor being able to look down and see rivers and mountains like a picture on a game board.

"Oi, watch out there, Kal," Esgalnoron mock-growled, to which said white dragon snorted.

"Please. There is no way this side of Ekkaia that I would allow our Princess to fall," Kal sniffed.

"Stop calling me that, I'm just Caladiel!" I called back over the wind, then peered over his neck. "Isn't that the Golden Woods over there?" I asked near Kalarion's ear, pointing at a mass of what was supposed to be green but seemed tinted with gold.

"Yes," was the brief reply. We had been traveling southeast for a few hours now, so it was to be expected to see the Golden Woods anytime soon. Now we had arrived.

And now I also found my mouth beginning to dry out as I thought about the upcoming reunion. Would my king be angry at me for leaving them no hope for my return? Would he still accept me? I knew he probably would, but nerves never helped anything. And after my previous experiences, I was not at the same mental stability as I had been at the beginning. Too much had contributed to my wearing down and deteriorating. I wasn't a helpless wreck, thanks to Esgalnoron and many other things, but to those who had known me before, it was enough to be noticeable. My hands often shook now, and were not as steady as they used to be. I could still do what I needed to when it was required with steady hands, but as soon as the task was over and the adrenaline wore off... I had very much suffered from maltreatment.

"Alright, hold on 'Ladiel, we're landing," Kalarion declared, and I held on to his scales tightly as we began descent in a slow circle, gradually getting tighter. By the time the spiral had ended, we were on the borders of the woods by the river Nimrodel. It sent faint shivers through me, knowing that one day - assuming that I hadn't changed that part of history - the Fellowship would pass by this same river, tired and discouraged.

I found myself suddenly sliding off Kalarion's wing that tipped up at the last moment and sent me high into the air as I yelped. Esgalnoron caught me neatly in his Elven form, grinning down as I clutched his shoulders, panting. "You alright, sister?" he asked, and I glared at him.

"I'd be better if you flighty youngsters would stop tossing me around like a sack of potatoes," I scolded, scrambling down and shaking out my clothes.

"You're not half that heavy or lumpy," Kalarion remarked with a straight face, and Esgalnoron shamelessly snickered.

"Shut up," I demanded, throwing a shoe and managing to whack the white-haired humanoid dragon in the head.

"Where did you get a shoe to throw at me?" Kal asked wryly, picking it up from the ground and rubbing his head while Esgalnoron howled with laughter, rather literally, since he had chosen to become a wolf.

"It's mine, I tried to get a rock out of it. Now if you please, I could go barefoot but I'd rather not," I replied smartly, and caught it as he tossed it back. Esgalnoron scooped me up on his back, and I gave him a suspicious look. "You seem to enjoy picking me up lately..." I noted.

"Why not, I'm your brother after all," he replied curtly, and began walking as Kalarion led the way confidently. All dragons always walked with a swagger. It was almost amusing. I sighed but let it go. It was like he thought me fragile, I thought sourly. It's all good and well to be protective but hey, overprotection isn't fun.

~Not overprotection, just giving you a break.~ He defended himself.

~Sure Esgalnoron, suuuure.~

He huffed. I ignored him and turned to Kal. "So lemme guess, we'll be met by a patrol who will have been told to expect us sometime around now, yeah?" I called in a bored tone, and Kalarion glanced back with an amused smirk on his lips.

"No, we're going to avoid them because we can, and foil the Lady's mysterious aura," was his answer, and I grinned.

"I like the way you roll, Kal," I said, and he snorted, slipping into the trees. Esgalnoron shrank so I could stick him in my pocket before melting into the trees myself. My white hair and dress would blend in with the silver trunks somewhat, and my grey cloak serve to meld with the shadows.

We managed to slip past several small patrols, while I kept an eye out for a certain silver-haired elf I was interested in meeting for fandom's sake. It was when we were finally past the fourth patrol that I felt a brush to my mind. Carefully and swiftly shielding myself, I cracked my mind open enough for conversation.

~Lady of the Golden Wood.~ I greeted bluntly, a wave of respect following the thoughts as I took initiative of the conversation. I respected the lady, but had no intent to get mixed up in her whole 'mysterious enchantress' thing. I prefer to control this meeting.

~Caladiel of the Faithful. You have come to us unexpected and unlooked for, though by no means unwelcome.~ Was the wary but polite return.

~I have come to Lóthlorien to greet the one I call king. I must move on from here.~ I replied, letting her know my intent immediately. I sensed that she was relieved.

~You are welcome in the Golden Woods. My brother will be happy to receive you.~

I smirked faintly. ~If you will indulge my whim, Lady Artanis, I request that my presence be a surprise to him. I think I deserve a little right to some drama, after he subjected me to so much of it.~ The amusement in my thought was clear, and I felt her become amused as well.

~It shall be done. Come to the center talan of the city when you arrive in Caras Galadhon.~ She replied, then retreated respectfully as I did the same.

We finally arrived at the small bluff overlooking the center of the Woods, and we all paused, Esgalnoron's snout peeking out of my pocket to look as well. "This is indescribable," I finally murmured. Kalarion seemed to drink in the peace almost palpably.

"It is peaceful," he finally said, and we headed on. The radiance that the city itself seemed to give off was unlike anything I had ever seen before. It was incredible in its light and life. The entire city seemed to be surrounded by a bubble of calm and untouchable peace. It was the closest thing to Melian's Girdle I had ever come across.

By the time we entered the city, I was feeling almost boneless with relief and the easing of the pressure that was always on my mind. I could see why time would become a relative or nonexistent thing here. With a deep breath, I covered my head with my hood to conceal myself from the gazes of elves passing amidst the trees under the talans, all the while exchanging plans with Esgalnoron for our dramatic entry. I just couldn't help myself. The mischief would not be quelled. Plus, I was wild with joy at the fact that he had finally married Amarië, his long-awaited love.

When we finally reached the center talan, Kalarion turned and handed me the papers for the renewal of the treaty. I gazed at him, and he met my searching gaze with equanimity. "You are the rightful representative of the Haven of Faith," he said calmly with conviction. I reached out, but paused when I touched his fingers, not breaking the gaze.

"I am one of you. Not above. Not a leader. I am a servant," I replied softly, and he inclined his head.

"Aren't we all?" was the answer, said with faint humor. I smiled in agreement before taking the papers. We climbed the many stairs without much trouble and finally arrived at the top, where we paused for a moment before the stairway that led into the talan. I remembered that the Fellowship would do the same, and felt a slight shiver go up my spine again. A faint glow began to appear at the stairs, and I stood at attention, though my hood was still up. Peering from under my hood, I saw two couples slowly approaching, hand in hand.

Galadriel almost immediately had my attention. In aura, she honestly outdid them all. The power that lingered around her almost literally took my breath away, and as though sensing the affect it had on me, the power receded somewhat. The Flame within me flared, sending its tendrils through me more strongly than it ever had before, besides the time I had released it. I glanced down at my hands, overwhelmed, and realized that my white skin had taken on a faint blue glow as power acknowledged power. The Flame pushed against the boundaries of my body that held it, and made me feel like a bulging plastic bag filled with water, or a balloon full of helium.

The Elleth herself was nothing to wink at. Her skin was pale and fair, her hair radiant with gold and silver like all the Mallorn trees combined, and her blue eyes captivating and deep, filled with stars. The elf next to her, Celeborn, was silver haired, and though utterly overshadowed by his wife, I felt instinctively that he was just as much a ruler as she was. There was no uneven balance of rule between them. He was wise and puissant, but chose to remain the puppeteer behind the stage.

Then my eyes fell on Finrod, and I swallowed. His golden hair was as bright as ever, and his blue eyes held wisdom, kindness, and sorrow like they always had, though the sorrow was now greater for his experiences since I had left. He held Amarië's hand gently and tenderly, and the love between them was obvious. She was a beauty unmatched as well; in no way did Galadriel's beauty detract from hers even if Galadriel's power did. Amarië had pale hair as well, though more of a softer gold than Finrod, and her blue eyes were a softer, more gentle blue then the others' hard ones. She was still innocent, I realized, very innocent to the horrors this world could contain. There was a different sort of wisdom in her gaze that captured me nonetheless, and I had a flash of insight that many underestimated her and were proved wrong later. Her innocence pertained only to war - intrigue was not beyond her, nor the horror of politics and motive.

I bowed low, as did Kalarion, as they arrived at the bottom step. "Welcome, emissaries of Haven of Faith. We welcome you here with all joy," Galadriel stated, and her voice seemed to echo through the very trees.

"We trust that your journey was safe and not too difficult," Amarië spoke, and I savored the sound of her voice. It was exactly as I had imagined: demure but confident and soft.

We rose, and Kalarion spoke. "I had planned to come alone, lords, ladies, but in my travels I met two who were more fit to represent the Faithful than I," he nodded to me and took a step back, leaving it to me.

I pitched my voice a bit low so that Finrod would have a hard time recognizing it. "Thank you for your welcome, lords, ladies, and apologies for my unprecedented presence. However, I come to present to you on behalf of my people a renewal of the truce and goodwill between us," so saying, I reached into my pocket and pulled something out, presenting it with one outstretched hand to Galadriel. Esgalnoron was perched on my hand, the papers held carefully in his jaws.

Finrod stiffened visibly, eyes riveted on Esgalnoron. "I know only one dragon that looks like that one and can shrink at will," his tone was mingled hopeful and disbelieving, struggling and incredulous, sorrowed and pleading. Galadriel took the papers, and Esgalnoron shifted to Phoenix form and perched on my shoulder before pecking at my hood and making it fall away from my head. Finrod's eyes widened. Esgalnoron, having done the 'damage,' flew to perch on Kalarion's shoulder.

A Bunsen-burner blue sheen covered my entire frame in a flickering glow as I gently outstretched my hand to him. "My King," I whispered gently. "Wilt thou not accept thy wayward vassal once more?" I queried pleadingly. "Canst thou accept my apologies for leaving?"

For a moment he seemed disbelieving. Galadriel was hiding a smile, while Celeborn looked at me with interest and Amarië looked confused and wondering. Then he stepped forwards, touching my hand gently. Then without further comment, he dragged me into a hug, beginning to laugh through his tears. "Oh Caladiel, I did not ever hope to see you again, dear one!" he cried, and I laughed with him before pulling back.

"You will forgive me, my king, for being unnecessarily dramatic, but my childish side could not resist the impulse to startle its elders," I laughed gaily.

"My dear child, how did you ever come here? Were you reborn?" Finrod asked eagerly, bending to kiss my brow fondly and study me head to foot like a proud parent.

"Nay, my lord; I was not dead at all, but merely sent elsewhere to find my mother once more and rest before another task was appointed to me," I answered, then shook my head. "But enough of me, you will not believe my surprise when I woke up to suddenly find myself in the Third Age and learn of history while I was away and resting. And to hear that you had finally wed my Queen Amarië - dear Eru, how I feel old!" I cried, bowing low to said elleth, who seemed to suddenly understand who I was and was smiling upon me with mingled wonder and benevolence. Finrod beamed with equal parts of joy and fondness on his wife.

"Yes, we are happily wed, and have one son," he added proudly, and I actually stepped back, a hand over my heart.

"No," I gasped. "This cannot be - and here I am without one gift or platitude to give you," I said in mock-horror, to which he merely laughed derisively.

"You deserve children of your own," he replied, glancing at my ring. I refused to let it bother me and merely smiled on Amarië.

"You are a beautiful queen, my lady, and have my respect," I told her solemnly. "Wisdom of a different sort than that possessed by natives of Arda shines in your eyes, and the light of the two trees gathers in them like a perfect veil of modesty," I said with honest and blatant admiration, and Amarië blushed, looking down.

"You are kind, Caladiel," she replied shyly, while Finrod looked both amused and pleased.

"You are a flatterer of the best kind," he teased, and I stuck out my tongue at him, to everyone else's clear shock.

"I flatter no one, not even you, and you know it, Finrod," I huffed indignantly, and he chuckled.

"And I know it, dearest. Come now, Esgalnoron, Kalarion, come in and tell us all," he urged, and we re-entered the talan and sat down to answer a flood of questions. We basically had to repeat the scenario with Elrond to explain things, and by the end, Finrod was shaking his head as he leaned back in his chair.

"And so you will be required to suffer more trouble and sorrow," he remarked in slight anger, to which I gave him a sharp look.

"I know you care about me, Finrod, but kindly respect the fact that I am willingly doing this," I said sharply, and he inclined his head in acknowledgment, suitably abashed. Galadriel looked as though she approved of my form of respect - giving him deference but not allowing him to walk over me.

"Besides, at least now we don't have to stay in the serpent's nest!" Esgalnoron remarked happily, reclining in his chair with a cluster of grapes.

"Thankfully," I agreed, giving him an amused smile.

"And you will get to come home," Kalarion remarked, sounding relieved.

"Poor Kal, having to be an ambassador when he has no skill," I sighed melodramatically, which garnered laughter.

"Yet he was the most honest one we have ever had the pleasure to meet," Celeborn said mildly, a small smile hovering on the corners of his mouth. Kalarion waved off the praise airily.

"At least I'm not incompetent like that idiot Glaurthag," he snorted.

"Hush child, you have no right to talk," I scolded, at which he subsided rebelliously.

Finrod suddenly sat up. "Ah. Caladiel, meet my son," he said, and stood to turn and face a doorway, from which issued the noise of pattering feet. A moment later, a little elf had run across the room and thrown himself into Finrod's arms.

"Ata, Ata!" he cried in unalloyed joy, and I uncertainly reached for my throat. I was so unsure around children; the meetings with Eärendil as a child rose prominently in my mind as I swallowed. And this child was no less beautiful. He had his mother's soft eyes but his father's brilliant hair, and his entire demeanor was that of controlled passion. He had such potential to go far.

Finrod laughed and kissed his son, then smoothed the golden hair away from the small white brow. "Findalaurë, come and meet your sister, Caladiel," he said warmly, and the boy looked at me.

I bowed, almost unaware that I had stood. "My prince," I said softly. Findalaurë squirmed out of his father's arms and slowly walked over to me. I knelt on the ground, almost not daring to look him in the face. He was just so... so _beautiful._ Like Eärendil was. Perhaps it was again my bias speaking but...

"Ata told me about you," he said curiously. "He said you saved him."

I flushed and looked into his face. "Falsities," I said nonchalantly. "I helped him, yes, but you should never believe all your father says concerning me - he tends to exaggerate," I said gravely. After another moment, Findalaurë broke into a grin and threw his arms around my neck. I froze, with an expression that made Esgalnoron snicker, before slowly hugging him back.

"I'm glad you've come, onónë," he said contentedly, kissing my cheek with frank affection. His openness was almost dizzying. "Ata said that if you ever came back that you'd be sure to come see me," he said matter of factly. Then he pulled back and looked into my face gravely. "Will you promise to visit, even if you go away again?" he asked solemnly, clapping his hands to my cheeks.

I touched his hand on my face gently. "Little brother mine, I love you more than you know. I will always visit, as often as I can spare," I replied honestly, and he stared at me for a minute longer before nodding.

"That's good then! Up!" he suddenly demanded in his childishly prince-like manner, leaving me no choice but to lift him up and prop him up on my hip.

"You have me successfully enslaved to your whims, dear Prince," I said in amusement. "However, I hope I do not disappoint your royal highness when I admit ashamedly that I may not be able to hold you while standing for too long," I admitted ruefully, and Findalaurë frowned.

"Your hands do shake so. I did not think I was that heavy," he remarked, and sent a ripple of laughter through the room.

"It is not you, Findalaurë, but rather my own hands that are the problem," I replied gently. "They are not as steady as they once were," I sighed wearily.

Findalaurë frowned. "But you are an elf - you do not age," he said uncomprehendingly.

I shifted him on my hip, sensing uncomfortably that the rest were listening sharply. "Dear Prince of my heart, even elves suffer from scars of both body and mind and soul; not every sign of hurt and injury may go unnoticed or unfelt," I answered patiently. "Due to old wounds, my hands have lost the steadiness they used to have."

"I see," Findalaurë replied thoughtfully. "You mean like when I get frightened or startled and shiver all over. But those go away. Won't yours go away too?" he asked, and I sat down, settling him in my lap and avoiding the piercing gaze of Finrod.

"Nay, dear one; I'm afraid not. The fear that was instilled in me runs too deep - has gone on too long and still works even now," I said softly, gently combing his hair with my fingers. "Fear is a powerful enemy, and may make even the strongest flee before the smallest of enemies."

Findalaurë seemed to be pondering that with all the brightness of his passionate nature, which I sensed came from both his parents. Finrod frowned and took my hand in his, which imperceptibly increased in their trembling at his touch.

"My lord -"

"Hush," he commanded sharply, and let go of my hand, watching it. The trembling slowed. He picked it back up, and it increased.

"It is not fear of you, Finrod," I finally said quietly. "It is physical memory I cannot erase."

Finrod seemed to struggle with his temper for a moment before sinking into the chair next to his wife in silent defeat. Silence settled for a moment before I sighed.

"I'm afraid I have business to take care of, and must leave tomorrow," I said regretfully.

"Oh, must you? You just arrived!" Findalaurë cried, and I ventured to kiss his cheek fleetingly.

"Thank you, Prince, but I'm afraid I must. Besides, I have other family waiting to see me as well - surely you would not selfishly hoard me from them?" I asked in amusement, to which he immediately subsided, shaking his head.

"Then come and find rest," Galadriel said, standing, and led the three of us to a pair of rooms. The two males would bunk together while I had my own room.

We thanked her, and taking our leave until dinner, retired to rest.

 ** __Break_Dragon_Esgalnoron_Break__**

I stood by the base of a Mallorn tree overlooking a small clearing. My white dress made me look diminished in the glamor of the silver trunks, and I closed my eyes and attempted to empty my mind of everything. I'm not sure how long I was there, just standing. It could have been minutes, or an entire hour. Time had ceased to be important here. It made me feel as close to _immortal_ as I could.

"You know what offer lies before you," a voice spoke behind me, authoritative but quiet.

I didn't even turn, taking in a deep breath and turning my face to the golden canopy above, eyes shut. "I think, my lady, you know my answer," I replied just as quietly, though faint and tantalizing images of water in a silver bowl floated through my mind.

There was a pause. "Does it not interest you?"

I turned my profile to her. "Some say ignorance is bliss. Some say that knowledge is life. Both are wrong, and both are right. Separate, they are wrong: simple sticks that crack under the weight of reality's foot. Together, they are a bundle of sticks that cannot be broken. I have knowledge beyond what even you would ask. I must now balance that. Possible futures are not the same as proven history," I answered slowly. There was, after all, only several on Middle Earth who knew where I really came from.

"Your decision is one I have foreseen," Galadriel finally said, and I finally turned to face her fully. Her deep blue eyes met my own pale blue ones unflinchingly, earning my quiet respect.

"You foresee many things. You have seen through the guise of many. During the Second Age, you were the few who mistrusted my old master," I stated. "Can you pierce this disguise, layered with time and forces from outside this world?" I asked, motioning to myself. Her eyes sharpened, and the power play that suddenly flared to life crackled almost audibly between us as her mind strove to pierce the barriers over mine.

"I see glimpses," she finally answered softly, and the atmosphere lost some of its edge. "I see a plane of reality other than our own. I see love lost and found," she stepped forwards, and compassion leaked into her tone. "I see such confusion and pain, and a choice forced upon you," she placed her hand gently on mine, and I looked down to see Nenya looking up at me from a band of Mithril. It was as a star shining on her finger.

I looked back up at her. "You are the few to see, even if it be but a little," I finally whispered. "Not even _he_ could see so much of me," I placed my hand over hers. "You are not the only one to see. In life, some are born into greatness. For others, it is to be attained by struggle. And for a few, it is foisted upon them, and they stand tall under the weight though their hearts crumble within them. You were born into greatness - for me, I never wanted it. You were made for this, trained for this, molded to be who you were; you adapted because you knew how. What about those who burn brightly in history as figures risen from ashes into positions they never wanted?" I let the pain of the past seep into my voice. "What of those who did not know anything of how to handle the greatness? We must bend and break because we were not exercised to bend that far; but we break willingly because if we do not, there will be someone else shoved into our positions - something that we would not wish on anyone," and the trembling of my hands increased as she gently took both of them into her own slender ones.

"Your pain and fear runs deep," she said softly. "Will you not stay here, for love of my brother and your own healing?" she asked, and the smile she gave me, though small, was maternal.

I turned my head away with a bitter laugh. "What is with your family and trying to convince me to stay when I _can't_? Oh how you tempt me nearly beyond what I can bear, line of Arafinwë!" I cried, and gently detached my hands from hers. "Your generosity is unparalleled, my lady, but inopportune," I bowed, and she sighed.

"Come. It is time for the evening meal," was her only answer, and guided me to the dining hall. However, there was a new degree of understanding between us, and a new plane of mutual respect. She was wise in ways I was not, and I was wise in ways she would never know.

My happiness was great, though my inner peace shattered by the sight of Finrod's half-pleading, half-wistful eyes that continually looked upon me with parental pride. On the other hand:

Esgalnoron looked down at his bowl of rich soup wistfully. "Ladiel?"

"What?" I replied, trying to balance Findalaurë and a spoon at the same time.

"I miss my Ramyun," he mourned.

I promptly choked on my soup. _"Idiot."_


	7. Many Meetings and Missed Matrimony

_One word. Mid-terms. That's my excuse for being late. Also, I won't be able to update for about a week or so due to said exams unless something miraculous happens. Nevertheless, I present you with this one - and I have the feeling that most of you were looking forwards to this... Thank you as always to my dear readers and my reviewers. I appreciate every single one of you more than you know._

 _Please,_

 _Read!_

 _Enjoy!_

 _Review!_

* * *

"You promise to return?" Findalaurë was most unhappy that I was leaving. His instant like of me had been easily explained by the fact that he was one of the very few children in Lóthlorien, and also the youngest. He received much respect and love by the populace of Lóthlorien, but not attention like I had given him: that of a little brother and yet nanny. It was a strange mixture of my love for Maeglin and Esgalnoron.

"I promise, dear Prince," I answered with a slightly strained smile. Darn this family and their incessant begging. "I shall never forget you; will my little master promise to never forget his most ardent admirer?" I asked half-jestingly, and received a kiss in reply.

"Never," was the solemn proclamation, and Esgalnoron grinned at me.

"Never, dearest," he teased, and I not-so-subtly whacked him over the head.

"Behave. You get more and more irreverent every day," I replied with a straight face, before turning to Finrod and Amarië with a bow. "My king, my queen - though I may not serve you personally, I serve you along with all other free peoples. Think not harshly of me; always remember your poor Caladiel who loves you and the thought of you," I said in all seriousness, though I did add a slightly comical twist with my melodramatic wording. They smiled at me, and Amarië handed me a cloak pin of a green leaf.

"Not idly will the leaves of Lóthlorien desert their bearers, and will also bring you help as a token," she said graciously, and I bowed to all four royals.

"I shall wear it with honor," I replied, and one was gifted to Esgalnoron as well. "Though, your greatest gift will be presented to my Ada," I said with a smile, nodding to the signed treaty papers that were safely tucked into my cloak.

"May you go in peace, and the Valar guide you," Finrod said, while Galadriel raised her hand to allow Nenya to twinkle knowingly. My eyes seemed to burn white-hot for a moment in reply before subsiding as I blinked tears of blindness away.

Climbing onto Kalarion's back, I waved as we took off. Esgalnoron was in my pocket, since we had agreed with Kalarion that it was better not to rouse suspicion or ruin the surprise too early by allowing Esgalnoron to come in his dragon form. As for personal preparations - I had paid careful attention to my clothing the night before.

My clothes were modified slightly to fit the Haven of Faith and my alliance to it, though the basic pattern was similar to what I had worn in Angband. The tunic was a burgundy color that wouldn't stain or show up too brightly, with the symbol of a blazing eye on it that I could not leave out. The leggings were a mottled grey color, plain and unassuming, meant to blend in with the shadows. The cloak was black, but on the projection of the hood where it came over my face, there was an emblem of a rearing wolf wreathed in pale blue flame, as sketched by Kalarion. The green leaf now acted as the pin holding the cloak on my shoulders.

Closing my eyes, I begged the Flame within me for strength. The pulsing that had tangibly filled me in Lóthlorien had ceased once outside its borders, and the only indication it was still there was the spot of heat in the center of my chest that comforted me beyond measure. What would I do when I came face to face with my loved ones? With Ada? With Maeglin? With _him_?

The trip was supposed to be several hours. It suddenly seemed too short. My chest gave a convulsive spasm of pain and panic as I realized that the time was actually _that soon._ Reality was slapping me rudely in the face, and I hadn't the strength to tell it to shut up. Thankfully, I wasn't the only one aware of that.

~Caladiel, stop. Before I decide to throw you off a few hundred feet to clear your head.~ Esgalnoron growled.

I sucked in breaths, trying vainly to stem the shaking of my hands and my fluttering heart. "I'm fine, just a panic attack, it'll pass." I choked, pounding my chest. Kalarion grunted but said nothing, while Esgalnoron turned into his Elven form behind me and pulled me into his arms, rubbing my arms gently.

"Calm down, Ladiel. You'll be fine. As soon as you see them, you'll know what to do," he said soothingly, while I gritted my teeth against the waves of fear. Gradually the anxiety abated, though agonizingly slowly, and I leaned back with an exhausted sigh.

"Thank you," I whispered, and he hummed. "I couldn't do this without you," I groaned.

"Hush. We're going home. Just rest," he commanded, and reassured, I allowed myself to fall asleep - though not before I heard a conversation.

"She's not the same."

"No Kal, she's not."

"Selfishly, I think we'll all be glad to have her back no matter in what condition."

"Selfishly, we all are, even me. Her certainty always reassured us."

"Indeed. Does she have any idea about what we need to do?"

"I do not know; but whatever it is, we will know before the end. We trust her, and Eru."

 ** __Break_Dragon_Esgalnoron_Break__**

"I look to the hills, from whence cometh my strength," I murmured, looking down at Carn Dûm. There was a dark-colored fortress at the base of the mountain, and I looked at it with interest.

"Why does it look like it was built by Morgoth?" I queried inquisitively.

"It was originally built by the Witch King of Angmar, greatest of the Nine Wraiths," Kalarion answered. "We took it over and changed it into a Haven of Faith."

I nodded. "Poetic justice," I replied, while Esgalnoron grunted in agreement. Kalarion glided to a neat and smooth halt before the gates, while I slid down to the ground behind the cover of his wing, Esgalnoron a dragon in my pocket. A figure strode towards Kalarion, who kept us hidden behind his bulk.

"Kalarion. Did you meet with success?" a familiar voice asked calmly. My heart leaped into my throat.

"I did. I also met with someone you might want to see," he answered bluntly, and lifted his wing as he shuffled away. My hood was up, though I knew that wouldn't fool him for long. For one moment, dead silence. Then I pushed my hood back as Esgalnoron skulked after Kalarion.

"Ada?" I whispered hesitantly. Sauron seemed to be frozen, staring at me with an indecipherable expression. Then I saw his eyes flash as something in him just crumpled. Deeply rooted sorrow, well hidden; pain; suffering; relief; longing; love. I threw myself forwards, physically unable to hold myself back anymore. I hit his chest and immediately buried my face into it, scalding hot tears falling onto his red tunic.

"Ada, Ada!" I cried, clutching him tightly. Arms so hot I thought I might actually shriek from the shock of it wrapped around me tightly, and the familiar scalding feeling ricocheted through my very bones. I could have screamed aloud at the pleasurable pain of it.

A moment later, iron gently poked my skin as they tipped my face up to look into golden eyes and pale skin framed by fiery hair that seemed to glow on its own. I suddenly noticed that a piece of white hair was tied around his wrist, and broke. Tears flowed down my cheeks, though no sound escaped my lips. Despite my blurred vision, the obsession that filled the honey eyes did not escape me. There was no longer any tinge of wickedness in it that had been there at the beginning, but the obsession was there nonetheless - and I loved it. Lips pressed against my temple and seared obsession and relief and love into my skin.

"My princess," he murmured, and I kissed his cheek lingeringly.

"How I missed you, Ada," I whispered back, and he hummed.

"He is waiting for you," he murmured in my ear, and I pulled back slightly, color flaring in my pale cheeks.

"I know," I mumbled, then touched his wrist. He looked at me, then nodded. I broke the hair tied around it and threw it away, then plucked several strands from my head and tied them anew onto his wrist. He did the same with me, though his hands lingered on mine.

"You too," he mumbled, and I realized that his hands trembled ever-so-slightly as well. I looked at him, and he at me, and we knew. Just knew. Then he tucked my arm into his, and began to lead me towards the fortress as I wiped away the remnants of tears on my face.

"Do you still do forge work?" I asked eagerly, and he chuckled.

"Yes, little one, I do," he replied contentedly. "I will enjoy your presence in the forge once more. Maeglin works side by side with me as well," he added nonchalantly, and I beamed.

"I cannot believe he and Thurwething married," I bubbled, and he snorted.

"Such a match you cannot imagine," he shook his head. "They are opposites. Where he is passionate, she cares not, and where she flares with anger, he is unconcerned."

"Well opposites attract dear Ada," I informed him with the typical female interest in such topics that I could not entirely rid myself of. He raised an eyebrow.

"Like you and that cursed dragon?" he drawled, though there was no venom in his tone.

"Males and their insufferable testosterone!" I exclaimed in disgust, ignoring the question.

"Speaking of which, I will show you to Maeglin and Thurwething before showing you to him," he declared, while I looked about the fortress to memorize it. There were myriads of hallways and stairways and corridors and passageways that made my head reel. Angband had been just as complicated, sure, but a few years of disuse will make the cobwebs appear. He led me down a stairway, and into a large room that was obviously the forge. A large furnace was set in the stone wall to the left, while bellows, anvils, barrels, and other many various tools were spread about the rook in an orderly fashion.

Sauron let go of my arm as he walked casually towards the other end of the room, leaving me to face the back of the dark-haired ellon speaking with a vampire.

Thurwething's red eyes immediately riveted on me, her eyes widening. Maeglin paused, a vibrating fireball on his shoulder, then turned to look at what had captivated his wife. I smiled tremulously, holding out one hand to them in mute appeal. They both froze. Maeglin's face was filled with disbelief, hurt, and desperate hope.

"My son. My daughter," I whispered softly, knowing they would hear nonetheless. Faelon let out the loudest squeak I'd ever heard from him, and in the next moment I found myself in Maeglin's arms. I laughed tearfully.

"Nana!" Maeglin pulled away to look at me with fear in his eyes along with relief and joy. Fear that I would disappear.

I placed a hand on his cheek gently. "I am here, dearest," I murmured tenderly. "You do not know how I have missed you, Maeglin," I said, and he pulled me back into a hug.

"Oh Nana," was all he could choke, shaking as he held me tightly.

I patted his arm. "I love you too, son, now let me greet your wife," I replied teasingly, and he pulled back sheepishly, though looking surprised. I grinned. "Oh, I know," I winked.

Thurwething approached me shyly, and I hugged her tightly. "Oh Thurwething," I faltered. "I worried and prayed for you so much," I managed.

"Thank you," her whisper made me almost start. Her voice, once hard and unfeeling, had mellowed. It was still cool and chillingly low, but softer and more filled with emotion than I had ever heard it. It made her sound like a warrior, determined but humane. "Thank you."

I pulled back to smile at her brightly. "Take good care of this wayward son of mine, daughter," I answered gaily. "He needs looking after."

She smiled then, and it softened her face to make it almost look radiant. "I have, and I will," she replied simply, and I laughed, drawing them both in for another hug.

"Oh I have missed you! But now then - oh Faelon!" I burst into fresh laughter as I hugged and cuddled and squeezed that fireball almost to death as he squeaked loudly. "Yes of course I missed you too, you little mischief. Have you taken good care of Maeglin?" I cooed, and he bobbed in affirmation.

"I'm not a child," Maeglin grumbled.

"He's such a sweet baby isn't he?" I asked Faelon blissfully, to which Thurwething smirked and Faelon squeaked in agreement. A Phoenix flew in the door just then, to land and morph into an elf, leaving Faelon and the other two to greet him. I suddenly caught a glimpse of something else on the other side of the room, and began to make my way there.

The others didn't try to detain me, knowing that I had others to meet and greet. Esgalnoron suggested gathering everyone out in the courtyard, but his voice faded away as I stepped into a hallway that led to a stairway. I ascended the winding stairs, noticing other doors to exit at different levels of the tower. Narrow windows sent beams of dust-ridden light into the stairwell at intervals, but I continued to the very top.

At the top, I finally paused, sucking in a breath. I found myself in what was clearly an apartment. There were adjoining rooms to the one I found myself standing in, though it was notably rather bare. There was a sudden sound of something dropping, and I whirled to see a figure standing in a doorway, staring at me. My heart stopped.

Hair the shade of midnight, sheet white skin, and swirling, captivating rubies. I somehow found myself standing right in front of him, and saw that he was visibly shaking, staring down at me with ashen cheeks. Emotion overwhelmed me. I had missed him, so, so much. More than I had ever realized. I loved him so much.

I reached up with my hands, and drew his lips to mine, pressing myself against him closely. He gasped sharply into my mouth, then a moment later let out a broken groan and clasped me to him tightly. He kissed me hard, fierce, letting me feel everything. He had missed me too. He had been oh, so happy and yet afraid when he heard I was alive and returning. Afraid that I wouldn't love him anymore. Afraid I'd avoid him, reject him. And the thought _hurt_ him, tore him apart, because he still loved me so much.

I almost didn't realize I was crying until his lips left mine and I tasted salt. "Ancalagon."

He didn't even bother answering verbally. He just buried his hand into my hair and kissed me, moaning my name brokenly. His heat bled into me slowly, so unlike the scorch of Sauron's hands. His was comforting warmth, a welcome blaze in a winter evening. An ache in my heart ceased.

I pulled myself away. "Ancalagon," I breathed, caressing his face in my palms. "I missed you so much - I love you so much," I whispered, feeling his breath waft against my mouth.

"Caladiel," he said it like he was afraid I might disappear.

"I'm here," I murmured.

"Caladiel," and he stroked my cheek. "My love, my light."

"I'm here," I repeated, crying softly.

"I love you," he whispered, like he'd never said it before. Like he'd never stop saying it.

I smiled. "I know," I replied, and kissed him gently.

He suddenly broke the kiss and placed my hand on his chest. "I still have it," he murmured. I pulled a chain from under his tunic and smiled. It was a Mithril arrow pendant.

"And I have mine," I answered, and let him see the ring. He took in a shaking breath.

"You'll stay?" he asked quietly. I looked into his ruby eyes.

"With you? Always," I answered.

"I'm so afraid you'll leave again," he admitted, placing his forehead against mine.

"Ancalagon, I won't leave," I said tenderly. "I was promised this time I'm here for good," I reassured, and he took my lips desperately, trying to believe it. I tried not to cry. I had hurt him so when I left. I never want to cause him that pain again.

He sighed into my mouth. "Good."

And there was nothing more to be said. We both knew what was in the other's heart.

 _Please, Atar. Please, let me stay with him forever. I love him more than I thought I ever could. I thought I didn't have anything left to give. He showed me better. If I have ever done anything to please You, just let me stay with him..._

 _ **_Break_Dragon_Esgalnoron_Break_**_

"I wish I had a camera," I confided to Esgalnoron, who laughed in delight at the thought.

"It would never work," he teased, and I grinned at him.

"I know," I replied with a laugh. Everyone was gathered together in the front courtyard of the Fortress, which we learned had been named "the Wereplain" because of Braigon's affinity to running in it. Our amusement at the idea of a camera was, however, because of the fact that even on earth whenever we tried to take a picture of Esgalnoron and I, Esgalnoron never appeared in them, making me look like a fool for clutching thin air. Perhaps it was his utter disconnection from Earth: we didn't know. Nonetheless, the idea of taking a picture of what would turn out to be an empty plain was amusing.

And speaking of the werewolf, I approached him to give my greetings. Ancalagon and I had come down to the plain after our initial reunion, where we had been received with all joy. All of the dragons were there: Glaurthag, Jura, Elboron, and Amlugial; Braigon, the lone werewolf; and the Balrogs, Norgaladir, Rushirithir, and Phanairushir. Braigon looked to me and his tongue lolled.

"You never did ride me," he said by way of greeting, and I laughed.

"I spared your back," I replied jestingly, and he barked with amusement.

"I wouldn't mind if you didn't once in a while," he answered, and I bowed.

"Most gracious werewolf, I thank thee," I replied humorously, and he snorted.

"I missssed your rule. You weren't assss picky about paperssss," Norgaladir came up, and I turned to him cheerfully.

"Oh well, at least you've gotten better at it, though you always did have problems keeping them in your hands as a shadow," I remembered, while he hissed in agreement.

"Whatever happened to Nirad and his brood?" I queried, and Norgaladir sauntered away as a humanoid Jura with pale green hair and matching eyes answered me.

"They were defeated with vengeance by a few that I don't need to name for you to know," he replied cooly, arms crossed.

"Ah. And Cosmoco?" I went on to ask.

"He was defeated by combined efforts of Ecthelion and Glaurthag," Jura shrugged. I nodded thoughtfully.

"I see," I answered softly. "There are many I remember who are now gone..."

"You should be glad of it," Sauron said sharply as he came up, and I turned to him with an easy smile.

"I never rejoice over the loss of life. That the foes are vanquished is all good and well, but all life is sacred. They all came from Eru and the Flame in the beginning, after all," I replied, and patted his arm with the papers. "Norgaladir reminded me that I had yet to give you these," I added, and he took them with a curt nod.

"I'll put them in your room," he said, causing me to frown.

"Whatever for?" I asked, and he looked at me as though I were stupid.

"You are our Princess, Caladiel. You're the highest-"

"No," I glared at him, then raised my voice so it would reach everyone. "Can I have attention, please!" I yelled, and almost immediately everyone looked at me. I stepped up on a rock. "I suppose this is the moment I'm supposed to give a really inspiring speech and drop the big news and whatever else, but I'm not exactly an advocate of drama since after all I'm the first to tire of it," I began dryly, and was met with laughter from the rest.

"Firstly, though, I do want to thank you all. You do not know how overjoyed I am, or how much my heart is about to burst at the fact that _I am actually here with you all,_ my **family**!" I pressed a hand to my heart, then touched my forehead, touched my lips, and raised a fist in the air. They all reciprocated the gesture, that of honor and respect among us, as well as to identify the Faithful.

"Secondly," I went on, "I want to thank you for continuing in the ways of Eru. It has touched my heart to hear of history that I missed and hear the name of the Faithful and their deeds in the name of Eru on the lips of all those I ask. Many grave errors have slipped into the accounts of me-" I had to raise a hand to quell the protestations - "many grave errors," I repeated sternly, "but those about the rest of you I will refuse to not believe. You are all my family, and my pride rests on my family, not myself. I act for my family, fight for my family."

Taking in a deep breath, I began the more serious part. "Now that I have come back, I find you all in a strict order and equality, with several leaders for their area of expertise and working together to accomplish Eru's will. This, I have greatest pride in; that you have not allowed yourselves to fall prey to bickering so much that it has driven you apart, or distracted you too long from the main goal," I said firmly, eyeing them all one by one. "But now that I _am_ back, I find that you all are looking to me for leadership. This, I decline."

A roar started that I could not quell for a few moments, before Esgalnoron finally let out a bellowing roar that made everyone settle. I shook my head. "Family, _I am one of you._ I will accept a role among you as your equal, but I will not shoulder all of the burdens of this group. I must concentrate on other things as well, and I cannot do all at once. I did that once, during the War of Wrath, and I have not recovered and will never fully recover. Selfishly, I will not and cannot bear that again. I will do whatever you appoint me to: whether that be information gathering, maintaining diplomatic relations, being an ambassador, offering advice, or even just cooking for the lot of you-" I threw up my hands as low chuckles rippled through them - "but I will _not_ become a monarch over you. I leave Sauron to all paperwork-" I bowed as laughter became more evident, "I leave Ancalagon to air warfare, Maeglin to the forging of armor and weapons, and whoever else over whatever else, and I will treat them with due respect and deference for their authority. I expect you to do the same. I expect you to respect my decision in this. I expect you to understand me. I ask you to continue on as you have, according to Master's orders, and prepare! Prepare, for yes, I have come as prelude to war! War that will defeat our enemy until Eru will come at the end of Arda to make it anew!"

A new cheer rose up, unified and so loud that it must have been heard miles away if there was anyone to hear. When it finally died down, I bowed again. "So, in conclusion, I tell ye, mine family, that I resign myself to thy tender mercies and will be thy humble servant in all things." And with a flourish, I stepped down from the rock.

Sauron was the first to step up on it with the calm confidence that he had never lost. "Alright, Faithful-" he barked, and everyone calmed by degrees. "You heard our Princess. We will continue as we have. However, I think there is a vote to be held-" there were roars of agreement in his direction. I stood by with interest, watching the proceedings with a critical eye. Our family was not _small,_ but neither was it a kingdom. This method of having several leaders and taking votes was something that I could see had slipped naturally into place after they had been left on their own and in shambles. It had slowly evolved into a strangely chaotic and yet clear democratic procedure - gathering together in one place and voting on large decisions as a body, while smaller decisions were left to whoever had authority in that particular area. Smart and efficient. However, I could see that dissension still rose between conflicting opinions as to details.

"What should Caladiel be assigned to?" Sauron went on to present the question. Immediately different opinions started rising, and Sauron glared at them. "Shut up the lot of you!" he roared, and silence fell almost immediately. "Three minutes per opinion, you know the rules," he barked, and stepped down. Kalarion immediately took the - er - rock platform.

"I know I have been in charge of the diplomatic relations, but I am not as qualified as she is. I vote to put her in charge over me, since she has best knowledge of etiquette and personal friendship with some of the rulers," he said, and stepped down. I leaned over to Esgalnoron and Ancalagon.

"Entirely untrue; I'm terrible at etiquette. I have my own diplomatic ways and woe to those who don't know it," I murmured in amusement, to which they both chuckled.

"But you are more fit," Ancalagon rolled his eyes, while I snorted.

"SSShe sssshould be in charge of the general running of the fortressss," Phanairushir, to my surprise, declared, cracking his whip to emphasize his point.

"Put her in charge of the highest decisions when we can't decide," Elboron suggested quietly.

I shook my head. "We are inching towards what I don't want to be," I muttered darkly.

Finally, though, Esgalnoron leaped onto the rock. Silence fell. "Why don't we leave it to her? She will tell us now who is over who, and tell us what she will do," he declared. After a moment, there was unanimous agreement. I rolled my eyes and stepped up in place of Esgalnoron.

"Well then," I sighed, "Sauron. You are in charge of all paperwork, as I have said before. Maeglin, you are over the forge work and it's machinations and intricacies. Ancalagon, you are to train the dragons as you see fit. You dragons, I expect you to defer to his decisions. Braigon, what have you been doing?" I pointed at him.

"Scouting and information," he growled.

"Any others to help you?" I demanded, and he shook his head.

"That won't do. I will see to that. Thurwething?" I queried.

"Mostly any job I'm asked to do. It keeps me busy," she answered, and I pursed my lips.

"I'm assuming you're not in the same shape you were before the War of Wrath?" I asked wryly, and she shook her head. "I thought not. You and I will train together until I deem both of us respectable once more of our titles as assassins. Then I will put you over the Scouts and Rangers. I will have to completely recreate that post," I added to myself, then went on. "What do the Balrogs do?"

"Keep the fortresssss running, the equipment ready, the forgessss lit, the battlementsss up, and generally battle-ready and Fire-proof," Norgaladir answered, who I knew to be leader of the three.

I nodded. "That will stay, though I may add some other things to that," I replied, and nodded at them. "I heard there were new recruits. Where are they?" I queried.

Maeglin stepped forwards. "There were a few Elves who joined us and proved invaluable. They are not battle-ready or trained, but they serve as informants sometimes and mostly act as lore masters and herbalists. They're in various Elven realms at the moment for more information and learning."

I sighed, then pinched my nose. "I have a lot of work to do," I admitted. "Okay peoples, here's the deal. Ready?"

They all nodded. "Good. First, I need to set myself up here," I said with faint humor. "So for two days, I'll get myself settled in home and create myself a study. Secondly, I'll call for all of the leaders and ask them for all paperwork, maps, and information relevant to here and now. I don't care about what you did in the Second Age; I care about what works _now_ ," I stressed. "When I've got that, I'll go over each of them and discuss with them individually about what needs to be changed, fixed, improved, whatever. Then, I'll talk with you all as a group to work out schedules so that we can all be working in harmony. Got that?" I double checked, and was met with nods.

"Thirdly, we'll see if we need to move living quarters or anything within the fortress itself, and get it in clockwork working order like we lived before. This is absolutely necessary."

More nods. "Within one week, we should have settled in with a routine we can all live wi-" I winced with sudden pain, clapping a hand over my heart.

"Caladiel!" Ancalagon leaped forwards, but I held out a hand. Images suddenly flashed through my mind. _Pain, the blood, the beating of my own heart - laughter. My name._

I shook them off violently. "I'll be fine. It's just - just a bit of old pain," I said, more sharply than I intended. My worst fears were coming true. I had always known that Morgoth's - _experiments_ \- had done irreparable damage to my body, but the flame had always kept me up and running. When I came back, I thought maybe I'd get a new body, but I found a carbon copy of my old one instead, with all the scars and even now the internal damage of the old. Even my body on earth had suffered from radiation overexposure. Oh, how would I ever explain this...

Taking a breath, I ignored the searing pain in my side as I straightened and continued on firmly. "Then I will find myself a small niche and place myself there. This is the plan. Can we stick to it?" I demanded, and everyone took my cue to ignore my brief episode and agreed.

Dear Valar, how was I ever supposed to explain this to my family...


	8. Explanations, Expectations, Excitement

_A bit of fluff is in order I think..._

 _So yes, I'm finally sort of settled in for a one month trip to Korea for med checkups for my family, so I think I'll be able to continue with more often updates. Then again, I am kinda busy so no promises._

 _By the way, I own all unfamiliar characters you see except for Jura (DeLacus), Thurwething (WalkingInTalaria), and Kalarion and Gwestiel (Gwestiel). Thanks for reading, and please,_

 _Read!_

 _Enjoy!_

 _Review!_

* * *

Chapter 8

" **Explain**." Sauron turned to me with a scathing look, while Maeglin, Thurwething, Esgalnoron, Faelon, and Ancalagon sat nearby expectantly.

I sighed. "This body... It is an exact replica of my old one, from the War of Wrath," I answered quietly, though no one but Sauron and Esgalnoron would understand the full implications of that statement. For one moment, I thought Sauron was actually going to go into one of his old rages. Then he turned and smashed his fist into the stone wall, causing a huge crack.

I studied the wall apathetically. "Did you have to damage the fortress?" I asked mildly, but he would have none of it.

"How are you supposed to work like that?" he snarled, eyes blazing.

"Shut up," I replied in the same mild tone, which caused him to snap his mouth shut and sit down. "Now if you are calm enough to listen to reason, I will remind you that I functioned just fine in the War of Wrath and will continue to function just fine so long as the Flame remains with me," I said calmly, trying not to show my own concern for their sakes.

"And if you have to give it up like you did before?" Ancalagon's voice was gruff.

I gave him a level look. "We will deal with that when we get there," I replied calmly, to which he looked dubious but said nothing.

"Leave it be," Esgalnoron spoke up softly but authoritatively. "She has enough to worry about as it is; as long as there are no serious problems, we must accept it as it is and turn our focus to more important things," he declared, and I nodded in agreement.

"Well said. Can we agree?" I gave everyone a level look, and they nodded reluctantly. "Well," I sighed, and stood up, clapping my hands. "We have work to do, don't we?"

Everyone else took one look at me and groaned.

 ** __Break_Dragon_Esgalnoron_Break__**

"Taskmaster. That's what you should be called," Esgalnoron groaned from where he was splayed out on the floor.

"Well hello, I can't be a taskmaster if I'm suffering too now, can I? And besides, it goes to show how out of shape we were: it's only been three weeks!" I groaned back, leaning against the wall with chest heaving.

Three weeks since I had arrived and laid out a plan. Three weeks since I had privately told Sauron, Ancalagon, and Maeglin about where and when I came from, though Sauron and Ancalagon had already partially known. Three weeks that I had been working sun up to sun down to get everything working smoothly and everyone back into shape. If Morgoth was out there, preparing for a Ring War or something of the sort, we should be as close to WOW condition as we can get. Morgoth is a far cry worse than Sauron could be, and his ring would truly be powerful. Another reason I hope never to even see it. If I had been his "pet" before and now his object of hate, what would it try to do to me?

Three weeks had gone by, and so far I had managed to find time to set up my quarters in the apartment tower that was officially considered Anacalagon's and mine. I had managed to make it into a home, with proper beds and tables and chairs and whatever else. Also, I had reformed several different branches of work, combining a few and separating or shifting others, and not forgetting the other Elven Faithful that would arrive in a week. As for myself, I had been training those who had Elven or humanoid forms back into good condition along with myself. All in all, it had been a rough but productive three weeks.

Norgaladir and the other two Balrogs were in charge of the fortress' safety and also with checking weapons to make sure that they were in working and top notch condition. Maeglin and Sauron worked in the forges, creating weapons for all members and extras as well. Sauron also managed to get his paperwork in working order for his perfectionism, and also in his spare time helped Maeglin fill the gigantic armory of the fortress with usable weapons in case of emergencies or an impromptu army. Braigon and Esgalnoron worked together to create a working patrol system, adding me and Thurwething and the names of a couple other elves to the list of rangers and surveillance, reconnaissance, and related missions group. The dragons, under Ancalagon, also worked themselves to learn how to blend in better with other humans or elves, and also kept the forges hot and the large, rather cold fortress warm enough so that our breath wouldn't smoke in the mornings. They were our best shock troops, though they would also probably be deployed keeping the Nazgul and other dragons busy in actual battle.

As for me, I had found my place in the Scout and Rangers group, and also as the lone ambassador for the Faithful. Thus, I fell under the command of both Sauron and Braigon. According to the message sent by the elves, they would return to the fortress from their time of further training in a week, thus completing our ranks. When they arrived, Esgalnoron was supposed to assess them and assign them to a task force that would be best suited to their keenest abilities. I hoped to find at least one other suited for the diplomatic corps, and was also supposed to instruct the lead healer in the group of all the medicinal lore I had given Elrond. I was a master at poisons, antidotes, and identifying symptoms of illnesses as well as the treatment of injuries; anything having to do with long term diseases, sicknesses, plagues, and the sort, I was completely clueless except for whatever I could remember learning back on earth.

Thus, in three weeks, so much had been accomplished but we were still only halfway to our goal. However, it could not be said that conversations were dull. Perhaps filled with business, but not dull by any means, especially not during free time. I especially found one particular conversation I happened to walk in on very interesting.

"Are you going to tell her? After all, they'll be coming in a week and you know she hated to leave you," I distinctly heard Jura's slightly sneering voice from behind a door that I was about to enter.

"I do not know how to say it," came a slightly gruff answer that I struggled to identify for a moment. "How would she believe me? I must leave them to introduce each other," the voice went on just as I opened the door. As a testament to their steady nerves and previous cautiousness, neither Jura nor Kalarion started or looked any different than what I would have expected without knowledge of the secret topic. I played along, looking up from a parchment and beginning to immediately ask questions about this and that and the other.

What the secret was I dared not pry till it was revealed of its own, and any concern I might have was negated by the fact that Kalarion would be very careful about breaching any rules or morals, being one of the most level-headed of the dragons. Besides, I detested Paul and Paulina Pry's. Never mind the fact that I was a professionally well-disguised one.

Besides interesting secrets, there were also general jokes and anecdotes from day to day occurrences and also war, as well as nostalgia. Many of us admitted that we looked down on common people at times, knowing that they considered us murderers most of the time yet called for us as soon as they were in trouble. It was a weakness all soldiers or those in combat had, and one that was hard to deny. To protect by killing was our glory, but also to know that we were forever stained was difficult knowledge.

Esgalnoron and I especially joked, rather irresponsibly at times. When we were trying to be serious, Esgalnoron would suddenly make a reference that would have me in stitches, causing whoever was with us to gain a pained look that was becoming habitual where we were concerned. Although, at the same time, they did understand that levity was sometimes needed, we might have taken it a step far because of our personal issues. I called it "making up for lost time." Esgalnoron, unfortunately, called it "unabashed tomfoolery," a term that no one understood and made me laugh to tears.

"Y'still 'aven't made a list, ya know," Esgalnoron drawled one afternoon, sitting in a large chair and eating a hunk of bread. I was trying to come up with a solution to a problem Thurwething and Braigon had presented, while Sauron was sitting nearby polishing a few, valuable weapons.

"Why must you speak so strangely?" Sauron complained, looking down at the dagger.

"Stop whining, it's become dangerously close to a habit with you nowadays, Ada. And what list, Esgalnoron?" I asked distractedly, shedding my cloak and tossing it over his lap carelessly.

He made great pains to settle it over himself elaborately, then went on as I ignored Sauron's burning glare. "Oh, y'know, the one with body counts," he went on, picking bread crumbs from his tunic meticulously.

"Body coun- what are you talking about?" I asked, turning to him with a funny look.

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, bo-dy counts," he enunciated. "'ow many battles you've fought, 'ow many missions you've gone on, blah blah blah," he went on, and I stared at him.

"Whatever for?" I cried in exasperation, and he gave me a half-lidded look.

"To keep track of course," he replied as though I were half-witted.

I made to snap back and then paused. "You sly little spawn of Nirad," I pointed a finger at him as he feigned offense. "Couldn't you have just come out and tell me the solution to my problem if you knew it?" I demanded, and he gave me a half grin.

"And miss ou' of a chance t'speak in a Bri'ish accent? No way," he replied, laughing saucily as I threw up my hands and gave up.

"Idiotic wolf-Phoenix-dragon-elf-Maia," I grumbled, making him laugh harder.

Then was the day I spoke in a Russian accent for the entire day, causing much confusion but some approval. It was a complete blast for me, and also generated an idea.

"You should make that your mission persona," Esgalnoron suggested one day, as the dragons stood around and listened.

"Whut?" I asked, blinking owlishly.

"Oh you know, Russian assassin stereotype. No one here would ever know that sort of accent, and it would be difficult to find someone who was able to speak that way in case anyone decided to find out who was the mysterious assassin," he said, making me begin to ponder that idea as well. "I'm not even sure anyone knows how to switch accents here, except for a select few," Esgalnoron further mused, and so the ideas and reforms kept on coming.

"Ancalagon, what about the Wizards?" I suddenly queried one evening, sitting at my desk while he sprawled by the hearth.

"What about them?" he replied lazily, and I frowned.

"Where are they, what are their names, how many, the general," I said, and he sat up to answer me.

"There were originally five that came. However, two went missing - Alandir and Pallando, the two blue wizards. No one knows where they have gone. There is also Radagast the Brown that dwells in Mirkwood, and Gandalf the Grey that wanders and can hardly be found, and also Saruman the White, leader of the Istari that has taken Isengard for himself," he finished, looking at me curiously.

I sighed and carefully penned down a few phrases, silent for a moment. "Thank you," I said quietly, and he heaved himself up to amble over and look over my shoulder.

"You've been working all day," he murmured, running his hands down my arms. I shivered slightly, then let my quill drop from my fingers.

"I know," I replied with a brittle laugh. "It's like _then_ all over again in some ways," I whispered, and he came around to kneel by my chair. I looked at him with weary eyes, and he traced a finger down my cheek.

"It has been long since then," he murmured. "Here we are among family and our cause is different."

I smiled at him faintly, crookedly. "Ancalagon," I sighed heavily. "You've had two Ages to get used to all this," I motioned around vaguely. "My brave dragon, for me it has been less than five years since I was dying on a battlefield," I reached over to caress his cheek as well. He closed his eyes and let his hand fall onto my lap.

"And now you lead us again."

"No."

He looked at me, confused. "No, I serve among you once more," I whispered, and he picked me up. "Ancalagon no, I have work-"

"Hush," he demanded, carrying me into our room. "Sleep. You have enough time to get us back the way you want us before War starts again. We need you healthy this time, Caladiel. He is not here. He is not looking over your shoulder. Sleep," he set me down, and I shook my head gently, giving up in sheer weariness.

"You should too," I murmured groggily, and he huffed.

"I don't need sleep for a while," he replied.

I cracked a half smile and grabbed his collar, pulling him down for a swift kiss. "Good night," I murmured, and he gave me a smirk back.

"Sleep, love," was all he said, and everything faded away.

 ** __Break_Dragon_Esgalnoron_Break__**

"You're exhausted. How many times do I have to tell you to take a rest," Ancalagon popped out of seemingly nowhere, and I put down a quill in favor of raising an eyebrow at him.

"I rest. Every night. For a solid eight hours, thanks to your interference," I replied wryly. "Please explain how I'm not resting."

"I meant during the day," he replied, pointing a finger at me and arching a black eyebrow. I waved him off and turned back to the paper. "Don't wave me off, Caladiel Sauroniel -"

"Would you two stop bickering like an old married couple and get prepared for the other elves coming - did you just call her _Sauroniel_? Hooh boy, you'd better watch it, or else he'll actually hear that," Esgalnoron whistled, and I calmly reached over to smack the back of his head.

"First of all you fur-brained idiot, we _are_ an old married couple because we've _technically_ been married for almost an Age and a half, if not nearing two Ages now. Secondly, I honestly don't think Ada would say anything about it, and thirdly, _you,_ mister smart-mouth, are clearly nervous," I pointed a finger at him as I raised an eyebrow at the paper in front of me.

"I am _not_ nervous, _young_ sister-"

"You addressed it first, definitely nervous."

"And secondly, Sauron, wouldn't you have something to say if _someone_ called Caladiel Sauroniel?" Esgalnoron ignored me.

Sauron looked up from where he entered the doorway to the forge. "Whatever for, she is," he replied curtly, and moved over to the anvil where Maeglin watched the scene with amusement.

"I won't say it," I drawled, and Esgalnoron glared at me.

"Oh, just go on and get it over with," he growled back.

"I told you so," I said smugly. "And it is rare when I get to do that," I grinned, causing Maeglin to snicker and Faelon to squeak in amusement.

"All I got from this is that you consider us an old married couple," Ancalagon deadpanned, and I grabbed his collar as Esgalnoron burst into cackles along with Faelon and Maeglin. "And now you're holding me by the collar for some reason," he added dryly.

"Ancalagon, you smug, good-for-nothing dragon, did you know that I have absolutely no idea how you managed to get me?" I asked him sternly, and he smirked.

"My charm, love?" he replied amusedly, and I narrowed my eyes.

"I told my own _parents_ that I was _forcefully married_ to a dragon _before_ falling in love with him. I also mentioned that I had no idea how I did, since you had all flirtation and no wooing. Give me one good reason not to regret it," I mock-growled in reply, and he reached up to grab my waist.

"Oh, did we just stumble in on a flirtation?" Glaurthag and Jura came in just then, while Sauron rolled his eyes and leaned against an anvil.

"No, you've walked in on an old married couple's argument," I replied, and pointed at Maeglin. "Shut up Maeglin, you married Thurwething," I added, and he snapped his mouth shut as Jura and Esgalnoron hooted. "I'm waiting, mister," I told Ancalagon.

"What can I say, dearest?" he drawled. "Perhaps I'm just that irresistible."

He leaned forwards, and I placed my hand over my mouth to block a kiss. I stepped back and picked up my papers calmly. "You know where you're mistaken?" I asked calmly. "You assume that I actually think you're hot," then I sauntered towards Sauron nonchalantly while Esgalnoron actually sat down on the floor to cry with laughter and explain through his hysterics the joke.

It did work though; it distracted Esgalnoron from the fact that today was the day the elves were supposed to arrive. My secret hype about meeting this female that Kalarion had been teased about was almost killing me, and I was also very curious to see what sort of elves had been accepted into the main group of the Faithful. They would have to be the best of the best or at least have done something considered highly by the Faithful in order to be accepted. We would accept any into our order as long as they had the main fundamentals down; but living among us was another thing entirely. That required the greatest of trust, or at least some very unique event or situation.

"... Caladiel, will you listen?" Sauron's annoyed voice cut into my thoughts, and I facepalmed at myself.

"Sorry Ada, try again please? I promise I'll pay attention," I said sheepishly, and despite rolling his eyes, he sighed and painstakingly described the designs he was holding in front of our noses. I tossed my hands up. "Ada, I leave it to you. I can make neither heads nor tails about any of this metallurgy and forging - all I can do is tell you about the quality of the finished product," I said helplessly, and he huffed.

"Very well," he grumbled, and turned on his heel to stalk back out.

"With great power comes great -"

"Headache," I cut into Esgalnoron's explanation of trite expressions, and he made to correct me when he changed his mind.

"You're right, it's painfully cliche," he grinned, while I rolled my eyes.

"It's obvious by now," I replied in kind. Braigon suddenly loped in, trotting over to me. I placed a hand on his large head, running fingers down to his snout. "Lemme guess, they're here?" I murmured. He gave me a distinctly annoyed look.

"No, they're on the way," he replied, and I snickered.

"Excuse me, that's what I meant," I smirked, while he snorted in amusement.

"That's better," then he loped off again.

"Okay peeps, let's go meet the stragglers!" I said cheerfully, and glided off towards the Wereplain.

"What should I look like?" Esgalnoron whined as he walked next to me, Ancalagon ambling amiably on my other side.

"Whatever you want, twinkle toes," I replied humorously, and he glared before sticking hands in his pockets and sulking. "What, you're gonna sulk all the way there?" I asked, and he sighed.

"No, shut up, I'm just gonna go as a dragon," he replied with a sigh, and I raised an eyebrow.

"Pocket, or normal?"

"Normal," he answered, and immediately went to join the other dragons as we emerged onto the Wereplain.

"We should give the fortress itself a name," I mused, standing next to Braigon and Ancalagon. Sauron, Maeglin, and Thurwething joined us in time to hear my comment.

"Like what?" Thurwething queried.

"I don't know. Just a suggestion," I shrugged.

"Balrog's Battlement?" Maeglin snorted.

"Mairon's Manor?" I pitched in.

"Faelon's Fortress," Ancalagon added.

"Heathen Hearth," said Braigon.

"They're all good. Maybe we should take a vote or something," I said thoughtfully.

"We'll discuss it later, here they come," Thurwething said, and just as she spoke a group came out of the forest. Surprisingly, at least to me, there were no horses. There were, however, five elves that approached the fortress, with one of them carrying another that looked smaller than the others in a piggyback ride.

They looked unsurprised to see gathered on the Wereplain to welcome them, though they did seem surprised to see new members. They finally stopped five feet from us and bowed, then gave the classical Faithful salute of hand to the chest, forehead, lips, then air while voicing the greeting, "The lieutenant is strong."

We snapped to attention and performed the same salute, returning the greeting. "But the Master is stronger."

Sauron stepped forwards. "Welcome home, Faithful. State your names and skills, and we will do the same."

The first elf stepped forwards and began. "I am known as Dimaethor Boronwegion of Lothlórien, half-Noldo and half-Sinda. My profession is warrior." he declared solemnly, then stepped back. I assessed his aura and air quickly, memorizing the basic information. He had dark silver hair that proved his heritage, with deep, blue-grey eyes. About six feet tall, he was the second tallest ellon and definitely built for strength more than speed, making his profession understandable. However, he also had a distinctly refined and knowledgable air, which alerted me that this might be the one that would join Braigon and Thurwething and I as Scout, Ranger, and Ambassador.

The second stepped forwards. "My name is Marcaril Morcocanion, lore master. I hail recently from Rivendell and originally from Gondolin, Noldo," he stepped back. His hair was dark and his eyes a calming blue. His ink-stained hands also pointed to his profession, though his kindly air was rather surprising. I could find no hint as to what had driven him from his home into the ranks of the Faithful, though his desire to be here was evident from his relaxed and comfortable stance.

The third fairly bounded forwards, green eyes and shockingly wild red hair standing out amongst the others, though his eyes held a keen, sharp look and there was a alertness in his spastic movements. His hands were surprisingly steady despite his erratic behavior, alerting me to his profession even before he began. "Caracil Taurion, at your service! I hail from Mirkwood, originally from the time of Oropher. I am a master healer, half-Sinda and half-Silvan," he declared cheerfully, and I faintly guessed why he was here.

The fourth was the gravest of them all, though that alone gave away his skills to me as well. He was the tallest of all the elves, standing at six and a half feet with surprisingly short-cropped black hair and black eyes, his skin a noticeably darker shade than the rest of all those gathered. His eyes were piercing and still, but his air was not aloof. Rather he seemed to have an almost nervous energy that was only portrayed in the slight vacillation of his movements that were smooth but predictable. His eyes were also very aged, giving me a healthy surprise. "I am Duvainor Camaendirion, originally of the Avari, awoken by the shores of Cuiviénen. My occupation is master healer," his voice was a baritone that surprised me even further, having never heard a potential Elven bass before.

The last and youngest took me by almost complete surprise. An elleth I had been expecting. But _this_? Oh, this was incredible. And also demanded answers to a plethora of questions in my head. She couldn't have been more than one hundred, not quite to her majority. Her hair was an unusual reddish-brown color, but her silver eyes were what made me realize her heritage. She was rather short but lithe, and she seemed brimming with energy. "My name is Gwestiel, and I'm an orphan of war originally born in Doriath when my Noldorin parents fled there for refuge during war. I'm Kalarion's little sister!" she waved eagerly at Kalarion, who looked down at her from his lofty dragon height with a half-resigned look that I knew well. _She_ had adopted Kalarion, who had eventually accepted the inevitable. I let out a queer little, unrestrained giggle that earned me funny looks. I still wanted to know how she ended up among the Faithful though.

"My name is Esgalnoron, one of the original Faithful. Origin of Valinor, Maia, dragon, Elf, Phoenix, and Wolf. Profession various," Esgalnoron tossed his head up and down, while the new elves looked shocked.

I stepped forwards, garnering attention. "Caladiel Sauroniel, one of the original Faithful. Origin classified, professions various but predominately assassin. Bloodline very diluted, but mainly Dúnedain," I bowed politely, then stepped back.

"Introductions concluded. Gather in the main hall for dinner and explanations," Sauron spoke up before anyone could blurt anything, and dragons morphed while everyone began to head for the dinner hall. For food, we tended to switch shifts between me, Amlugial, and Esgalnoron, who were the only ones who could cook without poisoning the others. Sauron could but just didn't have time. Braigon and Thurwething usually hunted for themselves though, while the Balrogs merely sat around and talked because they didn't eat, period. The dragons fetched their own food, so those who cooked mainly cooked for the rest of us who maintained Elven forms mostly. We probably could have done away with a dining hall altogether, since we only ate dinner together anyway, but we used it as an excuse to wind down for evening, relax, and catch up on casual things with one another in normal conversation.

Ancalagon escorted me to the dining hall while I peppered him with questions about Kalarion, which he only vaguely answered. We finally seated ourselves in no particular order or fashion, and I found myself between Ancalagon and Norgaladir. Sauron stood at the head of the table, catching everyone's attention so that silence settled.

"Everyone who is part of the Faithful knows the story of Esgalnoron and Caladiel, as well as their disappearance. Through events unforeseen, they have been returned to us. Let us not question but rather merely thank Eru for this gift, and accept it. Those of you who have returned, please report after dinner to the room in the west wing of the second corridor on the second floor, and all shall be explained to you. Eru bless this meal," then he sat, and conversation started up in a buzz again as everyone dug in.

As I chatted with Norgaladir, I wondered about the future and what Esgalnoron would do with these newcomers...


	9. Lists, Lessons, and Life

_... I had to go on a long trip halfway across Korea and then I came back and had to study for my SAT and had a lot of other important places to go plus visiting the dentist with my Dad because I have to get my braces checked and dad has some stuff too so I couldn't update as soon as I wished okay!? *dives into Mithril box* is it okay to come out?_

 _Anyways... I GOT TO SEE DOCTOR STRANGE IN THE THEATERS AND IT WAS SO AMAZINGLY INCREDIBLE I'm sorry. I got a little carried away there... But really. If you haven't seen it, make time and go see it. It's amazing!_

 _On the other hand... Here's the update. I own all original characters you don't recognize from the book, with exception of Gwestiel, which belongs to Gwestiel. XD_

 _Thank you for the follows and faves and reviews. Reviews means more muse for me and more and faster chapters for you! So please..._

 _Read!_

 _Enjoy!_

 _Review!_

* * *

There was a knock at the door.

"Come in," I called without looking up, and I heard someone come inside and shut the door. "Please take a seat," I motioned, trying to finish a sentence. Then I plopped the quill down where ink wouldn't splatter and looked up. "Sorry, I'm at your disposal now. Paperwork is horrifying," I looked up and stopped when I saw all five elves in front of me, my eyebrows raising.

"Esgalnoron you little twerp," I said dryly, and then nodded. "Now, let's close mouths and get to it, shall we? What did my brother tell you?"

There were some embarrassed twitches, while the Avari - Duvainor - merely looked faintly amused. Dimaethor spoke up. "He sent us to you, saying that he didn't really need to tell you anything and..." he hesitated. "Go wild-?"

I leaned back in my chair and laughed. "Thank you, that was a very good message," I grinned, wiping my eyes, then put my hands on the table.

"Okay then, stories please," I said politely, and motioned to the Avari. "Duvainor first, if you don't mind?"

He inclined his head and began. "I have already told you that I was awakened by the shores of Cuiviénen. My people the Avari wandered off soon after, and I followed. There is not much to say. I did not take apart in any of the main events of the First and Second Ages, only continuing to learn my craft - only, I did offer help to anyone who was injured. I freely helped elves, men, and dwarves alike. For this, none of my people accepted me and I was an outcast. When I heard of the Faithful - for news is inevitable to hear wherever you are - I decided that perhaps I would be able to better help people with my skills for the glory of the Creator among a band of misfits like myself," he shrugged. "I came and pleaded help and to help, and was received by the Faithful, particularly Maeglin," he said, and I nodded slowly.

"I trust the Faithful here with every last breath, so you need not worry that I will turn any of you away from me. You are welcome here, and I thank you for your service. Caracil next, please, and I will tell you what I have in mind for you two healers," I said calmly, and Duvainor subsided, mollified.

Caracil sat up. "Honor to meet you, Caladiel Sauroniel! I've heard so much about you from ever since I was young! As for me, I was born during Oropher's reign just as we moved into the halls of Mirkwood. I applied for a guard position, but I was deemed too hotheaded and reckless. However, a healer took me as an apprentice, telling me that I would make a good healer for the steadiness of my hands," he said, flapping said hands as much as his mouth, to general amusement. He either ignored us or didn't notice, and plowed on. "To my own surprise I found that I was very interested in the art and did well, eventually earning my title as master healer by the time of the War of the Last Alliance. I learned to defend myself in the battles and also worked as a front-line healer. However, I was deemed odd by my people and though I was not shunned, I was treated as strange because of my unusual personality and profession. They thought someone as flighty as I would not make a good healer. My parents were killed in the War, and I decided to try my fortunes elsewhere. In my travels to Rivendell to further my knowledge, I met the ambassador Kalarion and struck up a friendship. When he learned of my profession, availability, and wanderlust, he decided to invite me to become a member of the Faithful. Of course, I eagerly accepted, and I have never been so happy! I feel accepted here, and the life I lead among the Faithful is fulfilling," he concluded, and I smiled at him.

"For which I am grateful, Caracil. You are a wonderful addition to this household - as dysfunctional a family as we are," I smirked.

"I was about to say..." Duvainor inserted with a straight face. I gave him a spit-take for a moment before bursting into laughter along with the rest of them.

"Yes well. If you don't mind, I will later try to go over my own knowledge of poisons, antidotes, and such things with you, and compare notes. Perhaps I have something you don't know yet, and perhaps you can also help me. I'm afraid I am also in dire need of a healer's professional opinion," I said sheepishly, holding out my shaking hands. Duvainor took my hands into his, noticing the shaking of them.

"Normal for long-time Warriors-"

"-but it can be fixed! Sauron used to be much worse!" Caracil put in with a smug laugh at Duvainor's annoyed look. I smiled at their by-play, sensing a friendship between the two despite the seeming animosity. Like Esgalnoron and I, I thought irreverently.

"That's a relief to hear. An assassin with shaking hands is not exactly good," I grinned, and retracted my hands.

"Now then, lore master Marcaril, I'd like to know you a little better," I said, and with a polite and warm nod, he started with all the gusto of a history nut talking about their favorite topic.

"My skills, as you are already aware, lie in lore and history. I was born in Aman; however, I chose to follow Túrucano and ended up in Gondolin. In fact, I saw you quite a few times, my lady, though you were much more busy and aloof than you are now," he said, and I inclined my head.

"I apologize for not recognizing your face; that time is rather a haze for me," I said, and he waved it off.

"I did not have much to do with you yourself, I merely saw you several times. I lived under the rule of Róg. When Gondolin was evacuated to the Sirion, I was placed in charge of some of the historical accounts. I started my studies from Aman, however, under the instruction of Valandur, lore master of Ingwë. I moved to Rivendell when Beleriand sank and the elves split from Lindon. I chose to come join the Faithful because I wanted to write about them accurately, and how better than to do it from here? Also, I wanted to learn more about you, out of natural curiosity," he said politely.

My lips quirked. "I'm a rather strange specimen to study - I hope you don't mind that I hardly know myself sometimes," I chuckled, and he merely gave me a smile. "You are welcome here, for knowledge is always to be sought as a precious commodity, and perhaps you wouldn't mind being a strategist for us at times, and a mediator," I said, and he nodded.

"I would be glad to do any part," he answered simply.

"Much appreciated. Now, we get to my particular point of interest," I grinned down at Gwestiel. "Gwestiel - do you mind if I call you Gwes? - _do_ tell me about yourself, and don't forget to tell me all about Kalarion," I winked at her, and her previous nervousness fell away as she broke into mischievous, impish laughter.

"Thank you, Lady Caladiel," she said shyly, and I held up a finger.

"I almost forgot to mention: family are not allowed to call me lady. You all are to call me Caladiel, no more than that. Is this understood?" I raised a sardonic eyebrow, and there was light laughter and general agreement. "Go on now, Gwes."

"Well, I know I was born in Doriath, as I said, but no one really told me much about my parents. That's okay though - I had someone who took good care of me," she said without a hint of sorrow. "As an orphan, I was later taken to Mirkwood along with another group of orphans for a visit. But we were attacked by spiders, and I got lost in the woods. Thankfully, Radagast the Brown found me later on before the spiders could, and he sent me to Mirkwood Proper. Since I'm a Noldo, they decided to send me to Rivendell to see if I had any relatives. When I got there, I found out that Marcaril was my uncle, so he took me under his wing for a while - and it happened that Kalarion was there for diplomatic purposes," her smirk grew wicked.

"I was out by the waterfalls one day when I fell, and though I knew how to swim, apparently Kalarion didn't and decided I needed rescuing. So... I sort of refused to let him go because I was fascinated by him. Then when Marcaril requested he be allowed to join the Faithful, I packed up and declared that I was going. Kalarion tried to get himself out of it, but I didn't let him. Luckily for me, Jura was there with him and decided that I'd be good for the fortress," she said with self-satisfaction, while I leaned back and laughed myself to tears.

"You are absolutely marvelous, Gwes," I gasped, wiping my eyes. "Well I need to thank Jura," I sighed in amusement, sitting up again. "Don't tell them, but I heard Jura and Kalarion talking about you before you arrived. When you introduced yourself, I saw the resigned look on Kalarion's face and it reminded me a bit overmuch of my own situation with Sauron," I snorted, rolling my eyes. "Therefore, my amusement."

Gwestiel was the only one who laughed, though the rest looked both faintly amused and intrigued at the same time. "Am I supposed to do something?" Gwestiel wondered aloud.

"Yes, in fact, though it's not that hard to do," I replied, and she nodded eagerly.

"Anything!"

I smiled faintly at her. "First of all, just be you," I sighed, raking my hand through my hair. "We old Faithful need your youth and high spirits. I used to be just like you, then my troubles began and I changed... That will not happen to you," my hand fisted briefly before I went on more crisply. "Secondly, expect others to ask you to run small errands and favors. You are free to wander about the fortress as you will, as long as you respect the others' private rooms and work times. The forge is a good place to stay most of the time, though, since you can be found and find others there easily. Is there any skill you'd like to learn or have already learned?" I queried.

Gwestiel looked down at her hands, both thoughtfully and somewhat ruefully. "I did do that before you came, and I feel a bit guilty that I don't know how to do much. I did learn how to cook, clean, and sew while I was in Doriath, and I know how to make tapestries, but I don't know much else. I used to hang around the armory a lot, and I know how to sharpen weapons. I wanted to learn how to use one, but no one thought I should," she shrugged.

"Sewing and cooking are good things to know, Gwestiel, and I think I have just the job for you, one that is sorely needed," I said in satisfaction, and she looked at me curiously. I stood and walked over to a shelf, where a few small notebooks were gathered. Taking one down, I walked back to the table.

"The Faithful have always been a group of misfits and oddities. We will always remain that way: unconventional and unique. You, Gwestiel, I will train to be a messenger and scout, if you like that idea," I raised an eyebrow at her.

Her face lit up. "Really? What do I do?"

I smiled slightly. "I'll discuss that with you later. For now though, let me hear Dimaethor's story first, and then assign him to his post."

Dimaethor inclined his head, and without further ado, plunged in readily. "I am originally from Nargothrond, though I was but a child during the War of Wrath. Of course, I became one of the Galadhrim later, as I followed King Finrod, but I do remember some things of my childhood. I remember hearing tales of the Faithful, and always wished to join. It became my life goal, and I set out to become the best warrior I could be. Another incentive I had was the fact that I wanted to prove myself to both of my parents, since they wondered what I skills I would prefer as a half-Noldo and half-Sinda. I trained under the Galadhrim and eventually fought in the War of the Last Alliance, and earned the title of Captain. However, I felt dissatisfied and wanted to do more than just be a captain. When I found the chance, I took leave of King Finrod and came here to beg for a place to serve, and was accepted after I proved my prowess in combat," he finished, his story unembellished from start to finish and straight forwards.

I nodded slowly, pursing my lips in order to gather my thoughts properly. "And you are welcome. Have you been serving under Sauron, or who-?" I queried.

"It was not set. I served under whoever decided to take charge of the Warriors," he shrugged, and I frowned.

"Anyone in particular you found was adept at your style of combat or appreciated fully your talents?" I pressed.

He hesitated for a moment before answering slowly. "They were all adept at warfare, but I found that I could get along with Maeglin very well."

I nodded in satisfaction. "His wife would be familiar with his method of fighting - I will assign you under both of them," I said, jotting down some careful notes in the notebook. "What I wouldn't give for a tablet," I grumbled to myself, then strewed sand over the page to hasten the drying and closing it, returning the book to the shelf.

"Dimaethor, go to Maeglin or Thurwething, or both, and tell them that I've assigned you under them. They'll know what to do and show you what you will be expected to do," I said crisply, and he stood and nodded. "Marcaril, I'm putting you under Sauron. He will have an appreciation for your meticulousness and affinity for paperwork and order, and he will also accept your help in strategy. Now, Caracil, Duvainor, we don't have an official healer group, so you two will be equal in that. Go to Thurwething along with Dimaethor and tell her that I want her to run you down on your knowledge of poisons and whatever else I've taught her. Later, I'll call you both in to check my own mental stores of all that. If Thurwething is too busy at the moment, she'll send you to Sauron for quartering and all the other mechanics: he's the boss on that, I have no idea what system he has for that stuff. Gwes, you will be coming with me - I will not relinquish you to anyone else," I winked, and watched with satisfaction as her face lit up.

She reminded me so much of what I had lost - a childhood. Yes, I had been fourteen when I arrived in Middle Earth first, but the rest of that time of growing had been rapidly shoved into a ridiculously short time, and I was bent in ways I wasn't meant to or even capable of. Gwestiel had become, to me, a chance of redemption for _myself_ , a chance to give her the childhood I wanted so badly. I wanted to spoil her, to shower her with love since she had no parents. She would have a family here, the kind that I didn't. And admittedly, because of the warped desire Morgoth had given me all those years ago that I couldn't and still couldn't fulfill, I wanted to have a youngling following me. I needed a younger one to look after. And no, the childish imbeciles here don't count.

I motioned for Gwestiel to follow me down a hallway as the group split up to go their separate ways. "You will have to follow me quite a bit in order to learn," I told her, and she nodded cheerfully.

"I can do that!" she exclaimed readily, and a pained smile crossed my lips at her eagerness. The PTSD was crippling.

"Now, have you ever ridden a horse before, Gwes?" I asked, and she frowned and shook her head.

"Noooo... Do I need to know how?" she asked anxiously, and I hastened to placate her rising anxiety.

"Relax, child. It does not matter either way. It might have helped you a little, but at least you don't have to unlearn that skill in order to learn a new one," I said, and she relaxed.

"Okay," she answered, and I nodded.

"Do not fear what you can or can't do. You are yet young, and have much time to learn what you need to know before you will need to know it. And even I am not perfect at everything; even the best of the best require constant practice to stay in the level they are at the time. Your first lesson today will not be too hard, though it will definitely take concentration, effort, and much practice. I doubt you will have to worry for lack of the last, though," I said dryly, and Gwestiel groaned, making me chuckle.

"Oh don't be like that, you'll enjoy it if I don't miss my mark," I said genially.

"What will it be?" she prodded, and I raised an eyebrow as we emerged onto the Wereplain.

"Patience is a virtue," I said calmly, and watched with amusement as she sulked.

~Esgalnoron, get over here to the Wereplain now.~ I deadpanned.

~I'm coming, I'm coming!~

I let out a piercing whistle next that made Gwes clap her hands over her ears. "How loudly can you whistle?" I asked her, and she attempted to replicate my whistle. It was decidedly weak. My lips twitched. "How high-pitched can you yell, then?" I tried, and she let out one of the highest-pitched notes I have ever heard. It was a true soprano, that note. "That will do," I snorted, and she grinned sheepishly.

Two Wolves bounded across the Wereplain towards us, skidding to a halt. "Esgalnoron, Braigon," I said, reaching out to pat their noses. "Imma need your help, Kay Esgalnoron?" I murmured, and he tossed his head.

"Braigon, have you met Gwestiel?" I asked, and the werewolf with piercing Amber eyes studied the elleth.

"Ah- we d-didn't meet officially," Gwes said nervously, shying slightly behind me. I smiled at her faintly.

"Well then. Gwes, this is Braigon. Braigon, Gwes," then I stepped forwards and patted Braigon's ears. "She's going to be your partner, Braigon. Think you can work with her?" I asked, and he continued to stare. I waited patiently till he answered.

"She is afraid of me," he said, and I heard the slight note of nervousness in his voice.

"I'm not - well, more nervous than afraid," Gwes squeaked. "I didn't know you could talk!"

Braigon's ear twitched. "I didn't know you could speak without stuttering," he answered wryly, and after a tense stare down, Gwes suddenly leaped forwards and threw her arms around the werewolf's neck, burying her face in his fur. He stiffened, then carefully sniffed her hair. "Moss," he rumbled, and Gwes crinkled her nose.

"You smell like blood and wind," she informed him solemnly in return, and he chuckled.

"That is what all werewolves smell like, secluded forest child," he replied, and Esgalnoron and I grinned at each other.

"Gwes, you will learn how to ride Braigon, and also spend a lot of time with him. You two must form a unique bond of trust if you can in order to be able to work together in harmony. As far as I can see, you two are a good match in that way," I said, and Braigon tilted his head at me.

"She will be the messenger?" he asked tersely, and I nodded solemnly. "It is a dangerous job," he said darkly, and I raised an eyebrow.

"Isn't that why you are her partner?" I replied calmly, and he grunted.

"Just teach her to treat me well," he grumbled, and I laughed.

"Thinking of your own hide, eh?" I teased, while Gwes looked lost. "You're fine, Gwes, Braigon just hates admitting that he'd die before letting you get hurt. That's mainly because of duty, but later he'll like you for you, wait and see," I winked, then walked over to her.

"Let me teach you to properly mount and ride a werewolf. It's more difficult than riding a horse, and a horse and a wolf reacts differently. I asked if you could ride a horse because if you did it would give you a general idea what it would be like, but at the same time you have to learn different rules for riding a wolf. If you learn how to master riding Braigon, you will be able to ride horses more easily. They are not the same, but they have similar basics," I looked at her keenly, and she nodded, intent on my words. I went on, satisfied with her attention.

"If you'd like, I can give you a notebook later to write down what you learn so you can go back and refresh yourself if you need it," I said as an afterthought, and Gwestiel broke in, eyes wide.

"You would? But parchment is so scarce!" she exclaimed, and I paused, startled, before remembering.

"Oh well, yes, but I have a method of making large amounts of paper out of something other than animal skins - I'll show you later," I said with a dry chuckle. "Rest assured that it isn't that much to give you a notebook about the thickness of your nail. Now pay attention," I said, and she subsided.

"You've already learned how to call Braigon. He will learn to recognize your unique voice and tone, so no one else can call Braigon even with the same note because it's not your voice. Since he is much larger than you, he will crouch to allow you to mount. Let me show you, then I'll make you try," I continued, and Braigon crouched. I stood facing Braigon's side, then grasped his neck fur and slowly kicked my right foot to the side till it was the level of his back. Then I turned my body to face the direction Braigon was facing, sliding right to complete the mount. Then I hunched over his back, still grasping the fur and clenching my legs around his torso as he stood.

I turned to face Gwes, finding that she was watching closely. "You and Braigon will have to decide upon a set of signals made by body alone in order to convey simple thoughts, such as 'stop,' 'slow down,' 'speed up,' and 'let me dismount.' They are unique to you and him alone. That way, if anyone attempts to ride Braigon without permission from you or him, he will be accustomed to you and not another. Now watch as I dismount," I said, and patted his neck. He crouched, and I slid left until my foot touched the ground, swinging my leg over and twisting my body to face his back until both feet were firmly on the ground once more.

"Now you try," I said, motioning. Licking her lips, Gwestiel stepped forwards and mimicked my actions, a bit jerkily but managing easily. I watched with sharp eyes, and was pleased to see that she hunched over his back and anchored her legs against his sides. Braigon stood easily, and she gasped slightly.

"Just make sure to remember not to squeeze his sides too tightly, and don't yank on his hair. Braigon can understand every word you say, so you'll never really need to command him like you would a horse. When you're riding him, he won't go the wrong way because you're not leading him - unless, of course, he's a stubborn idiot and won't listen to reason," I said dryly, and Gwes giggled as Braigon snapped playfully at my arm. I shoved his nose.

"Also Gwes, always, always treat him like a sentient being, not a horse. He is not a dumb beast, and he has his own mind and will. If you respect him, he will respect you equally. Both of you are working in a partnership, and that must be based firmly on trust to work properly," I warned, and she nodded with alacrity.

"Now, we'll try to ride. Believe me, it's not as easy as it looks," I sighed, and swung up onto Esgalnoron. "Slow trot, guys," I said, and we started off. Gwestiel bounced painfully on Braigon, and I began to coach her. "Move along with Braigon's gait. Rock forwards and backwards. Don't hold yourself stiff," I said, and she slowly began to do as I said. "If you fall off, that's okay. I fell off of Esgalnoron a lot when I first tried to ride him," I added, and she nodded jerkily. "Trust me, stay relaxed. If you don't, then your muscles will lock and you won't be able to ride smoothly and you'll be regretting it later when your muscles ache, not to mention if you fall while that tense, it'll cause worse injury. Just relax, and move the way your body wants to move," I said, and slowly, she began to get the hang of it.

"When you're comfortable with this speed, we'll try to get up to the easy lope for now. You'll have to practice that for a while until you are one hundred percent confident that you can handle that with ease," I said. She nodded absently, concentrating on maintaining her balance. She was well-balanced, but I could tell that her coordination was not as good. Hopefully, she'd get better.

As I continued to coach her throughout the next hour, I also mused on my plans for the coming weeks. I'd have to help the other elves get settled into our new routine, not to mention I needed to figure out what to do about some other issues I'd been turning over in my head. My main duty lay with the Faithful, firstly because they were my family, and secondly because Melkor was my master. However, speaking of family, I wanted to go back to my parents soon. According to my mental timeline, Gilraen should be about a month pregnant with Aragorn by now, and I wanted to be there for his birth. I'd have to do a lot of traveling because of being an ambassador, and I planned to use that to keep track of Aragorn. The Faithful would be working with him after all, plus my own biological father was going to be his servant. And speaking of which, there was a huge issue I needed to go talk with my dad about. Arathorn's death. He read the history of Middle Earth like I did. He knew the technical canon. He could see what I'd changed. What if he wanted to change Arathorn's death? Was that even allowed? I'd been working on orders, not my own free will. I knew what I could and couldn't do. What about Dad? It nagged me.

Even while I congratulated Gwes and Braigon on their first steps to working with each other, I still worried, gnawing on it in the back of my mind. Even as I did the rest of my duties for the day and went over herbs and medicines and battle wound techniques with the two healers, making an appointment for the next day to see about my shaking hands, it was still there. I would have to wait though, until everything here in the Haven was working like clockwork and could function smoothly without me, then I'd have the freedom to go do the things on my own agenda.

With a sigh, I leaned back in my chair in the dinner hall, cracking my back slightly as I listened to Esgalnoron talk. Ancalagon, sitting next to me, gave me a questioning look. I gave him a faint smile to show that I was alright, though he looked unconvinced. I mouthed 'later,' and he nodded, appeased for the moment.

"So what _are_ we gonna name the fortress?" Esgalnoron asked, and gathered the attention from the table.

"So far we've got 'Heathen Hearth, Faelon's Fortress, Mairon's Manor, and Balrog's Battlement," Thurwething ticked off on her fingers, and I hummed thoughtfully as everyone else began to think of names.

"Dragon's Demesne," Jura drawled. I rolled my eyes at the pale-green dragon.

"Faithful Fortress," Marcaril said slowly.

"Creature Cradle," Esgalnoron snickered.

"Misfit Mission," I suddenly piped up thoughtfully.

"Hunter's Home!" Gwes exclaimed.

"Can we _not_ make it so obvious? I mean if we talk about this home in such names it'll be blatantly obvious where we're from. What if we don't want to be obvious?" Esgalnoron finally said, and we looked at each other.

"That's... surprisingly a good idea," Ancalagon wrinkled his nose and received an indignant cry from Esgalnoron as the others laughed.

"Hunter's Heath," Marcaril finally said, garnering attention. "It's generic enough to be anywhere but at the same time describes us well. We are all hunters of one sort or another - evil, information, lore, or illness as the case might be - and it is also a large plain at the foot of Carn Dûm. It would work," he suggested, and slowly nods began to go around.

"Does this mean I get credit for the name?" Gwestiel piped up hopefully, and laughter broke out afresh along with applause for the new name.

"Well then. Hunter's Heath it is," Sauron shrugged.

I winked at Gwestiel.

 ** __Break_Dragon_Esgalnoron_Break__**

I stumbled into the bedroom, shedding my cloak and collapsing into a chair, letting out a single groan. Ancalagon looked over at me with a frown.

"Are you well?" he asked tersely, and I looked over at him.

"Yes. No. Yes. Don't ask me," I replied, exhausted. "I had to make sure Gwes had a room and whatnot..." I sighed, absently running a hand through my hair.

"Something is bothering you," Ancalagon said simply, and I smiled at him faintly.

"You're keen," I said wryly. He sighed and came over to my chair, lifting me up bridal style. I gasped and clutched his shoulders.

"Ancalagon what-"

He ignored me and sat down on the bed, setting me in his lap. "Tell," he demanded, and I gave up.

"I've got future problems," I admitted, and he raised an eyebrow.

"Explain."

"Ancalagon, _future_ problems. I can't tell you," my eyebrow twitched. He gave me a look like I was being a dimwit.

"I _meant_ tell me what you're feeling," he replied.

"Oh. Well..." I pursed my lips. "Mainly concern on how to handle the upcoming situation. The potential trouble is with my biological family. It might not go over well," I said sketchily, and he shook his head, wordlessly. "That's how I feel," I said ironically, and he just gave me an unimpressed look. "I know I don't make good jokes, you don't have to rub it in," I whined, and he sighed.

"Oh, just be quiet and rest," he groaned, then decided to kiss me.

Awkwardly, I fell asleep midway through the second kiss. I have a feeling he was most unimpressed.


	10. Gwes, Greeting, and Gamble

_Well hi there! I'm sorry about leaving for an entire month, but I think some of you can guess. Yes, I am a proud winner of the 2016 NaNoWriMo! But now I am back, and I bring you another chapter! Please accept my sincere apologies for leaving without a word, and please accept this chapter as well... I hope to continue updating every week!_

 _Thank you for all of the follows and faves, and please review so I know that people like it or don't like it and I get inspiration!_

 _Kiya~_

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Chapter 10

"Do you have to go?" Gwestiel whined from where she sat in the forges, sulking. I sat next to her and laughed quietly.

"Sorry Gwes, but I must. Tell you what. How bout I take Faelon with me, and you stick close to Sauron okay? I'll message sometime, and if you want, Braigon can bring you to where I am," I proposed, turning to her. She looked at me, eyes wide.

"Really? I can? But..." she trailed off, and I hugged her.

"You've been training to at least know how to use a dagger right? And Braigon will take care of you," I replied with a smile. "If you want, you can. It's up to you."

She broke into a squeal just before I could clap my hand over her mouth, and she gasped breathlessly. "Thank you!" she whisper-yelled so as not to startle Maeglin and Sauron. "I'll come, I'll be good, I promise!" her eyes glowed, and I chuckled. Braigon, next to her, growled as she jostled him.

"Calm down," he complained, and she threw her arms around his neck.

"Oh Bragi, won't it be fun?" she giggled maniacally as Braigon sighed. I turned away, chuckling slightly.

It had been about five months since I had left my mother and father, and now that everyone was in a smooth routine and knew what to do and were confident in their jobs, I could finally attend to some personal things. I had announced that I was leaving the next morning, and though somewhat sullen that I had to leave, they accepted it in good grace.

Ancalagon was resigned, as usual, though in all honesty I was partially relieved that I could get away from him for a while. It wasn't that I was unhappy around him - no, I loved him. But denying him what he'd like to have was difficult. Not that I didn't want to - we were married after all - but the fact that I _couldn't_ didn't make me very happy. I couldn't risk having a child. It wasn't as if I didn't _want_ to, because Valar only knows how much I do want one, but right now was _not_ a good time to. He knew that; I knew that; nevertheless, the burning looks he would give me sometimes just made me want to give up. I knew he couldn't help it; he'd given me those looks since the day we were "married."

So yes, I did sorta kinda want to get away from it all for a while. And again, a little idea was creeping up in my mind concerning my parents that I wanted to see if it worked. I had the time to see it happen, after all.

In the meantime, however, I watched Sauron and Maeglin at their forge work. I hadn't had the chance to see it before now, and it always relaxed me before. I figured I could use some of that relaxing now. The monotony of the movements were hypnotic, and especially with Ada: his perfection of the art of forging made it doubly enjoying to watch. The subtle nuances in his movements and the way his fiery hair would slip in strands and tendrils across his sweat-soaked shoulders had the same effect as watching a fire: hypnotic, soothing, dangerous, wild.

Gwestiel managed to calm down and watched, her eyes more focused on Maeglin. She had become close to Thurwething due to training and thus formed an admiration of Maeglin, following him around like a little shadow. He was pleased, I could tell, though he certainly didn't act like it. Gwes herself had certainly become more skillful in her physical prowess than she had been when she first arrived. Her bond with Braigon had grown strong and had formed into a trustful relationship that made them into one unit when they trained. Neither were at their full potential, and probably wouldn't be until a few years of continuous training had passed, but they were certainly far beyond what most people would expect.

Gwestiel rode Braigon like she was nothing more than a burr in his fur; their movements were enviable for any horse rider, and they moved with a fluidity that showed the depth of their bond. They had even begun working on ways of combat involving complete trust between rider and wolf. Despite her weakness in other things, Gwestiel had shown that she had a wonderful sense of spatial awareness and an extremely good instinct for speed, angle, and direction. She was weak in math and not the best at seeing the big picture of things, but she was certainly invaluable when it came to minute details and seeing the holes in things. She worked with things one at a time, but she was good at what she put her mind to. A wonderful trait for a wolf rider, and Braigon made sure that they were safe by filling in for her gaps in sensing things. They were a team that worked almost flawlessly.

Braigon looked in my direction as though sensing the train of my thoughts, and I gave him a crooked smile. He twitched his ears and laid his head in Gwestiel's lap, still studying me intently. I instinctively reached out to pat his bushy ears, and Gwestiel's hand met mine. I laughed somewhat awkwardly.

"Sorry. I'm just... I kind of have a habit of fondling ears," I said, and she grinned.

"S'fine," she replied happily, then looked down at Braigon who was still boring a hole in my skull. "Do you and Braigon have... did you know each other before?" she asked somewhat clumsily, giving me an uncertain look, and I gave her a faint smile.

"In fact, yes. He was one of the original Faithful, as you know, but what most don't know was that he was supposed to be my possible werewolf steed; after all, I am the daughter of the 'lord of werewolves,'" I admitted. "I never ride him though," I shook my head.

"Oh," she replied thoughtfully. "Because you had Esgalnoron, right?" she asked curiously, and I nodded.

"Yes. Because of Esgalnoron," my eyes softened slightly at the thought of the Maia, though pain also shot through me at the same time.

There was a pause, then Gwestiel spoke up hesitantly. "I don't mean to be rude but... you look sad."

I sighed and shifted myself so that I was half-facing her. "Esgalnoron is a Maia," I replied quietly. "And despite that the Valar said that they would respect his decision to stay with me as a companion, sometimes I'm afraid that he'll want to serve some other Vala one day, as he used to. It's not that I don't trust him, but I can't help my fear. If he were to ever leave me..." I looked back at Sauron, slightly despondent. "He's the only reason I kept my sanity during those years in Angband," I finished, and Gwestiel nodded understandingly.

"Because we don't like it when people we love leave us," she said discerningly, and I looked at her again.

"You are perceptive," I said, and she giggled.

"Only sometimes... I can be blind sometimes. But I like to study people when I can," she shrugged.

"I'm honored to be a test subject," an amused smile passed my mouth as she blushed.

"O-oh, I mean, I didn't mean..."

I laughed, cutting her off. "Relax Gwes, I know exactly what you mean. I have to do it all the time," I chuckled, and she grinned sheepishly as I glanced over her again. She was getting close to her majority now, both in body and mind, and despite her seeming obliviousness and cheerfulness, I hadn't forgotten that she was an orphan, raised among orphans. Gwes had a very different side to her, a more perceptive, wary, and guarded part of her that was the natural disposition of someone cast into the world from a young age without a firm anchor. She had a side to her that helped her _fit in_ with the rest of the broken, misfit Faithful, as no normal child could. It was both a pro and a con. She may seem innocent to those who didn't know her, but to us, her family, it was apparent that she had a broken, raw edge in her that allowed her to fit in with us and work to contribute to our work. It was shown in the keenness of her eyes and the strange, fitful intelligence that flittered through her face and eyes at times; and the more her body grew into its full curves, the more her mind rounded out with it into its full capacity.

"What do you see in me?" Gwestiel interrupted my thoughts, and I came to to find her eyes looking at me with that half-amused, half-intense gaze that made me quirk a smile at our slight likeness.

"I see many things," I replied vaguely. "I see an almost-fully-grown elleth that has grown both physically and mentally. I see someone who has potential to go far. I see intelligence, and I see wit and a bubbly personality. I see a raw edge amidst the roundness of both your body and mind. I see _you_ ," I said, looking at Sauron again before propping myself against the wall in a more comfortable position.

There was a silence. Braigon had closed his eyes again, slightly growling now and again in contentment at the fingers that brushed through his fur. "You see a lot," was her only thoughtful reply. "Maybe one day, I can do that," she said wistfully, and I snorted slightly.

"You do already, you just don't put it into words," I pointed out. "Your instinct is sharp, Gwes, just not the ability to express what you feel."

"I guess," she shrugged, and the matter was put off. I just continued to watch Sauron in a contented silence, dozing off now and again. Gwestiel left later with Braigon to her room, where Braigon also had a spot on her bed, but I stayed to continue to watch and muse over trifles. After a while, though, Maeglin left, and Sauron and I were left in silence besides the crackle of the fire, the wheezing of the bellows, and the pounding of the hammer.

Then he carefully set away the hammer, and instead began to work with another, more delicate chisel. Gradually, he finished his work, and sat back in a chair, his chest heaving with tired but satisfied breath. I took the chance to stir myself, feeling slightly cramped from my position, and walked over to him. His golden eyes looked at me with a touch of weariness in them, and I put my hands on his shoulders, not caring that he was sweaty. Slowly, wordlessly, I began to work the knots out of his stiff muscles, making him sigh with relief and occasionally groan in pain. I finally managed to get him pliable again, and bent to kiss his cheek gently.

"You work so hard, Ada," I murmured softly, and he tugged me around to the front of chair before making me sit on his lap. He reached up and absently tugged a strand of my white hair through his thin, nimble fingers, pale and calloused. Then he sighed.

"I am fine," he brushed it off, and I reached up to push a strand of glowing hair away from his face.

"Don't give me that," I replied reproachfully. "I care, Ada, and I don't like to see you exhausted," I said, and he gave me a sharp look as he tugged on the silver-grey strand in my hair. Even if it got pulled out, it still grew back the same, reminding me of the drain I still suffered to this day in exchange for Beleg's life.

"Says the one who stayed awake with me all this time until early morning in the forge," he answered sharply, and my lips twitched.

"Is it that late? I hadn't noticed. You're too hypnotizing to not watch, Ada," I said with faint amusement, and he snorted.

"You just don't have the control to leave," he sneered, and I laughed under my breath.

"Hush, Ada, whose fault is that?" I teased, and he rolled his eyes but tugged my hair fondly nonetheless.

"Be quiet," he replied, though the lack of sharpness was unconvincing. "Although now I don't have to catch you later to give you this," he said, and reached behind me to grab something off the crafting table. He handed it to me, and I took it on my hands carefully.

When I looked down at it, my jaw dropped. It was a delicately-crafted necklace. The chain was white gold, but the pendant itself was made of a smoky-colored metal, dull and unpolished but somehow matching the shape of a tree it was in. The tree itself had intertwining masses of roots, and the branches were wide and spreading, though the pendant was only the size of a half-dollar coin. The most captivating part of the tree, though, was the tiny little lamps scattered over the branches, seemingly glowing with real fire. When I looked closely, though, I realized with shock that the lamps were made of Sauron's hair, knotted into bulbs and cleverly melted into the metal branches. It was a personal touch that made me immediately put it on and hug him, burying my face into his shoulder and reveling in the scent of his ashy hair even as I marveled. The tree was an obvious representation of the traditional symbol of balance: Melkor's symbol. Balance in the universe.

He chuckled slightly and wrapped his arms around me, pressing an obsessive kiss to my temple. "I take it you are pleased?" he asked lazily, and I let out an inarticulate noise of overwhelmed pleasure. He seemed to understand, with much personal amusement, which I didn't grudge.

"You are an absolute genius, Ada," I finally managed breathlessly, and he scoffed.

"Of course I am," he replied sourly, and I laughed into his hair.

"Of course, foolish me for making it sound otherwise," I said slyly, and he grunted. Contented silence fell, and I lay there against his shoulder with a smile.

It was only later that I realized that the intricate bangle that he always wore on his arm was my hair intricately preserved into a masterpiece of crystal and gold.

 ** __Break_Dragon_Esgalnoron_Break__**

I hunched over Esgalnoron's back, Faelon safely ensconced in my pocket as I allowed Esgalnoron to fly wild. He was eagerly flapping at an astonishing pace, reveling in the freedom of being able to go somewhere for the first time in quite a while.

Even after staying awake for so long last night and barely getting an hour of sleep, I had left quite early to get a good start on the trip to the Dúnedain village. My leaving had been seen off by just a few, though everyone had popped in now and again to say goodbye to me. Ancalagon had been there on the Wereplain when I left, along with Gwestiel, Braigon, Thurwething, and Kalarion. He had given me a hug and told me not to get into trouble, to which I had merely laughed, giving him a deep kiss and hopping on Esgalnoron before he had a chance to respond, winking saucily as Esgalnoron took off. Needless to say, the rest were rather amused as Ancalagon was left there with jaw propped open.

I looked forwards again and sighed faintly, feeling Faelon roll out of my pocket in order to take a perch on Esgalnoron's head. Smiling down at both of them, I reached up to clutch the pendant between my collarbones in my hand. The glowing pieces of hair cast a fiery shadow on my hand, and a faint but noticeable heat burned comfortably in my palm. Closing my eyes and settling myself carefully on the dragon's back, I allowed myself to fall asleep.

A gentle jolting alerted me to the fact that we had arrived, and I allowed myself to roll smoothly off of Esgalnoron and land on my feet, blinking sleep out of my eyes and yawning. As I stretched, Faelon dropped onto my palm, and I gave him a faint but wry smile, reaching down to pick up the pup Esgalnoron and hold him in my arms.

I began a slow walk towards the Dunedaín camp, noting by the sun that it was late afternoon, and continued unchallenged through the forest. I saw a few rangers in the woods, but they recognized my pale hair and let me pass unchecked. By the time I had reached the village, I was more than ready to put my feet up for a while and have a cup of tea. Or at least water. Several people in the village gave me polite nods, which I returned shyly, walking up to my parents' cabin. Shuffling slightly, I finally knocked on the door tentatively.

The door creaked open, and I met mum's shocked face. I felt my face turn an embarrassed shade of red before I swallowed. "Hi Mum," I said hoarsely, and a moment later her arms were thrown around me as she quivered with both tears and relief.

I hugged her back and managed to navigate myself inside, leaving Esgalnoron to grab Faelon and scamper over to the hearth. I closed the door with my foot and breathed in my mother's warm, faintly floral scent, appreciating the feeling of her petite but strong frame surrounding me again. She sobbed into my shoulder, and I felt overwhelming guilt crash over me like a tidal wave.

"I'm sorry mum-" my voice cracked. "I'm sorry-"

She pulled back suddenly, her eyes burning with righteous fury, though there was also a wild sort of relief in them as well. "How could you leave like that!" she cried, and I visibly flinched, partially involuntarily, partly out of true remorse, and a good chunk because my emotionless assassin self would not be appreciated. "I was scared to death about you, and you left so suddenly that I didn't know _what_ to think!" she threw down the rag in her hands, putting her hands on her hips and pinning me under that terrifying, wonderfully familiar glare. "How could you be so selfish and unthinking, Celine Gray!"

A pair of hands landing on her shoulders made her stop short and close her eyes, taking in a deep breath and trembling under Ciaran's hands. I looked up at met Dad's eyes, mine shimmering with tiny tears. I gave him a wobbly smile, and he returned it with a warm, welcoming one. "Honey, she knows," he murmured softly in Mum's ear. "Look at her. You're still her mother, and despite all, she knows it in her heart," he said, and I felt Mum's eyes on me as I shakily wiped away my tears with voluminous sleeves.

"I'm sorry dear," a moment later she was hugging me warmly, remorse in her voice. "I didn't think that you'd be... I didn't think about you," she sighed, and I hugged her back.

"I know, Mum. I know what I did was selfish, and I won't ask you to excuse it," I replied brokenly. Then I took a deep breath and recovered myself, pulling away. "But look at this way, Mum: you've got a long-time assassin quivering at your wrath," I said with a straight face, and she glared at me though amusement gleamed in her dark eyes.

"You'd better," she replied sternly, and I smiled wanly.

"I wouldn't dream of doing otherwise, Mum," then I turned my attention to Dad, bowing slightly. "Hello, Dad," I said softly, and he held out his arms. I stepped forwards readily and nestled in them, feeling his hand on my head.

"Welcome home," he replied simply, and I smiled.

"Thank you," I replied, and then pulled back, looking at them both. "Can we sit down and just... catch up?" I asked with a crooked smile, and soon I was cradling a mug of steaming tea in my hands next to the fire. Dad had stirred the ashes, calling forth a more steady blaze to ward against the threatening evening.

Esgalnoron morphed into his Elf form, receiving warm greetings from both Mum and Dad, which he returned just as warmly and respectfully. Faelon was introduced, though Dad took more interest in him than Mum. I chuckled at the vibrant fireball, then turned back to my parents with a deep breath.

"I know left precipitately," I said slowly, looking down at Esgalnoron and drawing a hand through his long hair as he leaned against my leg. He grunted, eyes closed, as I went on. "However, I was rather unstable at the time," I continued grimly. "I just... I felt ashamed and weak, and unable to face both of you because of my shame and emotional turmoil. Thankfully I've stabilized, but there are a few more things I need to come clean about, and also I've got loose ends to tie up - plus, business," I sighed, and pursed my lips, looking to my parents. They looked at me calmly but intently.

"Firstly, I know it isn't easy for you to look at me as Caladiel, and I want you to know that you don't have to. You're my parents, and I don't mind if you just treat me as Celine. I may be a little different from the Celine I once was, but I'm still here. It's still me. Just please, keep in mind that you're the only ones who look at me that way," I smiled faintly, which they returned with nods.

"Secondly, I mentioned last time that I was married; and I am. I have reunited with my husband and have resumed my relationship with him happily," I said, lifting my hand, and though they looked somewhat robotic at that, nodded anyway. "I know it's hard to get used to, but- well, I'll leave that for a bit later," I said vaguely. "I've also managed to catch up with the people I needed to, and have settled in with my family once more in the Haven of Faith at the base of Carn Dûm," I said slowly, continuing to explain about who all was my family and what we did. That they understood readily, listening interestedly, and to my satisfaction looking pleased.

"Now, however, I have come back not only because I love you and I needed to, but also because I have a few hurdles to jump," I set down my now-empty mug and leaned forwards, rubbing my face with my hands. Then I looked up. "Dad, you've read the books," I said flatly, and he looked at me calmly, nodding. "I think perhaps you know what I'm about to say," I said resignedly, and he looked at me intensely for a few moments before slowly shaking his head.

"I thought I did, but now I'm not so sure," he replied quietly, and I gave him a look of both surprise and respect.

"And what did you think I'd ask?" I asked mildly, and he gave me a steady look.

"Not to change a certain event," he replied without apparent emotion, and I nodded slowly. Mum sat back, clearly having talked about the issue with Dad before.

"You're my Dad. I have no right to tell you what you can and can't do, and I'm not going to do that. But even though I'm walking a thin line here, I feel like I need to at least warn you of something," I replied, not disclosing any emotion. "What you do is ultimately up to you, and I won't try to stop you; however, neither will I be around to see it happen. Back when I was still the head assassin for the enemy, I did a little tampering with a mission under the radar."

My fingers tented before my mouth as I went on. "Because of what I hold-" I gestured to myself, "-I had the ability to see souls and even touch tainted ones, because the purity in me wanted to fix the impurity and imperfection that I saw in other things. However, pure souls I could but see. When Túrin accidentally killed Beleg, I was on hand at the time, and for the first and probably last time, touched a pure soul. I physically wrestled Beleg Cúthalion's soul back into his body from fleeing to the Halls of Mandos," I said grimly, and saw Mum's enthralled face. Dad was expressionless still, though his gaze never left me.

I returned his stare evenly but respectfully. "It took a toll on me. It drained my very life energy, and I still suffer from it to this day, proved by this," I lifted the grey lock of hair on my head, seeing both of them look at it. "I paid a heavy price in exchange for his life, and I want to warn you Dad, that I _know_ what you want to do. And believe me, if I were in your position I would too. That's why I'm going to do one thing," I straightened and looked at them both gravely. "If you choose to stay and do something, I will respect that. However, it may cost you your life in exchange for his, because death can never be cheated, only supplemented. In the stead of Beleg's death, I died. Yes, because of the Flame within me I still lived on - but you have to see that at that moment, I still _died._ It was an _exchange_ for his life, and my life energy still isn't returned to me. If you will take that risk, and risk changing history in a way that might not be good, then I leave you to the dignity of your choice; but I will also offer you an alternative. I ask you and Mum to consider the option of moving to the Haven of Faith. You would be welcome there, and your skills would be appreciated among us. If you want a way to escape temptation, this is it," I said baldly, spreading my hands in a simple gesture of handing the decision to them.

Mum gasped, and I could see that even Dad was shaken. Both of them seemed to sit there in shock, while I gently held Esgalnoron's hand as he nodded at me approvingly. He seemed unsurprised at my offer, though I hadn't said anything to anyone about it, but he knew me better than I knew myself sometimes.

Finally, Dad spoke. "I- I'm not sure-" he said hesitantly, and I shook my head.

"There's no rush to make a decision, Dad. Talk with Mum about this. Just come to a decision together, and when you are certain, I will be here whatever that answer will be," I raised my hands placatingly. "I'm planning to stay here for at least a week or two, if you'll have me," a faint smile quivered on my lips, and Mum immediately assured me that I would be welcome.

Dad looked to me, and his eyes softened. "I will admit, I greatly wish to see your home and the Faithful," he admitted, running a hand through his hair. "But as much as I want to live with you, you know that I have ties here too strong to just leave," he said, and I nodded.

"Oh yes, I know very well," I agreed. "That's why I say to please just take time and think about it. Even if you don't want to live at the Haven of Faith, know that you and Mum are more than welcome to visit," I said with a faint smile. "Either way, we would be glad to have you."

"Well I, for one, think it's a good option," Mum declared decidedly. "I know that I would like it, but I have also come to like it here well enough," she shrugged. "I will leave it to your father," she said, and I nodded.

"Oh, and by the way Mum, I'd also like to ask if you don't mind if I invite someone to bunk with me," I said with an amused smile.

She gave me a curious look. "Who might that be?" she asked, and I scooped up Faelon.

"I'll show you," I replied with a slight chuckle, just as my fireball expanded. Sauron's face appeared several moments later, looking unimpressed.

"Already? I would think you'd be used to be away from me," he deadpanned, and I snorted as Mum and Dad looked lost.

"Oh hush Ada. I need to talk to Gwes," I replied, and he raised an eyebrow.

"I assume you've made sure to keep my gift safe?" he said, ignoring my request for a moment, and I laughed saucily.

"Wouldn't dream of losing it, Ada," I replied, lifting it for him to see. He nodded, satisfied, then the image swirled until it focused on both Gwes and Braigon. She waved excitedly.

"Caladiel!" she cheered, and I chuckled indulgently.

"Yes Gwes, Braigon. You still wanna come?" I asked, and she nodded.

"Yes!" she replied, and I slipped between my parents.

"Say hi to my Mum and Dad. You'll be staying at their house if they agree," I replied, and Faelon expanded to show them. Mum smiled immediately at the elleth, while Dad looked faintly uncomfortable. I grinned and threw an arm around his neck, while he sent me a faint smile, bright blue eyes wrinkling at the corners warmly.

"Why hello dear! I've heard so much about you," Mum said, and Gwes laughed shyly.

"Thank you m'lady," she replied, and Mum waved it off.

"You are welcome to stay here," she said kindly, and Gwestiel brightened.

"Thank you! We will be there tomorrow," she said cheerily, and Mum nodded as I caught their attention.

"Just be careful Braigon, alright? Avoid Bree, alright?" I said, and the Wolf nodded before we waved and Faelon shrank again.

"How will they get here?" Mum immediately asked, and I chuckled.

"Well Gwestiel could ride Braigon here, but most likely she'll coerce Kalarion into giving her a ride," I replied amusedly, and she gave me a shocked look.

"Ride? Isn't it dangerous?" she asked worriedly, and I laughed.

"Don't worry Mum, Gwestiel is nearly at her majority and knows how to defend herself well. Besides, Braigon is a giant werewolf and will take care of her well. They are messengers of our group anyway, so they know how to travel long distances often," I said comfortingly, and though unconvinced, she sighed and nodded.

"The room is ready whenever you want to retire," was all she said, and I thanked her softly, returning to my chair as Esgalnoron leaned against me comfortably and Faelon perched on his shoulder.

"I'd be happy if you decided to at least visit," I said, trying to nudge the conversation into lighter topics. "I know Ada would be curious to meet you, and _I_ want you to meet my foster son and Ancalagon," I said contentedly, as Esgalnoron chuckled and spoke for the first time, his husky voice soothing in the warm cabin.

"He would be delighted to meet you, I'm sure," he drawled, and I smacked the back of his head.

"Don't be irreverent, Esgalnoron," I scolded with mock-severity, and he gave me an injured look.

"Me? Never, sister," he said reproachfully.

"Foster son?" Mum asked curiously even as she smiled at our banter.

"Maeglin, and his wife Thurwething," I replied warmly, and she nodded.

"I see," she replied with a nod.

"And what did Ancalagon say when you reunited with him?" Dad gave me a keen look, and I let the heat crawl up my cheeks.

"A-ah," I coughed. "He didn't... say much," I replied awkwardly, and Esgalnoron roared with laughter as Mum looked scandalized and Dad tried to hide his grin behind his scruffy beard. "Great, that sounded wrong," I groaned. "I-it wasn't anything like _that_ ; I already told you I can't afford that right now..." I facepalmed.

"Don't worry Celine, we get it," Dad managed through his shaking shoulders as I tried to glare at them.

Mum just looked like she didn't know what to do. "My baby girl is married," she whimpered, and I bit my lip.

"See there's the problem mum... I'm thousands of years old..." I said awkwardly. "And technically, I've been married for over an Age and a half..."

She glared at me. "Don't ruin my mental image," she replied, and I shut up meekly.

"Aww, is the old married couple still -"

I clapped a hand over Esgalnoron's mouth. "Shut your cake hole Esgalnoron," I hissed. "I don't need you to air all our inside jokes."

He merely snickered behind my hand. "I can't wait until they meet him and get to _hear_ everything," he cackled as I groaned. Dad was laughing in his chair as Mum sulked.

"Forget you, I'm going to bed," I complained, getting up to take the mugs to the kitchen.

"To dream of Ancalagon?" Esgalnoron called after me smugly.

"Kriff you to Angband, Esgalnoron," was my curt reply as he howled unrepentantly.

 ** __Break_Dragon_Esgalnoron_Break__**

I was currently sitting in front of Arathorn and Gilraen, having come to give them my respects. "You are welcome, Caladiel," Arathorn said, his face set but his eyes kind.

"Thank you, my lord," I replied respectfully, and smiled at Gilraen. "And congratulations, my lady," I said, unable to help my voice from showing a bit of excitement because of my fangirling.

Gilraen smiled faintly and placed a hand on her clearly-swollen stomach. "Your words before you left are appreciated," was her only reply, and I allowed an amused smile to curl my lips.

"Perhaps it was presumptuous of me, but I honestly couldn't help myself," I chuckled. "Thank you for welcoming me back. If you don't mind, I've brought you a little proposition as an ambassador for the Faithful," I sat up. "I've invited our messenger to stay with my parents and I for a week or so, and I'd like to introduce you so that in case you ever need to reach us, you'll know who our official messenger is," I said, and Arathorn nodded calmly, though I sensed his surprise.

"Thank you, it would be appreciated," he replied, and I nodded before standing.

"Thank you, good sir, and now I shall excuse myself from taking up any more of your time," I bowed myself out before heading off with a puppy Esgalnoron loping alongside me. A few younger children came out of their houses laughing happily, and I smiled faintly to see them joyous and safe. I only prayed that they could remain so carefree in the days to come. There was a sudden tug at my robe as I paused to let Esgalnoron catch up from his expedition of sniffing flowers, and I looked down to see a young girl peering up at me shyly.

I knelt in front of her with a smile. "Well hello there, beautiful lass," I said warmly. "What does the lady wish for?" I asked, and she giggled, lighting up.

"Can I pet your puppy?" she asked shyly, and I grinned.

"Lemme ask, shall I?" I replied, and turned to the pup that bounded up. "Esgalnoron, will you amuse our little lady and her entourage?" I asked respectfully, winking behind the girl at the little gaggle of children gathered in a group, wide-eyed. A teenage boy was looking after them, and I had to look away from him for a moment. Halbarad.

Esgalnoron barked, running around the girl and begging her to play. The children squealed and rushed to play with him, from tag to fetch. I smiled faintly and just stood by, watching them.

"Is it true that you are the ambassador for the Faithful?" the young boy came up to me, and I turned to him with a smile.

"Yes," I replied simply. "Pleasure to meet you," I said, and he bobbed his head respectfully.

"Of course," he answered, and we fell into companionable silence, watching the children play. Esgalnoron morphed into a Phoenix, but far from scared the children only shrieked louder in laughter and played with his harmless flames gleefully. After a while he decided that a dog-sized dragon was more fun, and entertained the children with his smoke shapes he blew from his nostrils. They sat down to watch his smoke show, punctuated by fire as he narrated the tale of a dragon and his child companion. When the tale was over the children crowded around him as he finally morphed into an Elf and laughed delightedly at their sudden shyness. They warmed up again quickly as he tossed them up in the air, surrounding them with blankets of fire to wave about and half-startle the adults passing by.

Just then, a Wolf bounded out of the woods, rearing to stop his skidding, a petite but wiry figure clinging to his back. I immediately strode towards them, seeing Gwestiel slide off and pat Braigon who shook his head and lapped at the brook water. She turned to see me and grinned, waving excitedly.

"We made it!" she said proudly, and I smiled in amusement. "Got Kalarion to give you a ride, hmm?" I asked, and she giggled.

"You could tell from Braigon's freshness huh? Yeah... I managed to convince him," she replied proudly, and I snorted.

"I can guess how," I winked as she went into a spiel of laughter. While Esgalnoron helped Halbarad round up the children and see them off - obviously having a hard time since they didn't want to leave the novelty that he was - I took Gwestiel to meet Arathorn, who greeted her politely and made sure that she knew she was welcome as a messenger and would be recognized as such. She returned the greetings and formalities with a skill that made me proud.

Esgalnoron joined us to introduce Braigon and Gwestiel to my parents, who seemed stunned by her youth but also quickly warmed up to her. Mum, that is. Dad seemed more aloof. I stood next to him, giving him an inquiring glance.

"A child?" he asked stiffly, and I gave him a considering look.

"An elleth of 156, four years to her majority, an orphan of war born in Doriath, an adept wolf-rider, and an aspiring diplomat and warrior," I replied calmly. He looked back at Gwestiel, and shook his head.

"I'll take your word for it, but I think perhaps you have grown callous in your years," he replied, and though his disapproval disappointed me, I shook my head.

"And perhaps if you get to know her you will see that she does belong," I replied with respect, going to show her to the room we'd be sharing.

I thought to myself, _perhaps by the time this week is over, I won't have to go back home empty-handed..._


	11. News and Moves

_Sorry I'm a little late, this week turned out to be a lot busier than I anticipated. But thanks as always for the favorites, follows, and reviews! Please,_

 _Read!_

 _Enjoy!_

 _Review!_

* * *

Chapter 11

"Well, one week's over. I think I may plan to leave soon," I said from where I lazily lay on my back, voice muffled from Esgalnoron's tail swishing over my face.

A shadow fell over me, and I cracked open one eye to see Mum giving me a raised eyebrow. "You haven't had one week off since you left us, did you?" she asked disapprovingly, and I chuckled.

"No Mum, I haven't. I've had to do a lot of paperwork for my stickler of an Ada," I replied, brushing Esgalnoron's tail away and reaching over to poke Gwestiel who was lying next to me on top of Braigon. "And Gwes and I have enjoyed the meals and lazy time we got here," I added, and Gwestiel agreed sleepily.

"Well you'd better get up for once, because I believe your father has made a decision," Mum said flatly, and I bolted straight up, causing Esgalnoron to yelp as he morphed back into Elf form, sprawled on the ground.

"Stop scaring me!" he complained, and I smacked him as I clambered to my feet.

"Coming," I said hurriedly, then followed after Mum. Gwes, Bragi, and Esgalnoron followed more slowly.

By the time we were all cramped together in the small cabin parlor, Dad was sitting in his chair and waiting patiently for us to listen. Then after giving us a sweeping look, he sighed. "Well, it's been a difficult decision, but I've come to one," he said, and gave Gwestiel a lingering look. "There are several reasons I've chosen to make my decision, so wait until I'm finished explaining," he said, and we nodded.

"I have decided to accept your offer," he finally said, and I felt shock run through me. I honestly did not expect it to happen. He held up a finger and went on as we held our peace. "Firstly, about what you told me, Celine, if it's meant not to happen, then I will allow fate to work as it should. But I will not be here to see it happen either way," he stared at me, and I nodded curtly. "Secondly, I wish to see the Haven of Faith and the members there," he glanced at Gwestiel again, who hid a smile surprisingly well. She knew what Dad thought about her from the beginning, but she had earned his respect during the past week when she had went out hunting with Braigon and brought back home a deer for him to smoke. He still wasn't completely sanguine, but he didn't harbor any ill-will at the very least. "Thirdly, I want your mother to be safe and protected, for a reason I will let her explain," he said, and looked at Mum with a warm smile for the first time since he had begun talking.

She came close to his chair, and looked at him with an equally warm smile. I looked at them wistfully, wishing I could have a relationship like that with Ancalagon right now. Then she placed a hand on her stomach and smiled at us. "Esgalnoron, Celine, you're gonna have a little sibling in eight months," Mum said softly, and my brain shut down. It literally decided to reboot as I sat there frozen stiff. Esgalnoron looked as floored as I was, though Gwestiel was shrieking happily and congratulating my parents. They thanked her, but Mum finally approached me apprehensively.

"Dears-?" she asked hesitantly, and I mechanically registered her statement.

"I - what - sibling - okay-" I parroted, while Esgalnoron shook his head, stunned.

"C-congratulations," he managed. "It's just- very unexpected," he apologized, and Mum gave him a strained smile and kiss of thanks.

"Celine, talk to your Mum," Dad goaded, and I groaned, putting my head in my hands.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I sighed. "I just - unexpected, and I -" I winced, placing my hand on my own stomach as it squeezed painfully. "I'm happy for you Mum, Dad, and yes, you will be well protected at home," I managed, swallowing the groans of pain that rose to my lips. I looked up at Mum, and I think she saw the sudden burst of protectiveness that flashed through my eyes.

"Are you alright, dear?" she asked softly, and I smiled, pressing her hand as I hugged her gently.

"Just an old pain," I replied softly, then pulled back to smile at her genuinely. "I'm happy for you and Dad, I really am," I said, but she frowned.

"But darling, you'll have a little sibling!" she said, and I gave Dad an agonized glance, to which he sighed and came up behind Mum, wrapping an arm around her waist.

"She's happy, dear, believe me, but I know how she feels. She's biased because she can't help but look at how she turned out, and she doesn't want that to happen to her new little sibling. She's panicking as much as I am how to keep you and the baby safe," he said softly, and Mum looked back at me, understanding dawning on her face.

"I really am happy, Mum, I promise. I just... I can't help my paranoia-" I winced again and pressed my fist to the shooting pain in my lower abdomen. "But I'm glad you've chosen to come. You'll be safe there, in the very heart of our fortress under guard, with two experienced healers to help you if needs be," I said, not bothering to hide the relief that the idea gave me.

"Exactly," Dad said, and Mum sighed, rolling her eyes.

"I'm not glass," she protested, and we gave her identical looks.

"We ain't in the age of hospitals and surgeons, Mum," I replied, and she shook her head.

"I grew up in a world without one, honey," she replied, and Dad chuckled.

"But she hasn't and I don't care either way," he replied, kissing her temple.

Mum ignored Dad and took my hand. "You're hurting," she said, eyebrows furrowing. "Don't give me an excuse. Why is mentioning the baby hurting you?" she demanded, and Esgalnoron had to grab me to keep me from buckling.

"I - I need one of my own," I gasped, steadying myself. "It's... it really is an old wound, Mum, I'm not lying. I..." I gulped. "I kind of had a miscarriage a long time ago," I finally admitted warily, wishing I didn't have to tell them this, but knowing that Mum would get it out of me one way or another one day. " _He_ manipulated my body to give me an unnatural desire for a child so he could speed up the chances of breeding Ancalagon and I, but I never did -" another wave of pain. "So children, yes, word hurts!" I yelped, smacking my stomach repeatedly. "Pain will pass, trust me-"

I leaned against Esgalnoron until the pain abated, then took in a shaking breath and shook out my robes. "S'fine, seizures happen sometimes," I said, looking up, only to see that Mum was sobbing into Dad's shoulder. I sighed heavily. Gwestiel merely looked sympathetic, cuddling Braigon in a corner. Esgalnoron rubbed my arm. I touched Mum's arm gently. "I'm sorry. I told you, this is why I will never tell you everything you want to know," I said gravely, and she shook her head. "Mum please, what will my sibling think if you're going to cry yourself sick?" I pleaded, and Dad gave me a grateful look as Mum wiped her eyes slowly.

"Does it happen often?" she asked shakily, and my lips thinned.

"I've got internal injuries and heart problems, so yes, sometimes I get pain spasms," I replied tersely, and she placed a hand on my chest. Her eyes locked on mine as she felt my heart occasionally skip a beat and flutter erratically. Then she pulled away.

"Why?" she whispered, and my face shuttered off.

"Stress and work," I replied, and she looked mulish for a moment before reluctantly letting it go.

"I have already obtained permission from Arathorn to leave. He understands my need as a special case, and commanded me to be the representative of the Dunedaín among the Faithful," Dad said, and I closed my eyes.

"Esgalnoron can take us in two days, if you can pack up by then," I replied, and he looked down at Mum questioningly.

She managed a watery smile. "Well there really isn't much is there?" she asked weakly, and chuckles went around the room.

"Any supplies you want should be available at Hunter's Heath," I replied, and they gave me a questioning look. "Home," I elaborated, and looked around. "Well, I'd advise sentimental things only," I amended, and Mum nodded.

"Just a bag for each of us," she said, and began to bustle about.

"Two days Mum, not today," I called amusedly, and she huffed.

"It'll take me that long!" she replied, and I laughed as Dad groaned.

"Not the entire house, woman!" he complained, and Esgalnoron, Gwes, Bragi and I decided to escape the upcoming argument.

"Are pregnant women always so hormonal?" Esgalnoron whispered to me, sounding spooked, while Gwestiel and I cried with laughter.

"Think of us being on that time of the month for an entire nine," Gwes gasped, and both Braigon and Esgalnoron groaned loudly as she and I nearly died laughing.

 ** __Break_Dragon_Esgalnoron_Break__**

"We're gonna be going to Lothlórien first," I told Mum and Dad while we waited for Kalarion to arrive. We were on the outskirts of the small forest where the Dunedaín village was, while I explained to them our plan.

"Lóthlorien?" Dad sounded hesitant, while Mum looked faintly excited, one hand automatically cradling her stomach.

"Yes," I nodded. "I promised my little prince to visit once in a while, plus I'm sure my king Finrod would love to see you," I said, eyes glowing with excitement. Gwestiel and Braigon looked just as excited as well. Dad and Mum seemed surprised at my obvious excitement, and I smiled at them. "Finrod is like a big-brother or father figure to me. He's very close to my heart and has my utmost respect," I explained, patting my chest. "I acknowledge him and Queen Amarië as my rightful King and Queen among the Elves."

"I respect him as well, but I did not know that you had such a close relationship," Dad said, looking at me curiously, and I flushed.

"Well he did write a book about the First Age, and rather overdid the mentions of me," I mumbled, and Mum looked more understanding than Dad at the moment.

Mum was dressed in a loose dress I had gifted her the day before, both as a gift to hide the signs of her pregnancy but also to give her something comfortable and appropriate to wear to visit Lóthlorien. Dad had received an outfit as well, while I was dressed in my usual unassuming dark robe with the emblem of the Faithful on the hood. Gwestiel was dressed as an ambassador as well. Mum looked confident in her dress, while Dad just looked somewhat hesitant, though he stood straight and tall with his sword buckled at his side.

Kalarion arrived in a massive wind and whirling wings, Mum and Dad watching in awe as he landed and shrank down to an ellon. Gwestiel didn't hesitate to throw herself at him, her arms wrapping around him as she cried in delight. "Kal!"

He stiffened but placed a hand on her head, stroking her head once with a faint smile gracing his face. "Gwes," he replied, and she kissed his cheek before dragging him over.

"Kalarion," I said with an amused smile, and he bowed.

"Caladiel. There's been havoc since you left," Kalarion said with a straight face, but I merely laughed.

"You'll have to try harder than that, Kalarion," I snorted. "Sauron wouldn't let it happen," I patted his shoulder. "But I digress. This is my biological Mother, Joy, and my father, Ciaran," I gestured to them, and Kalarion bowed, no surprise on his face.

"Pleasure to meet our Princess' parents. I am Kalarion, secondary diplomat for the Faithful," he said in his usual mild and unimpressed voice. Gwestiel playfully punched his shoulder.

"My big brother's a softie, don't let him scare you," she laughed, while Braigon snorted and Kalarion turned a severe look on her.

"Don't go about spreading stories," he said sternly, but merely received a smirk. Mum and Dad nodded to him as well.

"Celine has talked about you," Mum said softly, and Kalarion's lips twitched.

"All good things," I cut in before he could make a quip. "And Kalarion is certainly one of a kind," I chuckled, then nodded to him. "We need to make a stop at Lóthlorien. You wouldn't mind carrying Dad as well would you?" I asked mildly, and he shook his head.

"No, I'll carry the three of you," Esgalnoron cut in, morphing into dragon form the same time as Kalarion. "It's easier that way for Kal, and I've got more reserves anyway," he said, inclining his wing. Gwestiel eagerly clambered aboard Kalarion.

"Fine then. Gwes, catch!" I threw Faelon at her, and she caught him neatly, waving back as Braigon lay down beside her.

Then I turned to Mum and held out a hand. "Mum, please let me escort you," I said, and she took my hand.

"Are- I've never-" she looked uncertainly at Esgalnoron, and I chuckled.

"It's like flying a plane Mum, relax," I soothed, stepping onto his wing. "Just follow me, and trust me," I said, and she stepped hesitantly on Esgalnoron's wing. "It won't hurt him," I reassured, and Esgalnoron bobbed his head. She took mincing steps as I carefully led her towards the middle of Esgalnoron's wing, then grabbed her waist.

"Hold on," I said, and she gasped and clung to me as Esgalnoron lifted his wing to even it out to his back. Mum settled just behind Esgalnoron's head, where I assured her was the safest spot she could be, before Esgalnoron inclined his wing for Dad to come aboard. He sat behind Mum, and I stood on his back, wedging my feet into his scales. Dad looked back at me as Kalarion took off first.

"Are you safe?" he asked, and I laughed.

"Not really, but it sure is fun!" I whooped as Esgalnoron took off, prompting a cry of surprise from Mum and a shout from Dad. We made it into the air, and by then Mum looked down with both slight fear and delight in her eyes. As Esgalnoron stabilized, I ran forwards to Dad and grabbed his hand. He looked at me in surprise as I hauled him to his feet. "Cmon!" I urged, and made him walk to the edge of Esgalnoron's wing. He gripped my hand hard, but I bent and helped him wedge his feet in firmly, and he became a little more confident. Then I scampered over to Mum as she looked back at me in wonder.

"The view is incredible!" she gasped, and I grinned.

"I know. This is why I love traveling by dragon," I chuckled, then made sure she was comfortable before going back to Dad. He had gotten the hang of it by then and was walking from one side to the other to look down. He looked to me with a smile, eyes brighter than usual, making his eyes seem to sizzle.

"Wonderful, isn't it?" I asked, and he nodded.

"I can see why you like it," he admitted, and waved back at a waving and whooping Gwestiel as Kalarion did lazy loops and barrel rolls. Mum was laughing, and I felt content as I watched my family brighten up. Then I snickered.

"Kalarion!" I yelled, getting his attention. Mum and Dad looked at me as well before I let out a maniacal laugh and began running. "Trust fall!" I howled and dove off of Esgalnoron's back, plummeting through the air. I heard Mum let out a cry of shock and Dad yell, but I just turned back to look at them in my free fall, waving just as Kalarion swept by and caught me, tossing me into the air again as I yelled giddily before landing on his back. There I did a dance with Gwestiel before the dragons drew alongside each other and I made a flying leap from Kalarion's back to grab the tip of Esgalnoron's wing and hung there by both hands, flipping myself upside down so that I was hanging by my legs off his wing. I spread my wings and looked at the world upside down, laughing, before Dad ventured onto the wing and hauled me up.

Mum shook her head at me as I whirled around Dad back on Esgalnoron's back. Gwestiel kept getting tossed about the air by Kalarion, shrieking in glee as Braigon stayed safe and sound behind Kalarion's head, dozing off unconcernedly.

"You seem so... cavalier about your lives," Dad said uncertainly, glancing at me as he sat behind Mum again. I flopped down next to them and shook my head.

"No, Dad, we are not. We know how precious life is. However, all of us Faithful are addicted to adrenaline rushes because of being in battle so much. And also, we trust each other with our lives because of what we've been through. When I seem reckless, it's because I know I can either trust someone else to catch me, or because I know what I can do and I am doing it confidently," I replied, patting his hand. Then I sat back up and pointed.

"Mum, see that golden-green patch?" I pointed, and she peered before nodding. "That's Lóthlorien," I said, and watched their reactions of amazement with a relish.

We landed twenty minutes later, circling to the ground. I helped Mum off politely, and Dad followed as Kalarion morphed into Elf form and Esgalnoron shrank. I pulled my hood over my head as Esgalnoron landed on my shoulder. Gwestiel had mounted Braigon, who was eager to run, prancing.

"Whoa Bragi," Gwes chuckled, patting his neck. "Relax."

"Come, Mum, Dad," I said calmly, beckoning. They followed, and we strolled through the small distance we had to get to the actual city. We had landed on the very outskirts of Caras Galadhon itself, so none of us were surprised when the Galadhrim showed up. An ellon appeared with pale hair and an unmistakable face, making me inwardly shriek in excitement whereas outwardly I approached and bowed.

"Caladiel Sauroniel, come with friends to visit King Finrod, Queen Amarië, and the lords and ladies of Lóthlorien," I said calmly, and Haldir bowed.

"You are welcome," he replied, then nodded behind him. "I shall-"

"An escort is not necessary, thank you," I said amusedly. "Please, do not leave your posts because of us. We shall have a comfortable stroll," I said, and although hesitant, Haldir gave in and bowed before leaving.

Mum and Dad were wise enough not to say anything, though Mum did laugh silently when we got to the gates of the city. "Haldir?" she asked me, and I grinned back at her. Dad just rolled his eyes at us. Esgalnoron snorted a plume of fire, and I held his maw gently shut.

"Esgalnoron," I chided, and he curled around my neck in reply. Kalarion had his hands shoved in his pockets as he sauntered next to Gwestiel, as always. Gwes was looking around excitedly, while Kalarion pointed out sights patiently. Mum and Dad admired the city in their own way as well, obviously overwhelmed by the atmosphere.

We finally reached the center talan, and I paused for a moment. "I don't want Mum walking up all these stairs," I explained, and Esgalnoron morphed into a human with his dragon wings. "Your son will fly you up gently and comfortably," I told her with a smile, and Dad readily let her go. She hesitantly clung to Esgalnoron's neck as he picked her up princess style and began to slowly fly up, keeping even with us as we began the climb. We reached the top in various states of breathlessness, to Mum's amusement. Esgalnoron set her down carefully, and she thanked him warmly, to which he merely chuckled and bowed.

Everyone looked around, awed at the surroundings and not a little intimidated. Again, the four royals descended the stairs, while I struggled to acclimate to the feeling of the Flame consuming me inwardly again. It wasn't unpleasant at all, but it was a bit hard to get used to and was easily overwhelming. We bowed half involuntarily and half respectfully to the royals, who appeared into clarity and smiled at us in welcome.

"You are welcome, Alassiel, Ciaran, to Lóthlorien," Galadriel said softly, and nodded to me. "Caladiel. Esgalnoron, Kalarion," she acknowledged, then smiled at Gwestiel and Braigon. "And you as well, Braigon, young Gwestiel."

Finrod came forwards to hug me, and I pulled back as my hood fell off of my head. Mum and Dad seemed startled at the blue sheen that surrounded me and the brighter burn of my eyes. "Caladiel! I did not expect to see you so soon," he said warmly, and I laughed and curtsied.

"My lord, my lady," I replied. "I did not either, but I wished to both introduce you to some special people to me and also keep my promise to my little prince," I replied, and he brushed back my hair with a fond smile as always.

"Of course. Come, let us adjourn to the parlor," he said, and led Amarië as we walked there. Gwestiel was bouncing on Braigon with excitement.

We arrived and sat, Mum and Dad silent and overwhelmed. I spoke up almost immediately. "Lord Finrod - I do not believe I have told you that my biological parents lived here in Middle Earth," I said calmly, and had the pleasure of seeing him give me a surprised look.

"No indeed, you did not. I believe the last I heard of them was when you mentioned that they were most likely dead," he replied, and I chuckled.

"Well considering that the 'last time' as you put it was in the First Age, it might be more accurate to say that they weren't born yet," I replied, and Finrod raised his eyebrow as I laughed delightedly. Amarië and Celeborn looked confused while Galadriel just smiled knowingly at me. "No jest, my lord," then I sobered. "Actually, I am able to exist at any time in the history of Middle Earth because of my heritage," I said. "This, my lord, is my father and mother," I said calmly, and saw the surprise flit across their faces. "My mother Joy or Alassiel, and my father Ciaran of the Dunedaín. I am of the line of Beren and Lúthien, with the blood of Maiar, Elfin, and Man in me," I smiled at Dad, who inclined his head back.

Finrod smiled brightly. "And I have always sworn friendship to their line," he replied, grasping my Dad's wrist in the Warrior's clasp. "It is a pleasure to meet you, Ciaran," he said, and Dad nodded somewhat awkwardly but as stoically as a Dunedaín usually was.

"My honor as well, lord Finrod," he replied gravely.

"It is my honor to meet the mother of the one my husband considers a daughter," Amarië hugged Mum, who returned the greeting just as gracefully.

Just then, footsteps caught my ears, and I stood to meet Prince Findalaurë. Mum and Dad looked in surprise as the little prince came in, skidded to a halt, then caught sight of me and squealed, pitching himself into my arms as I laughed. I hefted him up and whirled around in a dance as he shrieked with laughter.

"See my prince, I didn't forget you," I said, kissing his cheek gently. He hugged my neck happily.

"I knew you wouldn't, onónë!" he replied confidently, and I sat down as my hands began to shake and lose their grip. He looked curiously at Mum and Dad, who bowed to him respectfully. "Who are they, onónë?" he asked curiously, and I smiled.

"That, my little prince, is my Mum and Dad," I replied, and he turned his wide blue eyes to me, tilting his head.

"But you're my onónë," he wrinkled his nose, and I chuckled, tapping the button nose.

"Of course prince, but not by blood. They are my parents by blood," I explained, and his face cleared.

"Oh, I see," he said contentedly, then waved at them.

"Caladiel is my onónë too!" he said proudly, making Mum laugh as Dad smiled faintly.

"Of course Prince," Mum replied, and I introduced Gwes to Findalaurë, who immediately found a friend in the bubbly elleth.

We sat and talked a while contentedly until evening, when Findalaurë fell asleep in my lap and I begged to look after him till morning. Finrod sighed but granted my request with a kiss to my forehead. Of course, everyone got their own rooms, Mum and Dad in one, Kalarion in another, Faelon, Braigon and Gwes in a third, and Esgalnoron and I in Findalaurë's nursery.

Bidding everyone goodnight, I walked Mum and Dad to their room with Findalaurë cradled in my arms. Mum looked at me with a sigh as she turned into the room. "They love you very much," she said softly, and I looked at her with softened eyes.

"They saved my soul, Mum. I owe Finrod so much," I whispered, and she nodded.

"I know," she stroked my cheek. "I see it." Then she turned into the room as Dad gave me a fleeting kiss to the hair. I turned away and walked to the nursery quietly, rocking Findalaurë as he slept on peacefully, his golden hair a cherubic halo about his fair face. I kissed his hair before setting him down on his bed, curling up next to Esgalnoron on the cot in the room.

"Good night, Esgalnoron," I murmured, and he curled up in wolf form next to my chest.

~Home tomorrow.~

 ** __Break_Dragon_Esgalnoron_Break__**

"Poor Findalaurë," Mum sighed as she looked down from Esgalnoron's back at the passing plains. "He didn't want you to leave," she addressed me, and I humphed.

"Not my fault; Finrod has filled that poor child's mind with fanciful fairytales of me," I grunted, and Mum laughed lightly, patting my hand.

"Your younger sibling will look up to you the same way you know," she said, and I gave her a measuring look.

"And Esgalnoron too. There's no me without him," I said, and she nodded.

"Of course," she replied with a smile.

"Then I'll grudgingly concede," I grumbled, causing her to turn away to hide her smile. Dad was peering off into the distance, where the faint outlines of Carn Dûm were visible. Kalarion pulled up beside Esgalnoron, and Gwestiel pointed to the wide, empty plain at the base of the mountain as she shouted across the gap of howling wind: "Hunter's Heath!"

Dad and Mum looked to me inquisitively, prompting me to explain the origins of the name. Then I flicked Eagalnoron's ear lightly. "Circle low once, eh?" I asked, and he whipped his tail in understanding as we approached the black fortress slowly. Kalarion followed as we circled the fortress once, slowly, then veered towards half-way up the mountain where there was a large plateau that the dragons liked to claim as their lookout. Esgalnoron and Kalarion landed smoothly, the other dragons gathering around curiously while I motioned for Gwes, Bragi, Mum and Dad to stay put. I slid down and lifted up a hand, asking for a platform. To my surprise, it was Jura who answered, letting me sit on his head.

"Hey yo!" I yelled, and was rewarded by the dragon-y chuckles the others presented. Ancalagon wasn't there, which wasn't surprising to me since he was mostly at the fortress anyway. "Guys, we've got two new members of the Faithful!"

Jura flicked a curious eye up at me. "This is Alassiel and Ciaran, members of the Dunedaín, now representatives of the Men of the North for the Faithful, and my biological parents," I introduced with a flourish, and immediately the dragons turned to Mum and Dad to incline their hands.

"Welcome," Elboron stated mildly, and Mum and Dad bowed back. Mum looked less-than-thrilled, since she had never really been a big fan of dragons very much, but smiled nonetheless.

"Mum, Dad, this is Jura I'm using as a stool- ow!" Jura flicked me with his ear as I grinned back unrepentantly and the others snickered. "The golden one over there is Glaurthag, the blue one is Elboron - who also happens to be the best-mannered one of this lot - and you already know Kal," I nodded, ignoring the protests that went around.

"Also guys, please try to be in Elven form around Mum when you can. She has a great fear of lizards, snakes, worms, and dragons," I said, and Mum flushed in embarrassment though the dragons merely nodded casually. Then Jura tossed me to Esgalnoron, and we headed off again.

"Celine-"

"Mum, don't worry. Not everyone likes the dragons, and they're used to being Elven much of the time for others' sakes," I reassured, and she looked mollified.

We landed and disembarked. "This is Wereplain, known because Braigon and Esgalnoron like to sprint across it quite a bit," I chuckled as Gwes yelped when Braigon broke into a full pelt to work off his huge metabolism. Kalarion sauntered up, politely ignoring the double-takes Mum and Dad gave him. It took time to get used to it, as I well knew.

"I can hear Sauron yelling from here," Kal grumbled, and I sighed, punching the bridge of my nose.

"Was he always like this?" I grouched in reply, and Kal snorted. "You're right, it's a rhetorical question," I agreed, then motioned to my parents. "Come, we shall enter," I smiled, heading towards the gate. Norgaladir came up to the door just as we arrived, making Mum gasp faintly and Dad fidget slightly.

"Yo Nor!" I saluted, and he snapped his whip in greeting.

"Phanairusssssshir is being chewed out by Ssssauron," he mourned, and I threw my hands up.

"Great, open up the doors for us eh? I'll go see what's the deal," I promised, and he peered at Mum and Dad. "Ciaran and Alassiel, my parents and new representatives of the Dunedaín in the ranks of the Faithful. Mum, Dad, this is Norgaladir, who was once my right-hand Balrog in the First Age," I chuckled, and Norgaladir nodded to them once before pushing at the doors. They opened easily under his strength, and we strolled in easily. Norgaladir went into another hall while I led Mum and Dad down the hall to the forges, Kal and Esgalnoron following.

"We'll be heading to the forges first. The rest of us will most likely be there," I explained over my shoulder, then entered the forges in a whirl of my cloak.

"Alright, I was gone for a fortnight, Ada. What is it now!?" I cried in exasperation, marching down the steps as Sauron, Phanairushir, Maeglin, Thurwething, and Ancalagon stared. The elves were most likely in their rooms or the training grounds, so I didn't expect to see them in the forges.

"Caladiel. You leave and they slack is what happens," Sauron replied tersely, crossing his arms. I sighed.

"You mean you crack down on them out of habit. Phanairushir, go on to wherever you need to be. I'll take care of this Mr. Grump and whatever papers you missed," I said comfortingly, and he snapped his whip in thanks before shuffling out, passing Mum and Dad with a wide berth.

"Thurwething, Maeglin," I hugged them as they greeted me softly. Then I turned to Sauron again as he stared at me with a withering glare. I sidled up to him. "Missed you Ada," I said sweetly, uncrossing his arms and wrapping mine around his torso instead. "Be nice, hmm?" I asked, looking up at him pleadingly. He raised his eyebrow, unimpressed.

"Simpering gets you nowhere," he deadpanned, and I grinned up at him slyly.

"Ah, but I'm not just anyone am I, Ada?" I replied smartly, then kissed his cheek. "Besides, I need you to be nice to our new members, representatives of the Dunedaín sent by Arathorn," I wheedled, and he sighed, pressing a kiss to my temple before turning.

"Sauron, at your service," he said, shaking Dad's hand and bowing politely but curtly to Mum, who looked bewildered and gave me a lost look as I smirked. Ancalagon wrapped his arm around my waist, and I gave him a swift smile.

Mum and Dad began to introduce themselves, and I felt Ancalagon stiffen next to me. "Relax," I murmured. "They know. Trust me on this," I whispered, and he merely drew me closer into his side to show both his tension yet awareness of what I said.

"So you are her parents," Sauron said, smooth and debonair as always. "A pleasure, I'm sure, even if I'm not prone to sharing," he said with a wicked smirk.

"She's more your daughter than ours, we're afraid," was Dad's half-jesting reply, delivered with a straight face.

"Something to do with charm, I suppose," Sauron replied, and was met with an amused smile from Dad.

"Her stories of you are accurate," Dad delivered a compliment in a backhanded slap that was clearly appreciated by Sauron.

"An honor," he turned to Mum, kissing her hand gallantly. "Unfortunately I cannot say the same," he apologized suavely.

"Pleased to see you again," Mum replied calmly and politely.

"Of course," Sauron tilted his head, then straightened. "If you will excuse me, I must get back to my forge," he said, and turned back to the crafting table where his papers were scattered about.

"I missed you," Ancalagon murmured in my ear just as Mum and Dad came up to us.

"And I you," I replied softly, holding out a hand to my parents.

"Mum, Dad, this is my husband, Ancalagon the Black," I introduced.

Ancalagon stepped forwards with a polite bow but shuttered face. "My honor to meet the parents of my beloved wife," he greeted smoothly, offering a hand for Dad to shake. Dad grasped his hand and looked into Ancalagon's face piercingly, while Ancalagon merely let his small smile hover about the corners of his lips. His ruby eyes met Dad's with equanimity, and Dad pulled back after a moment.

"My lady," Ancalagon bowed over Mum's hand elaborately. "My wife has spoken before of her yearning to see you again," he commented, and Mum looked slightly disoriented. I had the feeling that Ancalagon was _not_ what she had expected in the least.

"We look forwards to getting to know you better," Dad said, though the subtle undertone in his voice was not lost on Ancalagon. He merely allowed his smile to grow, however, and I felt the tension drain out of him. I hid a smile. Ancalagon could see now, just as I did, that my parents were merely being stubborn because of their natural prejudice against anyone who would love their daughter.

"As do I," he answered with a chuckle, then stepped back to me, tucking me against his side.

"Maeglin, Thurwething, come say hello to your grandparents," I called warmly, and they approached. Maeglin had his usual poker face on, while Thurwething looked politely interested.

"We have waited for you to arrive," Maeglin said calmly, shaking hands with Dad and bowing over Mum's hand.

"A pleasure," Thurwething's voice shook Mum and Dad out of their bewilderment, as I thought it would.

"Our pleasure to meet you as well," they replied, and a promising friendship lingered in the air. Maeglin excused himself to the anvil as well, while Thurwething touched my arm.

"Yes dear?" I asked.

"I'm sure you'll be looking for Caracil and Duvainor. They're in the usual sick ward," she replied, and I nodded.

"As usual, you guess my mind," I replied with a grin, patting her arm. "You might want to go catch Gwes and Bragi, by the way. Bragi dragged Gwes off on a run," I said, and she nodded before morphing into a bat and fluttering off, to my parents' clear shock.

"Come Mum, Dad! We'll have to go to the healers' ward to meet our resident experts and get them acquainted with Mum," I said. "Oh, and Ada-"

"Third floor, back apartment," Sauron replied before I could continue, and I nodded.

"Thanks," then I led them towards the stairs, Ancalagon still at my side.

"News?" he gave me an inquisitive look, and I shook my head.

"No. I have heard nothing, and Finrod hasn't received any word from Lindon either," I replied with a sigh.

"I'm sure he'll show up at our doorstep one of these days, just when we least expect it," he tried to console me, rubbing circles into my hip.

"I hope so," I murmured back, then turned to Mum and Dad as we arrived on the third floor. "Your apartments will be in the back of this floor, last door at the end of the hall," I said, pointing down said hall. "It's furnished already and just needs to be made into a home," I told Mum, who nodded and looked slightly lost and helpless. I gave her a sympathetic smile. "Sorry, but we're so used to moving around that we don't keep guest rooms," I chuckled as she gave me a wan smile. Dad looked around keenly.

"It's well built and easily defended," he mentioned, and Ancalagon grunted in agreement.

"Yes, these walls are as fire-resistant as we can make them, thanks to Norgaladir, Rushirithir, and Phanairushir. They're also hard and not easily broken, not even by the dragons. It's not impenetrable, but certainly formidable," he answered professionally, while we moved to the healer's ward.

I opened the door to see Caracil and Duvainor look up at us from a desk littered with parchment. I raised an eyebrow at them. "Nice to see you-?"

"Of course!" Caracil said cheerfully, waving with his blue eyes eagerly scanning us.

"I've got a new patient for you, that I hope you'll treat with the best care you can," I said with a smile. "This is my mother and father, Alassiel and Ciaran," I said, and Duvainor approached sedately while Caracil bounced about like a hyperactive child.

"Oh is it so!? New people to meet, isn't this wonderful! Wonderful to meet you Alassiel, Ciaran - isn't it, Duvainor?" he bubbled, and Duvainor sighed.

"Hush yourself Caracil," he replied mildly, and bowed fluidly from the waist. Dad and Mum bowed back, and I could tell that they could sense his age. "Pleasure to meet the princess' parents. Please come, lady Alassiel," he said politely, gesturing to a chair. Mum looked at me hesitantly, and I smiled.

"Duvainor is proficient in his skills Mum. He's been a healer since before the First Age, and we are blessed to have him. Caracil has the steadiest hands of any surgeon you could want, and they're both battle-field paramedics as well as home doctors. You can trust them implicitly," I reassured, and she took the chair without further hesitance.

"Oh, and I'll take Dad around a bit. We'll come back for you okay?" I asked, and she nodded, looking calm and comfortable as she smiled back. Dad eased his tense stance a little as he noticed the same, and exchanged a few words with Mum before following Ancalagon and I out.

"I think I might get lost easily," Dad remarked with faint amusement, and we chuckled.

"Sauron will provide you with a map to the fortress. After a few weeks, you'll have it memorized," Ancalagon replied, grinning down at me. I slapped his shoulder playfully as he snickered.

"Oi, you stuck-up dragon! Just because I went down the wrong hallway _once_ doesn't mean you get the right to tease me!" I cried in mock-offense.

"You know I'd rather you get lost in my eyes than the hallways, love," he placated with wriggling eyebrows, and I snorted.

"Fat chance, Ancalagon the Black," I replied with a huff. "Go back to your paperwork or whatever you were doing," I shoved his chest as he chuckled heartily.

"Whatever you say, my little wife," he replied amusedly before heading down another hall.

"And don't shock my family by calling me names to their faces!" I called after him, then rolled my eyes as I stuck my arm through Dad's and strolled to the first floor again. "Insufferable isn't he?" I complained.

"I'll take your word for it," was the dry answer as I looked up at him.

"I know you don't really want to like him, Dad, but I do love him. And despite all looks, he is admirable," I said, and he sighed before leaning close to my ear.

"To be honest darling, I already like him. It's for your mother's sake I'm trying to look neutral," he confided as I laughed delightedly.

"Thanks, Dad," I choked as he winked at me. "Any reason in particular?" I finally was able to ask as we approached the forge.

"Well he certainly knows what he's talking about. He has the air of a professional warrior about him, yet I see the way he looks at you. Like you're his only reason for going on," Dad replied gravely, and the smile on my face faded.

"I'm afraid that might be true," I replied quietly, and he looked at me thoughtfully.

"In his case, I believe that's a good thing," he replied vaguely.

"Here, I believe you'll need this," Sauron handed Dad a map, which he received and looked over for a few moments before carefully folding it and placing it in his pocket.

"Thank you. May I ask about-"

I left Dad to talk with Sauron about things and form a better friendship as I went to find Marcaril the loremaster.


	12. Languid Laughter

_I decided to update a little early this time because I'll be away for three days, mmkay? Hope you enjoyed the last chapter. I own none of the songs mentioned in this chapter at all, all of them belong to their respective owners. Hope you had a great week so far, and please,_

 _Read!_

 _Enjoy!_

 _Review!_

* * *

Chapter 12

I sat back in my chair with a groan of contentment, listening to everyone chatter at the dinner table. Mum and Dad had settled in their quarters before looking over the timetable that Sauron had provided. Dad had talked it over with Ada and decided that he would train for combat under Dimaethor and continue to act as a Ranger as well. Mum had immediately taken it upon herself to take care of the fortress and day-to-day tasks, as I had expected. She had been declared healthy by Duvainor and Caracil, who had decided to keep a careful watch on her to make sure that the birth of the child would not have any unforeseen complications.

All in all, my parents had set themselves to making the fortress their new home. Now, at dinner, they were trying to get to know everyone better. Dad already seemed more confident due to the ready welcome he had received, for both his own sake and the extra pair of skilled hands. Mum was given hesitant and admiring looks alike from the others, not used to having an actual motherly figure in the fortress. She had seen it, as I knew she would, and had immediately thrown herself eagerly into the task of making everyone comfortable around her and aware that they could come to her for anything. The fact of her pregnancy was not a secret to the fortress now, and that had greatly boosted Mum's welcome among the others as natural interest and protectiveness had flared among them. It had made me feel that the presence of a child in the fortress might be good for all of the Faithful.

Earlier that day I had talked to Marcaril about the possible whereabouts of Gandalf, but we had unfortunately not been able to come to a satisfactory conclusion. Nonetheless, morale was high among the Faithful at the arrival of my parents, for which I was grateful.

The seating arrangements were usually random, so tonight I had found myself between Sauron and Jura, with Ancalagon across from me. I turned and leaned against Sauron while laughing at Jura's snide comments to Ancalagon. Sauron froze for a moment, then casually draped his arm over my shoulder. I wrapped it more securely around my torso, reveling in the heat that he radiated. Sauron was careful when touching other people not to allow his true heat to radiate for the possibility that he could seriously burn someone, but around me he didn't bother, for which I was truthfully grateful.

"Gather in the forge!" Norgaladir finally bellowed, and Sauron stood.

"Someone get the poppers and corn!" Gwes hollered, and Thurwething and I volunteered to get it. Yes, I shamelessly admit that I had introduced the Faithful to popcorn. They absolutely loved it, and it had become almost a staple now in the evenings.

We all congregated in the forge, and I was relieved to see that Mum and Dad looked comfortable and happy. Esgalnoron had made sure to bring cushions for Mum and set up a little pillow throne for her. What seemed like a hundred beaten-up and well-worn pillows and blankets appeared from out-of-the-way shelves and cupboards and closets, and were soon being claimed and used by various people. Dad chose the spot next to Mum, and the Balrogs sat next to the fire in shadow form so they could be seen and not hurt anyone. Esgalnoron had decided to recline in wolf form at Mum's feet to both warm her and be on hand to explain things. I had decided to sit next to Sauron with Ancalagon's head pillowed on my lap.

Gwes and Braigon chose to sit among the dragons who held a few of the metal poppers, while Maeglin and Thurwething settled with the other elves not far from the Balrogs, who were in charge of some more poppers. Sauron held another popper, as did Ancalagon, and mounds of hard corn were scattered about for people to grab. Poppers were heated, either by fiery breath or hands, and chatter started up with much laughter. Dad, who wasn't far from me, leaned over with a quizzical look.

"Do you do this often?" he murmured, and I grinned.

"Almost every night," I replied. "Sometimes we just happen to fall asleep here and in the morning wake up and get back to it. It's our way of staying close-knit and also being able to exchange ideas, information and other stuff as needs be," I answered, and he nodded.

"And I assume you came up with the popcorn and pillows," he said wryly, and I snickered.

"Of course Dad," I replied, and he chuckled.

The popcorn was soon popping merrily, and once it was done, I grabbed the popper from Ancalagon and eagerly began eating it by the handful as he chuckled at me. "Ai, save me some too, darling," he smirked, and I held a handful over his mouth teasingly. He opened his mouth as I dropped it in, chewing contentedly and looking up at me with his ruby eyes.

"This girl is on fire!" I sang merrily, garnering some attention as I brandished popcorn and laughed maniacally. Mum was already rolling her eyes at me.

"Last I looked you aren't," Dad called back, and I grinned.

"Ada here right now is hot enough to scorch the skin off of someone, there's a dragon on my lap, and I'm holding a metal popper that should technically be burning my skin black," I snickered, and Gwestiel spoke up.

"Wait, how hot can he actually get?" she asked, and I smirked at the innuendo as Esgalnoron howled with amusement.

"Eh, I'm not sure... But let's see how hot he is right now," I said, and grabbed a piece of corn before placing it on Sauron's arm lying on my waist. It almost immediately popped and shriveled down to a black kernel as I whistled.

"Hot as Mordor," I said, impressed, while Mum looked both shocked and scandalized. Dad looked impressed. Everyone else was cackling.

"And me?" Ancalagon asked slyly, and I pursed my lips at him.

"Hmm... You might light a candle," I said dismissively as the others roared with amusement at his affronted face.

Then he smirked. "The candle of your love, sweetheart?" he purred, and there were a few wolf-whistles and cheers. I inclined my head.

"Okay, I have to admit, that's a good comeback," I grinned, and allowed him to steal a kiss and a handful of popcorn.

"Then how hot is the popper?" Gwestiel called mischievously as laughter and agreement rose up again. I tossed some corn in it and it popped. I gave them the 'see look' shrug, and Mum spoke up.

"How do you bear the heat then?" she asked.

"Inner flame," I replied, gesturing to my eyes. "It allows me to bear fire since it's fire that's in me." She nodded in comprehension.

"Anyone got some songs?" Esgalnoron asked, and Caracil burst into a cheerful camp song that the other elves and a few of the dragons joined in on. Gwestiel sang happily as Braigon curled around her as a pillow.

When they finished, applause went around. Then Sauron looked down at me. "And you?" he asked, and I gave him a surprised look.

"Me?"

"Yes, sing us a song you know," Ancalagon agreed as murmurs went around.

"Eh, okay," I agreed, then pursed my lips. "Alright. This is to my family," I toasted the popper at them, which was greeted with appreciative laughter. I began to sing, modifying the lyrics a little to let them relate.

 _All my friends are Heathens take it slow._

 _Wait for them to ask you who you know._

 _Please don't make any sudden moves,_

 _You don't know the half of the abuse._

 _Welcome to the room of people who have rooms of people_

 _That they loved one day, locked away,_

 _Just because we check the daggers at the door_

 _Doesn't mean our minds will change from swords and shields._

 _You'll never the know the psychopath sitting next to you;_

 _You'll never know the murderer sitting next to you;_

 _You'll think how'd I get here sitting next to you?_

 _But after all I've said, please don't forget..._

 _All my friends are Heathens take it slow._

 _Wait for them to ask you who you know._

 _Please don't make any sudden moves,_

 _You don't know the half of the abuse._

 _We don't deal with outsiders very well,_

 _They say newcomers have a certain smell;_

 _Yeah, trust issues, not to mention,_

 _They say they can smell your intentions._

 _You'll never know the freak show sitting next to you;_

 _You'll have some weird people sitting next to you;_

 _You'll think how did I get here sitting next to you?_

 _But after all I've said, please don't forget..._

 _All my friends are Heathens take it slow._

 _Wait for them to ask you who you know._

 _Please don't make any sudden moves,_

 _You don't know the half of the abuse._

 _Why'd you come - you knew you should have stayed._

 _I tried to warn you just to stay away._

 _And now they're outside ready to bust;_

 _It looks like you might be one of us..._

I finished with a melancholy sort of tone, and a thoughtful silence fell, the only sound that of the fires crackling and popcorn being munched.

"It certainly describes us," Duvainor finally admitted, and murmurs of agreement went up.

"It should be our anthem or something!" Gwestiel chirped, and Dimaethor suddenly stirred.

"Which reminds me, I was going to suggest that we all learn a song no one has ever heard before to identify each other with. No one would be able to copy it without hearing it several times, and we'd know it's each other without doubt or question," he said, and a startled silence fell again.

"That's a surprisingly good idea, since it's simplistic but bodes to succeed," Maeglin agreed unexpectedly. "But what sort of song would be simple enough but distinctive enough that _none_ have ever heard before?" he pointed out.

"And I am not singing just any song," Sauron grumbled, and I laughed.

"Well if you'll bear with my voice a little longer, I think I've got the perfect one," I said, and everyone turned to me expectedly. I grinned at Mum and Dad, who immediately looked wary. I began with the softest, deadliest tone I could manage.

 _Are you, are you, c_ _oming to the tree?_

 _They strung up a man, they say who murdered three._

 _Strange things have happened here, no stranger would it be,_

 _If we met at midnight in the hanging tree._

 _Are you, are you, coming to the tree?_

 _Where dead man called out, for his love to flee._

 _Strange things have happened here, no stranger would it be,_

 _If we met at midnight in the hanging tree._

 _Are you, are you, coming to the tree?_

 _Where I told you to run, so we'd both be free._

 _Strange things have happened here, no stranger would it be,_

 _If we met at midnight in the hanging tree._

 _Are you, are you, coming to the tree?_

 _Wear a necklace of hope, side by side with me._

 _Strange things have happened here, no stranger would it be,_

 _If we met at midnight in the hanging tree._

I finished. Immediately, the others began to call approval.

"That will work," Sauron nodded, and the rest of the night was spent learning the song and enjoying fire and shadow shows made by both the dragons and the Balrogs.

I curled up contentedly to Sauron, stroking Ancalagon's hair as he wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his head comfortably into my torso.

 ** __Break_Dragon_Esgalnoron_Break__**

 _An image rushed into vague view, and I fell into it. A picture of a small child came into view, one with brown hair and soft grey eyes, and a happy grin on his small, sweet face._

 _"Ladiel-!" he threw his arms around my neck. "Mama said you were goin' to come today!" he cried happily. "Are you gonna take us home?"_

 _Gilraen appeared behind the child, and looked at me with tears in her eyes as her lips trembled. "Please Caladiel... take him... He will be safe in-" her eyes suddenly widened as she screamed, arching as though she had been stabbed from behind. She fell to her knees in front of me, blood trickling down the corner of her mouth as she stared at me with rapidly-dimming eyes. Then she smiled crookedly before dissolving into dust._

 _"Mama!"_

 _Everything faded, then I remembered myself, hanging by my wrists shackled with iron cuffs on a wall. My screams of pain echoed off the stone, and my mental cries for my own mother rebounded through my head..._

I woke up with a scream of anguish, doubling over the side of the bed as my chest was wracked with the dry heaves. Tears dropped from my eyes as Ancalagon immediately snapped awake, rubbing my back as the heaves subsided. Then he drew me into his arms as I sobbed, burying my head into his neck.

"Caladiel," he whispered anxiously, cradling me tenderly. My tears finally abated. "What's wrong?" he murmured, and I clutched his tunic in my fingers, breathing in his ashy scent.

"Dream," I rasped, and he sighed, pulling back to kiss me gently, comfortingly. I kissed him back, desperately seeking an anchor to reality. Then I laid my head on his shoulder. "I think I just received a command..." I sighed, and he paused.

"Command?"

"Orders from high-up," I replied, and he pulled back to look at me. I stroked his cheek with a crooked smile. "I'm fine. It's alright," I whispered. "I know what to do."

He just gave me a long look but nodded, seeing through my eyes that I was alright. I fell asleep again, feeling both relieved and sorrowed.

 _Why does the poor child have to suffer so? Oh, if only I could change it for you, dear cousin... Forgive me prince Eärendil... I feel like I'm failing you by this..._

 _ **_Break_Dragon_Esgalnoron_Break_**_

Mum let out a low groan and straightened from peeling carrots, wincing as she rubbed her lower back. Caracil glanced at her but went back to muttering over his potion book, while Thurwething gave her a careful look before turning back to her work. Gwestiel, helping Thurwething, glanced at Mum curiously before turning to pet Braigon's head briefly. I was sitting at a desk in the forge along with them, figuratively tearing my hair out with frustration before slapping the papers down and leaning back to pinch the bridge of my nose.

"Are you alright?" Mum sounded slightly surprised, which I knew was also felt by the others in the room. I was usually a _very_ patient person, but everyone has their limits.

"I'll be fine once I take a break," I snorted. "I don't know how this file got so mixed up, but I can barely make heads or tails out of its order or contents," I replied with a heavy sigh, shuffling the papers together and shoving them into a pile. I stood, cracking my shoulders, neck and legs, and went to join her in skinning potatoes.

"I thought you were taking a break," Sauron grunted, and I laughed.

"Well I mean from paperwork. I don't have time to take a break," I replied, and he sent me a glance that I felt more than saw.

"Are you planning to go anywhere soon, Nana?" Maeglin suddenly asked with a frown, turning from his anvil.

I looked up with a thoughtful hum. "Eh... No, I don't belie- forget what I said, actually yes," I grimaced. "I was thinking about going to Doriath," I said with clear unhappiness, scraping the potato with vigor.

"What for?" Mum sounded startled.

"Diplomatics," I grumbled.

"Why do you sound so unhappy about it?" Mum clarified her question.

"Beleg," was my grim reply, and sudden understanding fell in the room.

"Ohhhhhh," Gwestiel summed up our thoughts. "Well that's going to work well."

I let out a _pfffft_ noise. "Yes, that'll go well I'm sure," I replied sourly. "I _really_ don't know if I should go or not. I'll have to think about it."

"Why do you feel like you need to go anyway? I mean yes, diplomatics I get it, but why with Doriath? And if you have to, why you?" Gwes wondered, and I sighed.

"To be honest Gwes, I know I could send Kal, but I just... I feel like it would look bad. I don't look forward to seeing Beleg, but at the same time I feel like it'd be rude and insulting towards Elwë and Melian," I replied in a troubled tone, frowning down at the potato in my hand. I started to absently carve a figure out of it with my knife, continuing with my thought. "Funny thing is, I don't really have a reason to be concerned about meeting Beleg because I've got nothing to fear from him y'know? But... I'm just so tired of having to _explain_ myself. Why can't I just be normal?" I demanded viciously. "Why can't I be just some nobody living with my family someplace that no one would ever bother to look? Why can't I stay _out_ of the spotlight like I _want_ to? Why do I have to even be mentioned in the history books? I don't _want_ to!" I lamented, then shook myself before looking down at the potato.

"Kriffing-" I bit my lip and looked up at Mum sheepishly. "I think I need to stop monologuing when peeling potatoes," I admitted in a small voice. Mum took one look at the poor potato in my hands, carved into the shape of an angry face, before bursting into laughter. Before anyone could ask, I hastily chopped up the earth Apple, earning some disappointed groans as I grinned ferally.

"Sorry sweeties, but this never happened, mmkay?" I asked, then reached for another potato only to have Mum smack my hand away.

"No dear," she fussed. "Stop, and _rest_ ," she said, and I sighed, tossing up my hands.

"Anyone volunteer for tribute!?" I yelled, and everyone gave me weird looks. "I mean for being a pillow for me," I said, and Ancalagon strode through the door.

"Did someone mention pillows?" he asked, and I leaped up to drag him down to the floor.

"Ya. Be a good hubby and pillow me, eh? Rare break - I'll get you off the hook with Ada," I said lazily, curling into his lap comfortably with a relieved sigh. Ancalagon sighed as he looked down at me with an unimpressed look.

"You and your oddities," he deadpanned, and I poked his sternum sharply.

"You are one to talk mister TD and H," I sassed back. Mum paused for a moment before laughing again in true amusement, leaning back.

"Should I know what that means?" Ancalagon asked, while everyone looked to Mum helplessly for an explanation.

"Tall Dark and Handsome," Mum choked, and heads swiveled to me to find me with a poker face on.

"Was that a compliment, love?" Ancalagon's voice was heady velvet.

"No. It actually meant Talkative, Dumb, and Hardheaded," I deadpanned. Then I finally cracked a grin into his stunned face. "Your face is lovely in that expression dear," I purred, walking fingers up his collar. "For being so literally and figuratively hot all the time, that's a wonderful shade of red I think," I patted his cheek with a sly snicker.

"Flirting? What did I do right to earn such a pleasure?" he recovered himself, and smirked back, leaning closer to my face. I shoved him away delicately.

"I really don't know, no lie Ancala. Your courtship was nonexistent, you're always giving me pick-up lines, you're egotistical and altogether a debatable catch," I deadpanned. "But somehow - I repeat, _somehow_ \- you caught my attention."

I leaped up to do an impromptu dance around the forge, singing random songs at the top of my lungs and grabbing Sauron, dragging him into my dance with much laughter. He looked like he was about to protest before rolling his eyes and pulling me into a proper dance, to my faint surprise. Though on second thought, after all he was a Maia. He probably had to learn how to dance before. He led me expertly across the stone floors as I laughed softly, still somehow singing. Everyone was watching with amusement, Gwes actually dragging a magically-appearing Esgalnoron into a dance with her.

The song ended and I bowed to Sauron, who kissed my hand formally. "I finally got a dad-daughter dance for my non-existent wedding. I deserve an A plus in deviousness," I crowed, throwing my hands up and whooping jubilantly.

"You didn't even have a wedding did you!?" Mum exclaimed, and I winced.

"Oopsie, now I've opened a can of worms..."

"You couldn't even have a wedding!" Mum wailed, and I snorted as everyone stifled their laughter.

"Here goes the hormones," I stage-whispered, and Gwes was gasping for air as Esgalnoron groaned loudly.

"I heard that!" Mum complained through tears.

"Yeah well I never had a wedding night either thanks to that Vala-darned war," I managed with a straight face. Everyone burst into absolute hysterical laughter, bending over double in Maeglin's case. Caracil was howling with laughter as even Duvainor's shoulders shook with amusement.

"Well I could fix the absence of a wedding dance," Ancalagon smirked as he dragged me into his arms unexpectedly.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "To what song, dear hubby mine?" I replied dryly.

"Do we need one?" he asked lightly, whirling me around.

"An awkward conversation?" I grinned slyly as he chuckled.

"You're making it into one."

"This is banter, I'm against banter," Esgalnoron whined.

"Shut it, Icarus!" I replied over my shoulder, making him sulk. I yelped as Ancalagon dipped me dramatically. I blankly stared into his face. "Eh, forget dipping, get yourself a cloak and learn to swish it dramatically, then I'll swoon," I informed him calmly.

"I thought that was what I did," Sauron deadpanned, and riotous laughter erupted again. Gwes was literally crying, and Mum had long foregone the knife in favor of laughter.

"This family's sense of humor is seriously warped," I gasped.

"Isn't that because we're warped?" Thurwething asked, tilting her head, sending us into further convulsions of amusement.

"It's not funny that we find that funny," Mum suddenly remarked, and when Dad and Dimaethor came in several moments later, he found most of the forge in absolute hysterics except for Sauron and Braigon.

"Something we should know?" Dad asked wryly.

"Certainly _not_ ," Mum replied hastily while the others somehow managed to calm themselves.

"Actually I was talking about possible upcoming diplomatics," I said, sitting on top of one of the anvils near to the furnace. "What do you think, Ada?" I asked Sauron, who grunted as he straightened from his work at the crafting table.

"I leave this one to you," he replied curtly.

"Where?" Dimaethor asked, leaning against the wall as Dad went to Mum's side.

"Doriath," I answered, and Dad looked at me.

"But you -" he frowned.

"I know. That's why I'm debating it. I feel like I should go, not just Kal, but at the same time..." I grimaced.

"It might give you closure," Duvainor spoke up, giving me a keen look. I sighed.

"You're a healer, you're supposed to tell me that," I said with a straight face, and everyone snorted.

"Yes well, I'm not a healer who has cause to tell you so just for your money now, am I," was the placid reply.

"Duly conceded," I inclined my head.

"Personally I think you should," my Dad interjected calmly.

"Well thank you, now I have an obligation to because everyone is sided against me," I crossed my arms with a juvenile pout.

"Stop pouting, you're an assassin. Just assassin your way out if it gets too awkward," Mum waved her hand as I collapsed laughing.

"No Mum, don't say that, assassining is technically killing after all," Esgalnoron said with horror as I continued to laugh myself silly.

"You know that's not what I meant!" Mum scolded Esgalnoron.

"But it is good advice thanks Mum," I choked, sitting back up before sliding off the anvil and pursing my lips. Then I sighed, rubbing my arm. "I'm not even gonna pretend this is okay with me, but I'm going," I said, frowning at the floor and scrunching my eyebrows.

"But then again," I said, thinking out loud. "Maybe... just _maybe_... I mean, I am technically quite closely related to Melian and Elwë," I reminded myself, striding over to the furnace and sticking my hand into the flames to grab a couple of smoldering coals and draw them out, cradling them in my palms for the warmth. "So perhaps I could get it for Mum," I realized, licking my lips. "I might have a flying chance to call in a favor," I nodded.

"Why exactly are you holding coals-?" Dad sounded confused and a bit concerned. I grinned at him sheepishly.

"Ah... I have to in order to slake my cravings - or addiction if you want to be brutally honest," I admitted.

"Addiction!?" Mum sounded panicked.

"Mum, I'm not a druggie, relax. Because of the Flame in me, I am naturally inclined towards scalding heat. But since I can't be attached to Sauron or Ancalagon or Esgalnoron _all_ the time, I have to find the next best substitute since after all, eating is out of the question," I sighed, pressing the coals against my stomach.

"Celine, I don't think you quite explained that to us before..." Dad ventured, and I blinked.

"Oh Valar, I didn't did I," I realized with a flash of panic. "I'm sorry, I'm so used to my family knowing since it's not really a secret and a lot of people know and even the history books I read have some really vague mentions of it and I'm sorry -" I paused to take a breath. "Lemme explain," I laughed slightly.

"Please do," Mum said weakly.

I dropped a coal down my shirt and went to squeeze between Esgalnoron, Gwes, and Braigon. "Well, because of the Flame within me, you already know about my tendency to see tainted souls. Even now I'm looking at your souls and I see that they aren't tainted. But I can't reach out and take your soul from your body. Now on the other hand when I was in battle..." I sighed. "I found that the Flame within me seeks to fix what is broken or unnatural. So those tainted souls are not recognized by the Flame. And in order to reach it in order to fix it, the Flame manipulates me so I get a craving for... well, bluntly speaking I want to eat the souls. Which I have before and have eaten my way out of battles as well. Each time I eat a soul though, the feeling I get is like I have a hot pack in my stomach. It's frankly addicting. And if I can't get souls, then I want that heat. Fire makes fire, you know... So Sauron, the First Age dragons (forget Smaug, his fire is nothing compared to these guys'), and Esgalnoron are the only ones who can produce a hot enough environment to slake my craving for heat," I shrugged, then suddenly tilted my head sideways.

"In fact, I might not have survived Angband and sitting in _his_ presence for an hour every day had Ada not been there. I would have been frozen to death too fast without an extra heat boost from him," I remarked thoughtfully, taking out the now-cold coal and sitting up to chuck it back towards the furnace.

"Is there no place that you could go to feel warm enough? I mean this forge is rather warm most of the time," Dad queried, motioning around vaguely.

"Well not really," I replied with a frown. "Except for Lóthlorien. The Flame recognizes Lady Galadriel's power and also the connection to the Gardens of Irmo, so it sort of stretches itself to its utmost boundary inside me," I explained. "That's why you saw that weird blue sheen around my skin, and the way my eyes seemed to glow. It's just a natural byproduct of the atmosphere there," I waved my hand as though brushing away the topic like smoke. Esgalnoron plopped his head into my lap with a heavy wolf-sigh, closing his eyes contentedly. "You are _so_ lazy, you know that Esgalnoron? Always flopping down on my lap," I said dryly, and he snarled, baring his teeth without opening his eyes.

"So when are you gonna go?" Gwes asked, and I shrugged.

"I'm _not_ lazy, it's well-deserved rest. And she is going soon, so that she doesn't lose her nerve," Esgalnoron growled.

"Don't be ridiculous, I don't 'lose my nerve.' I'm an assassin for the Valar's sake," I growled back, tweaking his ear viciously.

"Ai!" he yelped. "Well you don't have to take it out on my ear!" he whined, pawing his ear exaggeratedly.

"AWWW, is my wittle puppy hurrtttt," I cooed, cuddling his snout. He growled in my face, mouthing my nose.

"Aside from your strangeness, that's not really specific," Mum said, raising an eyebrow. I grinned, cheerfully ruffling Esgalnoron's fur.

"Well... honestly I think sometime within the next week is a good idea," I said. "I might have to make a second visit later if the first goes well," I reflected, scratching Esgalnoron behind the ears. He growled in contentment, snuffling and jerking his paw. Gwes giggled, while Braigon whined and pawed her hand. She pampered him too, raking her hands through his fur and brushing it. He yawned and draped himself over her lap.

"I don't think I'll ever get used to this," Mum sighed, and Dad chuckled.

"I don't think we're supposed to," he comforted, and the rest of us cackled.

"We won't be surprised if you don't. We still get startled whenever a dragon or Balrog pops out of nowhere," Maeglin snorted, and everyone nodded.

"Bragi used to startle me badly because I kept panicking when he appeared. Of course, now I know what he looks like and can identify him among a pack of werewolves, so it's not frightening anymore," Gwes admitted.

"Haha, just like my time in Angband," I snorted. "I used to have to remind myself that I was the one feared in there and not the other way around. Sure didn't help my poor heart conditions," I scoffed. "Like remember that time you nearly scared me silly with one of your forms, Ada?" I asked, and he smirked at me.

"Your look of horror was priceless, especially in your other form," he replied placidly.

"Other form?" Mum's ears practically pricked. "You can change like Esgalnoron?" she asked. I winced.

"Ah... no," I sighed. "Right now I'm allowing the Flame to show. It's not always this way. I can bottle it up. When I first arrived, I still looked like this even with it bottled up, but because I stayed in Angband, I became physically tainted. The atmosphere there - it's like the darkness and evil is a tangible shadow that just sticks to you and changes you. Ada didn't used to look like he did, but the darkness changed him. My normal physical form got tainted too, basically painted red and black, but whenever I let the Flame out it negates that taint and sort of cancels it. I use this form most of the time now, but when I was in Angband it was a rare pleasure to use this one," I explained, while Esgalnoron let his tail continually tap my arm.

"And it looks bad?" Dad frowned. I sighed heavily.

"Master Melkor is considered one of the most beautiful beings in Eä, yeah? And when he got tainted it was enough to drive people mad with fear, yeah? So Flame equals beauty, tainted me makes Thurwething look like the fairest being on Earth, no offense. I mean, she is technically the most beautiful being to come out of Angband," I smirked.

"I'm flattered," Thurwething replied with a half-smile.

"And you won't show us?" Dad asked pointedly.

"I was kind of hoping that since Mum will never be in battle she wouldn't have to see me like that and have her image of her daughter forever ruined," I replied flatly.

"What sort of mother would I be if I couldn't love you despite your imperfections?" Mum snapped back quickly, crossing her arms.

"That's not what I'm saying, Mum. What I'm trying to tell you is that I don't want you to see me like that because I. Am. An. Assassin. I use that form for _killing,_ okay? I'm not even going to be delicate about it - I've given people, who am I kidding I've given _myself_ nightmares with what I've had to do with that form! It's my _shame_ , and I don't want my mother who has never been on a battlefield before to see me as a soldier who goes out there-" I was standing by now, pacing and raking my hands through my hair, punctuating speech with my hands. "- and sticks knives in people's _backs_ until I can never feel clean enough anymore!" I stopped in front of the forge, breathing deeply and letting it out slowly to calm myself. I heard Mum's silence, though she wasn't crying.

"Isn't that why I _should_ see it?" Mum finally spoke up quietly. "I'm your _mother_. I will love you no matter what you happen to do, because I can't help it. You're my child," she said softly, and I heard no judgement in her tone.

No one else was speaking, though their interest was clear in the silence. I finally spoke up. "You'll never be able to un-see it," I said quietly.

"I don't care," Mum answered frankly. I debated within myself. Could I? Could I really expose my shame to my mother? I love her so much and I don't want to, but not because I don't trust her. Because I frighten myself sometimes. It's a raw edge in me that, while allowing me to do my job, also made me feel so _dirty._ _His_ cold, clammy, possessive hands had touched that form, caressed that hair; _his_ chapped, rough, disgusting lips had touched that face, that hair.

A hand landed gently on my shoulder, and I recognized it as Mum's. "Why is it so shameful to you?" she asked gently. I heard a few uncomfortable shuffles from the others. " _They_ know, and you call them family. Why can't I and your father know?" she begged, and my one hand crept up to cover hers.

"They know because they were _there_. They know because they still carry the same taint I do. They know because they've _seen_ with their own eyes what I've had to do, what I've done with that form - what has been done _to_ me," I answered stiffly, and her hand clenched slightly.

"To you?" she whispered, voice strained.

"Y'know, with that form I used to sit in his presence for an hour every day for more than a century," I said wearily, sick of trying to avoid the incessant questions. "When I tried to get that mission to infiltrate Gondolin for myself, I had to curry his favor. Did you know that I had to sometimes be the one on hand to quell his rages, or at least stand by until he calmed? Do you know what that means? I can't even bear myself sometimes because of the memories of his hands on me and his disgusting mouth on my face and hair. Did you know, Mum, that I have never felt such shame in my life as I have suffered in that form?" I turned my profile to her, my hair growing black streaked with red, my skin turning eerily, sickly pale, one unnaturally purple eye looking at her face as my lip curled, one fang appearing on my blood-stained lips. "And _he_ called it _beautiful_. _He_ _dared_ to claim it _his_ ," I snarled, voice deep and dark and smooth like a nightmare.

Mum's lips quivered, but she reached out and turned me fully to her, gently grasping my face in her palms. I hissed through my teeth but said nothing, body tensing out of reflex. "You expect pain when someone does that," she whispered brokenly. I said nothing, which was an answer in itself.

"It is frightening," Mum admitted. "But your looks are not what I fear. It's the pain I see inside," she smoothed a hand above my chest.

My sudden, bitter smile looked like a Cheshire grin, I knew. "Your bravery impresses me, but I know that my scars would prove otherwise," I shrugged, ignoring her hands still on my shoulders. She was slightly rattled, I saw, but it went to show how desensitized to reactions to myself I had become that I didn't address it.

"None would-"

"Don't say that unless you've seen them and can be confident about it," I hissed, drawing away and moving closer to Sauron. "You have not seen scars like some of us have, and believe me, I used to believe the way you do. Dad, with all due respect, please make sure Mum doesn't strain herself. She needs to be healthy, and trying to pry into things I have made clear are to remain unknown is _not_ beneficial to her health or the babe's on several fronts," I said abruptly, just as Sauron tugged me by my robe back into himself, wrapping an arm around my torso comfortingly. He bent to murmur into my ear.

"You're growing colder," he warned, and I allowed the Flame to shine once more.

"I'm sorry," I said softly, as Dad held Mum comfortingly. No one else seemed rattled though, which seemed to upset Mum a little more. "This is why I told you I don't want you to know."

Sauron grabbed me by the arms and made me look into his face as I blinked. His hand landed on my face, and I groaned with faint pain at the heat. My face sizzled audibly. "I told you to stop going so far away from one of us for so long," Sauron hissed, pulling his hand away so that a red handprint was left on my cheek.

"What's wrong?" Dad demanded, while Mum looked on, wide-eyed.

"She was alright during the First Age because she was able to slake her thirst for heat more often. Now that she cannot eat, she cannot substitute for the life-energy she lost helping Beleg; and since there are only a few who can produce enough heat, she gets colder faster. Too cold and she could lose mobility," Sauron growled, while I gritted my teeth as his heat spread through me slowly.

"Gah- Ada slow it down!" I yelped. "Can't you just make a lava bath again so you can just throw me in!?"

"Oh, lava baths!" Esgalnoron leaped up, tail swishing. "Those were fun, especially breaking the rock off afterwards!" he cackled, while everyone else shook their heads at our oddities.

"Fine, I'll have to construct one," Sauron replied, annoyed, just as his heat finished filling me and he stopped pouring it into me like I was hollow.

I shook myself with a grunt. "I don't like that method. It makes me feel like I ate too much and want to puke," I frowned at him as he crossed his arms.

"Well whose fault is it that I had to?" he sneered back, and I ignored him as I kissed his cheek warmly and went to hug Mum and Dad.

"Please, leave well enough alone," I advised gently. "You will never go on a battlefield Mum, and everyone here will make sure of it," I said, and she sighed.

"I know," she replied quietly. "That's what scares me."

I smiled sympathetically and curled up next to Gwes again, who grinned and poked me. "Wow, you're literally radiating heat like a fire!" she said, and I snorted.

"I know, I can feel it leaking."

"That sounds uncomfortable," Gwes remarked thoughtfully.

"It is," I replied dryly as Esgalnoron draped himself over me again.

"Ahhhh. Feels good," he sighed contentedly.

"I'm _not_ your pillow," I deadpanned, and Ancalagon sauntered over to shove Esgalnoron over so he could lay his head in my lap.

"No, you're my pillow, love," he drawled, smirking up at me as he reached up to brush my white hair away from my face. "And he's right, you are warm though."

"Good choice of words," I replied wryly, as he snickered.

"Why do you think I chose them?" he replied, and I rolled my eyes.

"Shut it, dragon, don't think I'll buy that story. You have as much tact as an oliphaunt in a glass cage."

"Don't be so harsh, darling! You know you're the keeper of the glass cage," he wheedled.

"Children, I think you've shocked your mother a little too much with your flippancy," Dad spoke up dryly, and we looked to see Mum sulking on her chair, ignoring us.

"His/her fault," everyone pointed to each other.

"Oh shut up, the lot of you," Mum huffed, peeling away at the carrots.

"Aaaaand there goes the hormones," Esgalnoron remarked resignedly.

The roars of laughter that commenced earned him a deadly glare from Mum.


	13. Answers and Adolescents

_Hi everyone! I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while, but I was busy during Christmas week, of course, and after that I got sick so I was too miserable to write anything, and the week after **that** I had exams. I'm at the end of exam week though, so I want to update now... Forgive me? _

_Thanks for sticking with me though, some feedback would be appreciated! I haven't had much recently and its kind of discouraging... But anyways, please, enjoy! Have a great day/evening!_

* * *

Chapter 13

This time, I was only going with Esgalnoron. That wasn't unusual, but I did decide to take Faelon. Thurwething offered to come, but I decided that it would be improper. Eru only knows why my mind determined that, but it did and we went alone. I was half praying all the way that Beleg would not be there, but I had the feeling that that was asking for too much.

By the time we arrived at the outskirts of Melian's Girdle, which I could feel, I was suddenly wondering how in Arda I was supposed to enter with Esgalnoron. Just as I started wondering though, standing right in front of the Girdle, I sensed it part. I glanced at wolf Esgalnoron, who sneezed in agreement. Hand on his scruff, I entered warily with him next to me.

We finally arrived at the center of the Ring, and a huge clearing with a settlement made of white stone greeted us. We paused to look at it, just as a few guards began to approach.

"Quite a fortress, and quite an entourage," Esgalnoron murmured, while I chuckled in agreement.

"Let's go greet them shall we?" I asked mildly, and we met the guards half-way.

"The lady welcomes you. They are waiting," a guard bowed briefly and turned to lead us away, while I grasped Esgalnoron's scruff tightly.

~Mablung!~ I squealed, and he sighed.

~Will you stop fangirling in **my** mind?~ he whined, which I promptly ignored.

We were led through the halls, and I looked at the tapestries littering the walls, recognizing some of them. The thought that I hadn't seen Arwen suddenly popped into my mind, and I wondered at it. She must have been at Lóthlorien, yet I hadn't seen her...

The guards stopped and bowed, while a pair of doors swung open. I straightened and let Esgalnoron regally lead me in, my head slightly inclined. Esgalnoron finally paused and dipped his head, and I bowed from my waist respectfully.

"Caladiel Sauroniel and Esgalnoron, ambassadors of the Faithful," I said quietly, finally looking up to see them. Melian gazed upon me with curiosity, recognition, and some delight, while Elwë looked faintly surprised as he recognized me.

"Caladiel. To see you again is a pleasure, as we did not expect to," he said carefully, and a small smile curled my lips, which immediately quivered slightly at the sight of a _greatly_ interested, pale-haired, mossy-green eyed ellon on guard next to Elwë.

"I apologize for shattering your hopes, lord Elwë," I jested lightly, and Melian laughed softly as Elwë raised an amused eyebrow.

"I will accept that jest as a reprimand for my own impoliteness," he replied, then nodded serenely to his wife. "You are welcome here."

"What business brings you here, Caladiel?" Melian inquired kindly, and I sighed.

"I come as good will and an ally from the Faithful, but more so just as an elleth seeking answers to life," I answered honestly.

"Then you are welcome, and our own well wishes are extended to the Haven of Faith," Melian replied graciously. "I hope you may find your answers here," she gave me a curious look, as though questioning me.

I inclined my head. "If the gracious lady would deign to hear some of my story, I would be honored if she and lord Elwë would be willing to answer me," I answered just as formally, sincerely hoping that I wasn't committing any etiquette gaffes.

"Come and sit, then, and speak, for I will admit to great curiosity of you, and my fellow brother," she replied, nodding to a stool that was set out near their feet.

"If I do not distract you from duty-?" I queried in concern, sending them an inquisitive glance.

"None that may not be put off for a story," Melian laughed gaily, and her voice was like the twitters of birds.

I smiled at sat, while Esgalnoron curled at my feet. "I apologize for never properly greeting you nor lord Elwë," I started, and she shook her head while Elwë turned his head to give me with an indulgent look. Beleg was listening to my every word with an edgy eagerness that made me want to sweat.

"I have read my nephew's account of you," she waved it off, and I blushed hotly.

"Oh please, though he is somewhat accurate, my lord Finrod is overly gracious in his mentions of me," I said uncomfortably. "I suppose I should be flattered, but nonetheless..."

Elwë chuckled indulgently. "Findaráto certainly is Noldorin in his passions," he noted amusedly, while I gave him an abashed smile.

"Yes, well. At any rate, I meant to apologize for my rude entry last time I was here," I said, and Melian waved it off impatiently.

"Peace, child, it is of no consequence. Tell me what you seek," she urged, and I looked down at my hands clasped tightly in my hands.

"I - I came to you for answers because of two reasons. One: because I need to ask a Maia in particular and Esgalnoron knows not because of his early captivity, and also because I cannot find Mithrandir; two, because..." I forced myself to go on calmly. "Because I am of your line. My biological father is the first cousin of Arathorn, heir of Elendil, Isildurchil, descendant of Elros who is son of Eärendil and Elwing, daughter of Dior, son of Tinuviel and thus... Your descendant," I finished hesitantly, and received piercing looks in reply. I blanched and looked down again.

"I don't know exactly how I was able to exist in an earlier timeline, but I was hoping.. I was hoping perhaps that as a distant relative I might be able to say that it is because of my bloodline and slight Maiar blood that I was able to," I admitted quietly.

There was a pensive silence for a moment, then Melian spoke up thoughtfully. "I believe you are right, Caladiel, besides the presence of the Flame within you, which would make anything possible," she conceded, and I nodded jerkily.

"Thank you," I said gratefully. "I am indebted to you, and once again, I apologize for bringing up..."

"You met her," Elwë said distantly. "You helped her and her chosen one," he looked at me again keenly.

"They would have succeeded without me, and I also owe her for granting me the life of my Ada. I might not have survived without him," I said hastily, raising my hands. "I am the one who owes you for my life in several aspects," I laughed lightly.

"But I owe her my life," Beleg's voice made me stiffen, and Esgalnoron pricked up one ear. "I owe her everything," he insisted. "I told you, Uncle, about how she saved me," he said strongly, and I shifted uncomfortably.

~Although interestingly I can now say that it's canon that Elmo was the brother of Elwë~ I mentioned to Esgalnoron, who flicked an ear in agreement even as he raised his head to look at Beleg.

"Is this true?" Elwë turned to me again, and I swallowed.

"I..." I looked aside at Esgalnoron. "I did nothing of my own will... It was only by Eru's allowance that it even worked," I stammered. "It is not to me you owe your life nor any thanks, as I was merely a medium-"

"You gave up your life for mine!" Beleg pressed. "You were the one who released Gwindor and slaughtered the rest of the orcs in order for Túrin to be free. You were the one who brought me back from Mandos. I felt your life energy drain into me," he went on, and I flinched as the grey lock on my head gained attention.

"Please... I do not wish to dwell upon those days... You are welcome for the help, and there is no debt," I said painfully. "Let me instead tell you that I have always admired your prowess with the bow and ask of the fate of Gwindor..." I said faintly.

Beleg subsided at my obviously negative reaction. "He went to Mandos for healing and was reborn. As far as I know, he is wedded to Findulias now," Melian answered gently, and I nodded.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"Do I discomfort you?" Beleg suddenly asked, and I looked at him steadily.

"In some ways, but that is not your fault," I replied with a thin smile. "Also, Lady Melian, lord Elwë, I was hoping that I could ask for a favor," I added.

"Speak," Elwë replied calmly.

"My mother..." I looked away with some slight pain. "My mother is with child. I merely wanted to ask if it was possible for her to come here if anything happened," I asked quietly.

"Your mother?" Elwë queried.

"Yes. She is now with my father at the Haven of Faith," I said uncomfortably.

"She will be welcome here," Melian replied, and I stood and bowed.

"I thank you. I have taken enough of your precious time. Please, allow me to bid you a fond farewell, with respect," I said respectfully, and Elwë spoke once more.

"Do you not wish to stay here?"

"My allegiances and duties lie elsewhere, I am afraid," I answered, and he nodded.

"Very well then. May the Valar guide your path," he said, and Melian nodded at me calmly as Esgalnoron heaved himself up and padded to come up beside me.

"If you should ever have cause to visit Thranduil's realm, give him my name and he shall readily welcome you," Melian added, and I bowed once more.

"My thanks," I backed away before turning to walk out. Once I managed to get out of the gates of Doriath, hood thrown over my head, I leaned against Esgalnoron with a deep breath of relief.

"I don't wanna go there again," I admitted weakly. "I just don't feel comfortable there."

"I felt fine," Esgalnoron mused, and I shrugged.

"I don't why, perhaps it's because of my assassin senses, but I just don't," I tucked my hands into my sleeves and walked on slowly, thinking about the conversation. I knew it was honestly pointless to want to know the answer to the question, but my insatiable curiosity had pushed me to find out if I could. I supposed, though, I should have probably just known that I would probably never know unless a Vala or Eru Himself decided to explain. But hey, I'd been living by faith my entire life so, why not just accept Melian's answer unless a better one came along?

"Please, wait, m'lady," Beleg's unmistakable voice came up rapidly next to me, and I glanced at him out of the corner of my hood.

"What brings you to follow me, Cúthalion?" I replied quietly, not stopping in my slow walk as Esgalnoron prowled alongside with a gait similar to a lion's.

"I wanted to ask you a question," he answered, and I turned my hood slightly.

"Then ask," I replied shortly but not unkindly.

"Why? Why did you save me? I know just as well as you do that death can never be cheated, and I felt your life force draining into my hroä in order to accept my feä again. You died because of me," he said, sounding as though he had been wanting to ask that question for a _very_ long time. I audibly took in a deep breath and sighed, silent for a few paces.

"Does there need to be an answer, oh great Marchwarden of Doriath?" I finally asked, not showing my reluctance in my soft tone.

"Will you not grace me with one, lady of the Flame?" he answered immediately, and I paused, hands still in my sleeves. He paused as well, looking at me, while Esgalnoron turned his head to survey us intently.

"Has Lord Elwë or the lady ever asked you to do something beyond your physical skill?" I finally asked slowly.

"No," he answered simply, curiosity in his voice.

I turned my hood in his direction. "What if they gave you one thing that could enable you to do anything you wanted to, even if it cost you everything you loved, and asked you to do it? Would you do it?" I went on.

"Yes," he replied without hesitation. "They are my lieges whom I serve with my life," he said confidently.

"And if you had never seen them before, only heard of them and been told that you owed them your allegiance because of your relation to them? Would you still do this impossible task, through torment and pain and fear?" I asked mildly.

"I should hope so, though I cannot be sure," he answered humbly.

I looked away again. "Do you admire your fellow guard Mablung?" I queried yet still.

"Very much," he answered admiringly.

"If you had only heard of him, never seen or met him, and heard that he might die, would you save him to the best of your ability if you were given the chance? Though it required your life in return?" I asked quietly.

"I wish to say that I would, lady, but I cannot, for I would not know my mind at such a time. But if I had heard of his deeds, then perhaps I would do all I could," he answered soberly.

"Then you would not lay down your life for a stranger without thought or hesitation, because it is not rational nor normal to do so," I concluded, and he nodded slowly.

"Though it is the right thing to do, it would be difficult indeed," he admitted.

"That is why, son of Elmo, I cannot answer your question in the manner that you seek," I said, beckoning for him to join me as I started out in a slow walk again, Esgalnoron prowling ahead. "How can I explain my actions under such strange circumstances? How can I give you an answer when I knew you not personally at the time, though I had heard of your bravery and skill? How must I answer this impossible question you set before me? I was given a tool with which to complete an impossible task, though all I could claim as my own was at risk, even my life. I had no obligation to, except for a loyalty to Eru instilled in me as a child; and yet when I felt the call, I heeded it. I bent and I broke, I lived and I died. What more can I say, when my memories of you are but few?" I answered carefully but honestly.

We fell into silence once more, Beleg obviously chewing on my explanation. "I suppose, lady of the Flame," he finally said, "that I did not see things from such a perspective, though I heard your story enough to recite it to you," he admitted slowly. "It may not have been the answer I desired to hear all these years, but it is better than none or a delusional fantasy."

"I am glad that no ill will for my inadequate answer is between us," I answered mildly.

"None at all," he inclined his head. "I only regret that you had to do this unexplainable thing for someone you did not have cause to invest in," he reflected, no malice in his voice.

I paused and turned to him, a small, enigmatic smile curling my lips. "Ah, but who said I had no cause to invest in you?" I answered with a sudden laugh, reaching out to place a hand on his arm gently. "Beleg Cúthalion, the best archer in Eä, hero of many tales and friend of the great Túrin Túrambar, slayer of Glaurung," I patted his arm once and withdrew my hand.

"Your generosity is astounding," Beleg replied with a smile and a bow.

"And yet - will you give me your bow for a moment?" I asked politely, and he swung it off his back and handed it to me. "What string is this?" I queried, running my hand along it.

"A lock of my hair," he shrugged easily.

I plucked a long strand of my own and replaced his string with mine, trying it firmly and easily before handing it back to him. "Should you ever need aid, this bow and its string shall be your assurance," I said, and bowed briefly. "May the Valar ever guide your arrows to be true, Beleg Cúthalion," I added before swinging onto Esgalnoron and kicking his sides gently. He growled and took off before Beleg could give me any thanks.

I clung to Esgalnoron's ruff in relief. "Thank Eru that's over," I groaned, and he chuckled, chest vibrating underneath my legs.

"For being so reluctant, I rather think it went well sister," he remarked in faint amusement, barely breathing hard though his strides were fast enough to threaten to take my breath away.

"Bro, just shush," I replied wearily. "I'm already tired and the War isn't even close to starting. My dear, sweet Eru, being immortal is not fun," I sighed, and Esgalnoron grunted.

"Dear, sweet sister, you should probably relax. I know your concerns, but don't you think you should take your own advice and 'cross those bridges when you get to them'?" he suggested mildly, and I chuckled wryly.

"You know somewhat of what I do, Esgalnoron, but not nearly all," I murmured, stroking the fur of his neck. "Perhaps I should change some of that. I'll need someone to confide in with at least a few things," I remarked.

"Just be careful," was his only simple reply.

"Since when have I not," I feigned mild affront as he barked with laughter.

"Would you like the alphabetical list?" he returned, and I chuckled back.

"Despite your sass, I have to reluctantly concede," I answered, voice slightly tight.

""What is it?" Esgalnoron asked, and I sighed as his sprint turned into more of a lope as we exited the woods. I slid off, and he morphed into a dragon as I climbed back on.

"I'm just..." I trailed off. I had learned long ago that keeping my feelings under lock and key for too long was never a good thing. It made me lose focus. And while there were many things I _couldn't_ talk about, I made it a point to talk with Esgalnoron about everything I _could._ "I'm worried, Esgalnoron," I finally sighed, and patted his neck as we approached the fortress. "There's... things coming that I have to deal with that just have me on edge," I admitted, then frowned in the direction of Carn Dûm.

"Land on the dragon plateau, will you?" I asked, and he nodded, veering that direction. As we neared, I managed to pick up that there was loud growling coming from the plateau, along with expanded wings. Esgalnoron picked up speed, and I pressed my lips together as he landed and attention turned to us.

"And _what_ exactly, pray tell, is going on here?" I asked sharply, looking at Jura and Glaurthag glaring at each other.

"This son of a wyrm was saying that I was _too big_ to fit myself into the main gate," Glaurthag growled, and I just stood there for a moment, blinking. Then I shook my head.

"Dear Valar, why do I even bother with you children. Settle your quibble then, just don't do any damage," I said wearily, then waved my hand at them and walked towards Kalarion. "Esgalnoron, you staying?" I asked, and he nodded wordlessly, shuffling over to one of the rock outcroppings and curling up for a rest.

"Kal, take me down please," I said, and he nodded, extending his wing to let me climb aboard. "I need to go rest myself," I mumbled as we landed and I slid off, my very bones aching.

"Anything?" a humanoid Kalarion looked at me from under his pale hair.

"A fragile but existent alliance and mutual understanding, as well as a favor," I nodded back, then walked into the fortress and down to the forges.

Sauron was there when I walked in, and I bee-lined for his chair as he glanced at me. "So?" he asked blankly, scratching with his quill against the paper.

"It's done," I replied shortly, and he turned to me, looking at me keenly.

"You have orders," he said lowly, and I quirked a half-smile.

"One that has been long coming," I answered, then curled my fingers around his. He looked down at my hands, then raised an eyebrow at me at their coldness.

"I'm tired," I murmured in explanation, and he nodded.

"Go rest then," he turned back to his paperwork, and I bent to place my hands on his shoulders and gently kiss his cheek.

"I will. Good night, dear Ada," I whispered, then left to go find Ancalagon and my bed.

 ** __Break_Dragon_Esgalnoron_Break__**

"I almost forgot," I said in sudden horror, making Mum, Gwes, Bragi, Esgalnoron, and Sauron look at me. "Dear Valar forgive me, what month is it!?" I asked hurriedly.

"Two months since your father and I arrived, dear," Mum answered. "Are you alright?"

"I need to go see Arathorn," I answered, flying about and sending papers fluttering.

"You forgot about your orders," Sauron sounded greatly unimpressed.

"Ada dear, I'm sorry, Valar knows," I answered, flustered as I paused by the desk to shove papers aside to find my necessary notes. "And I'm about to rectify my mistake as best I can," I shook my head and grabbed the notes, riffling through them and hastily making a mark next to one of the lines. Tossing it back onto the desk, I hesitated before grabbing my cloak. "And Ada... would you mind if I gave you a commission?" I asked hesitantly, and received a bland look.

"Have you got any sketches?" he replied, and I smiled gratefully before striding over to his craft table and grabbing a blank sheet of paper, making a hasty but detailed sketch. He looked over my shoulder as I finished, then reached around to pick it up and study it as I put the quill down and darted off to tie up my hair and struggle into my cloak.

"How soon?" Sauron called.

"However long it takes," I answered, and he grunted and turned to the task.

"Give me a few hours," he replied, and I nodded back absently and went to find Maeglin. Mum grabbed me on the way out.

"Honey, will you please find Duvainor for me?" she queried softly. "I just want to ask him a few questions," she hastily added, and I relaxed and nodded.

"Alright," I answered, then kissed her cheek and slid away into the shadows of the hall by habit. After alerting Duvainor, who nodded calmly and went to find Mum, I finally located Maeglin and asked him to go with me to the Dunedaín encampment. He stared at me.

"Why do you want me to go, Nana?" he finally asked, and I settled a hand on his arm.

"Did you ever tell Eärendil about me?" I asked quietly, and he hesitated before looking away and nodding jerkily.

"I did," he answered stiffly. "It was what you wanted."

I tilted his head back towards me. "Then, my son, you will know who Arathorn is and why I want you to be there," I said quietly. He sighed and closed his eyes.

"Very well, Nana. But only because it is your wish," he acquiesced, and I kissed his cheek briefly.

"Thank you, Maeglin. We will leave in a few hours, so please prepare," I murmured, and he nodded before I let him go.

After gathering necessary items and shoving them into some of my voluminous pockets, I went back to the forge just as Mum finished talking with Duvainor, who took his leave soon after. I gave her a curious look as I approached, and she shook her head.

"It's fine," she answered, and I let it go after giving her a keen look for a moment. Then I turned her chair towards where Sauron was just finished getting ready to work on my piece. "Look Mum. I love watching Ada at work; it's calming," I whispered, and she sent me an intrigued look before settling herself to watch, my hands on the back of her chair. Gwestiel had already settled herself on the ground against Braigon, watching.

Sauron shed his tunic and laid it aside, then took a pair of tongs and began to melt down a small gold nugget, shifting the tongs in his hands. He took a small hammer next and swiftly set the soft nugget on the anvil, lifting the hammer and beginning to flatten the gold. The effects of the weight of the hammer wasn't as obvious because of the smaller size, but the way his hands shifted slightly at every stroke and the way the firelight glinted off of his hair was no less captivating as it always was. It successfully hypnotized Mum at any rate, I noticed with slight amusement.

He finally set the hammer down and bent down over the table, working with some delicate tools to fashion the gold the way he thought best. Next was a chisel and a small block of beryl to shape. He continued to form and perfect the piece, his face utterly blank in concentration, though slips of hair kept escaping from the leather tie. When he finally finished, I realized it had been a good hour since he'd started, and pressed Mum's shoulder. She started slightly, then rubbed her eyes.

"How - how long has it been?" she asked, sounding disoriented, and I remembered with sudden guilt that watching Ada work without being used to it could suck you in so much that you lost track of everything.

"An hour, Mum. Sorry, I should have remembered that watching Ada for the first time could be disorienting," I handed her a piece of bread Esgalnoron slipped me, and she ate gratefully with a smile.

"I see why you like it," she answered, and I laughed, going to Sauron. He sighed, then turned and handed me the item.

I took it, feeling the heat from his work still radiating off of it, and smiled. It was a gold filigree of a howling wolf, eyes made of pieces of Amber and blue beryl filling in the spaces behind the outline of the wolf to form a blue flame. It was the size of one of my fingers, easy to slip into a pocket. I looked up at him and then impulsively threw my arms around his neck. He grunted in surprise, then placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I assume it meets with your approval," he said, and I pulled back with a laugh and kissed his cheek.

"Of course, as always, Ada. Thank you!" I answered, then tucked it safely in my inner pocket above my heart. Then I made him sit down and braided his hair in the back, tying it with the leather strip.

"Unnecessary," Sauron grumbled, but I smirked.

"Makes you handsome, Ada," I winked, and then headed for the door.

"I'll be back in the evening," I called. "Don't worry about our dinner; we'll take care of it," I said, then grabbed a pocket-dragon Esgalnoron and hauled Maeglin out the door.

"Don't forget to make him eat," Thurwething called after me.

"Melda-" Maeglin's face flushed red, and I laughed gaily.

"No worried about your precious hubby, Thurwething, I promise I'll feed him to the top," I winked, and Maeglin groaned.

"Nana-"

"Oh hush child," I kissed his cheeks and hustled him out the front door to the Wereplain as Esgalnoron shifted, eager to go. He hadn't had a long flight in a week and his metabolism was burning high. Maeglin climbed on, and I followed after. Esgalnoron took off swiftly, and we rode in comfortable silence until reaching the camp of the Dunedaín again. Maeglin followed me, and we headed straight for the main cabin.

"Naneth," Maeglin suddenly said quietly, and I paused to look back at him questioningly. "I am..." he didn't finish, but I knew what he meant. Gently, I brushed his hand.

"My son, you will be welcome," I murmured, and he looked into my eyes.

"For me, or for you?" he asked, and I closed my eyes briefly. Not in irritation, but in sorrow.

"Maeglin, I know that you do not care for my line. I know you do not like Eärendil. But for me, will you do this?" I asked, too quietly for others to hear.

"I did. I told him for you, Nana. Why do you want me to come here?" he asked, somewhat heatedly.

I dragged him aside into the shadow of one of the cabins. "Maeglin, why do you do this?" I asked, cupping his cheek in one hand. "What embitters you against my kin?"

Maeglin looked away. "I do not know," he replied tersely. "But the line of Tuor does not sit well in my soul," he said. I sighed.

"This is my fault," I muttered to myself. And it was. I had saved Maeglin from death. The line of Tuor was to be his downfall through Idril. It was my fault that there was a strain between them.

"It is not your fault, Nana," Maeglin said more quietly. "I apologize."

I sighed. "We shall not stay for too long," I said wearily. "Come," then I knocked on Arathorn's door. There was some noise from within before the door opened, and Gilraen stood there with bright eyes. I bowed.

"Lady Gilraen," I said with a smile. She beamed.

"Come and see him, Caladiel!" she led Maeglin and I in, showing us into their room and a cradle. She greeted Maeglin softly, who introduced himself stiffly but politely. I bent over the crib, to see a tiny babe lying there wrapped in a blanket. Grey eyes opened and looked at me, thumb stuck in his mouth. I couldn't help the grin that spread over my face.

"Look at you," I whispered to him, gently holding out a finger to trace his cheek.

"His name is Aragorn," Gilraen said softly.

"Hello there, little cousin," I laughed quietly, just as he grabbed my finger and gave me a burbling laugh. "One day, you're gonna make us all proud," I murmured, and he just gave me that silly grin. My heart suddenly hurt to look at him, and I closed my eyes. "May you be blessed, Aragorn, son of Arathorn," I said quietly, then reached into my pocket.

Pulling out the pendant of the golden and beryl wolf, I dangled it above him. He reached out with delight, grasping at it. I bent down to kiss his brow gently, then turned to Gilraen. "I come to give you congratulations, and also to acknowledge my cousin," I said, then held the pendant out to her. "This pendant is my gift to him. If ever he should be in need, or your family, send this. You are my kin in blood if not race."

She took the pendant from me gently, looking down at it, then back up at me. "Thank you," she said softly. "He shall know." Then she reached out to touch my hand. "He will know of his guardian." Her eyes looked into mine.

I said nothing, just inclined my head. "He shall be protected if needed," I replied, then closed her hand over the pendant. "Give Arathorn my greetings," I murmured, and she nodded.

"Can you not stay?"

A small smile curled my lips. "Nay, dear lady. But I shall return in time," I answered, then left with Maeglin.

We stopped to hunt and eat before heading back to the fortress.

"You still have the Greenwood to visit," Maeglin commented off-handedly.

"I do not plan to for a while, yet," I sighed. "The Woodland folk are less wise and more dangerous when it comes to certain matters..."

"I see," was his only answer.

We came back with meat for dinner.

Afterwards, Sauron drew me aside into a smaller room off of the Forge. "What are your plans for the Greenwood?" he asked, bright eyes boring into me.

"What's with all the interest with the Woodland folk?" I asked in annoyance.

"There has been news of more orcs converging in the area," Sauron replied tersely. "During your absence, I had spoken with Aiwendil, who promised to keep me alert as to the state of the failing Greenwood."

A thought suddenly occurred to me. Dear Valar, I hoped I hadn't messed up. What about the entire quest for Erebor? Bilbo was supposed to go on that journey, and he was supposed to find that ring. What was I to do if that had somehow failed? What would become of the ring? Would it be found by someone else? I couldn't afford to let that happen! Things had already changed - the plot I knew might be roughly the same, but the stakes were a lot higher. If this was to be compared to a video game, the entire thing had been leveled up and the boss battle I knew was going to be on a humongous scale because it was _Morgoth_ we were talking about, no offense to my Ada. Although, come to think of it, Morgoth may have more knowledge than Sauron, but his powers might be just on par with Sauron's without the ring. He had already spent too much pouring into the earth itself, which had been greatly negated in the First Age, though it was nothing to turn our noses up at, plus he'd drained what was left into the ring. That might narrow the field a bit - give the Free Peoples a better margin.

"So?" Sauron's impatient answer drew me out of my half-panicked thinking.

"What happened to Erebor?" I suddenly asked. It was on the map, after all. Sauron shot me a slightly irritated glance at my seeming rabbit trail.

"It was taken over by Smaug and the dwarves left homeless," he replied. "What has this-"

"You did nothing about this?" I demanded. Sure, it was kind of a relief, but what had prevented them from helping?

Sauron sighed. "Caladiel, we cannot be everywhere at once. The dwarves we had no alliance with, neither the Greenwood and their King. We left Smaug unchecked because there were other matters at the time that we could not spare to leave unresolved, and by the time it was over, we were too late. There was no chance for us to intervene. Smaug is asleep within the mountain. He poses no threat," he told me, sitting down in a chair.

I clasped my hands behind my back. "And what was this affair?" I asked, not angrily.

"There is always division within the best of ranks at times," Sauron replied stiffly.

I knew there was no coincidence in the timing of that. Apparently, Eru had seen fit to stick His finger in the pie. Sauron was right. Even the best of the best had internal problems that would inevitably come to light sooner or later. With the Faithful's roster, I could only guess the magnitude. There was no doubt in my mind of that truth. It explained much, especially the careful harmony they portrayed now. Truly, Esgalnoron and I had been sent at the right time, when tensions within the group were at their lowest, if not non-existent altogether.

"I doubt it not," I conceded. "As for the answer to your question, I believe that I will pay them a visit in a few years," I said in satisfaction.

"Swift," Sauron commented. My lips twitched at the irony of that statement.

"Perhaps," I replied vaguely. "But don't worry, Ada, I will get around to it," I smiled at him warmly. He just shook his head back, ignoring my oddities as usual.

"Do not take too long," was his only sharp answer.


	14. Spars and Surprises

Chapter 14

"It's been nine months, dear. Any day now," Mum sighed, rubbing her back as she straightened. I looked at my mother, whose face had not much aged during the past few months of pregnancy. She was just days away from the expected due date, and her swollen stomach was a clear indicator of the fact. I was guessing that her and my father's Dunedaín heritage would let them live far past the War of the Ring, provided that they survived the war itself. I refused to think of their mortality.

"Yes, Mum," I replied softly from where I sat in the Forges. Of course, I had an office of my own, but being in it for too long brought up unwanted memories from the one I'd had in Angband. I'd rather not think of it. Besides, the Forge was comfortable and well-accessible to the others who might want to see me.

On the other hand, Mum was right. It had been seven months since I had gone to see the young Aragorn, and I knew that he'd have passed the one-year mark now. According to my calculations, though, in another year I would have to go see to his safety after his father's death. If, on the off chance, Arathorn survived, then all the better. Eru only knew how much I'd inadvertently messed things up.

Which also led me to the fact that I had no idea what to do. I still hadn't seen hair or staff of that meddling grey wizard, and a suspicion as to why had been lingering in my mind for a while now. Perhaps I needed to make a decision first as to what I would be willing to do for the wizard's pending quest to reclaim Erebor, which would happen about nine years from now. I still hadn't made a decision about that yet, though it was on my long list of things to settle.

I hadn't had much time to sit down and work it out due to making sure the Fortress and its occupants were getting settled in properly and in working order. We may not be in war times, but that didn't mean we weren't gearing up for it. Morgoth would not find Hunter's Heath unprepared when he launched his assault on Middle Earth. That also led me into the realization that I still hadn't been able to find time to spar with the Faithful that I'd love to have an opportunity to go toe-to-toe with. Of course, Thurwething and I had been making ourselves respectable again, and had so far been pretty successful, though we knew we wouldn't really reach the same height we'd been at during the War of Wrath until open battle broke out. Not that we really wanted it to. I had made my list pretty big, though, starring Sauron (who would nonetheless beat me but he was so good for improving one's skills that it was irresistible), Dimaethor, and Dad. Which, of course, led me back to Mum.

"You seem excited," she said wryly, and I turned from my desk with a faint smile at her.

"Never doubt it, Mum," I laughed slightly. "But I feel nervous and I'm not even the one having the baby."

She laughed back at me. "I handled you; I'm pretty sure I can handle another," she grinned.

I rolled my eyes. "Who says it'll be a girl?" I replied in a miffed tone.

"Good chance it might be," Mum raised her eyebrows at me while I shrugged.

"Eh. Who knows but Eru," I said cheerfully, then tossed down my quill carelessly. "Ada!" I called to Sauron, who was drowning in papers across the Forge. "We should totally take the rest of the day off and have a sparring match! I need to assess myself," I said lazily, and another head poked around the corner.

"Did someone say spar?" Gwes asked excitedly. "I wanna watch!"

Mum looked somewhat confused. "I know what sparring is, dear, but watch?" she asked.

I stood and went over to kiss her cheek and pat her stomach gently. "A spar between proficient warriors is a popular spectator's sport to watch among a militant group like ours, Mum," I explained. "It is not only entertainment, but also a chance to prove and test prowess in combat; and most importantly, matching a more proficient warrior against a lesser one gives the lesser a chance to learn from a better," I said, and she nodded more understandingly.

"Ah. I see," she sounded somewhat nervous though. "Do you use... live steel?" she asked. I didn't get a chance to answer, as Sauron came up behind Mum.

"Trainees would use wooden or blunted blades, but warriors of our caliber would use live steel in a match," he replied confidently, then raised an eyebrow at the excited Gwes. "You may watch. Go tell the others to meet at the Wereplain," he said wryly, and Gwestiel cheered before sprinting away at an inhuman speed.

"But couldn't you get hurt?" Mum queried anxiously as she accepted my arm to escort her out. Sauron followed us after picking up his chosen weapons.

"Of course, Mum. But since it's a spar, we don't fight to the death. The more proficient the warrior, the better he will be able to turn aside the blade to keep from seriously injuring the opponent. Injuries are unavoidable, but they are not serious unless it is an untrained person," I soothed. "As you know, though, our group is more than amateur," I patted her arm comfortingly. Mum just let out a troubled sigh.

"Well, I hope you know what you're doing..." she replied. Her reaction only cemented my decision that Mum would never see a battle as far as I could help it. She loved to remind us that she had grown up in the middle of a war, but Mum had never seen actual battle. She didn't know the fear it produced, or the horror of blood and the carnage. I never wanted to know. I never wanted her to know. I never wanted my sibling to know.

"We do," Sauron supplied for me. By then, we had reached the Wereplain where the Balrogs were already gathered, as well as several dragons. Braigon was there with Esgalnoron, while Gwes came up a moment later. "They're coming!" she chirped. "Should I set the boundaries?"

"Please," I nodded at her.

"Twice the size of a normal sparring ring," Sauron added, and she nodded before going to enlist Kalarion's help in digging a trench to mark the sides of the ring. The others slowly gathered, and I made sure I had all my weapons as Dad came up to me. Esgalnoron had volunteered to be Mum's chair, which she had graciously accepted. Ancalagon chose to be her umbrella. Over the past months, Mum had grown to appreciate Ancalagon, and was even beginning to like him. Our love was no hidden thing among the rest, and Mum saw that from the get-go. Over time, we knew that she would fully accept the dragon. Although, it did help that Ancalagon chose to use all his charm with her. Mum knew that good and well, but she wasn't above accepting some of his niceties, to everyone's amusement. Dad's especially.

"So, sparring?" he asked me with a faint smile. Our relationship had bettered as well. He still hadn't fully accepted Gwestiel's purpose here, though he did treat her like another daughter, and subsequently acted as a father to her. Gwes didn't mind, even if she was older than him. He and I had settled on a more respectful father-daughter relationship, alternating between that and pure professionalism. It worked well enough.

"Thought it might be a good way to blow off steam and see where we all are," I replied with a similar smile and shrug.

"Can't say I won't enjoy it," he chuckled, loosing his sword by his side. "Dimaethor has proven to be a worthy opponent."

"I have yet to see the both of you in action," I replied dryly. "Time to rectify that."

"From my side too," he pointed out, and we shared a laugh.

"Caladiel! Who shall be judge?" Dimaethor called, trotting up.

"Get one of the Balrogs to do it," I advised. "They're good at that, having overseen it before. Try Nor."

He nodded before going to Norgaladir, who agreed readily. Then Norgaladir asked for participants, and received hands everywhere. He then proceeded to match them up for the first round, making sure the opponents had equal skill. The next round would be more unevenly matched, while the third round would be blatant learning/teaching matches, sometimes called experience matches. They were called that because it gave the person a chance to go against someone more skilled and see how well they would do. For the first match, I'd been paired with Thurwething, while Dad had been paired with Dimaethor. Maeglin was paired with Duvainor, and Sauron was paired with Phanairushir. That one was still a slightly uneven match, but Phanairushir could still most likely hold his own for a considerable while against Sauron compared to the rest of us. I could easily match a troll, but just barely a dragon in humanoid form and certainly not a Balrog or Sauron. I managed snakes, after all.

The first match was between Dad and Dimaethor, which I sat next to Mum to watch. She leaned forwards slightly, eager to see. "Relax, Mum," I chuckled slightly. "They'll be fine."

"I know," she replied absently. "Caracil is here." Her trust in the two healers was unshakable.

"Commence!" Nor roared, and everyone stood or sat in interested silence as the two gauged each other. Dad was the first to go on offensive, using a series of almost blinding attacks that had Dimaethor on guard though not pressed. Dimaethor had a natural advantage being an elf, but had Dad been able to match him in speed and reflexes he would have bested Dimaethor any day. I had a feeling it was also due to not only Dad's Numenorian heritage but also his fighting in future wars. He thought out of the box of normal soldiers in both cases, and proved to be a match for Dimaethor in tactic if not brute strength.

Mum watched almost breathlessly as the match dragged on into the minutes range. Obviously, they were more evenly matched than we thought. Dad's style the way I observed it was less fluid but drawing more on basic martial art styles, using his entire body to defend and attack. His movements weren't choppy, but more smooth in a wave-like fashion of crescendo and rapid fall. It was a style that was all his own. After a good ten minutes though, Nor called time and a draw. Dad and Dimaethor clasped wrists in the Warrior's gesture amidst clapping from the other Faithful. Dad came to join Mum and I a few moments later after he'd been checked over by Caracil.

"Are you alright?" Mum immediately asked, and received a fond kiss.

"I'm fine, darling," he replied with a smile. "Just a little scratch on the arm, that's it."

"Nice style, Dad. Noticed some basic judo and karate in there," I said, impressed. He smiled back.

"Thanks. Dimaethor's been helping me more with it," he answered. We all turned to watch while Maeglin and Duvainor went at it. Their attacks were so fast that had Mum and Dad not been Dunedaín, I knew that they wouldn't have been able to keep track of individual movement. The duel was fast-paced and skilled, but the more experienced was obvious. Duvainor had years and a sharp mind, but Maeglin was hardened by forge work and even more physically skilled than Duvainor due to sheer experience from the war and heavy fighting. Duvainor was almost on-par though, and it was a surprise that he lasted a full five minutes until Maeglin disarmed him with a swift move and held his sword calmly at Duvainor, who conceded calmly.

"A good match, young one. Caladiel has right to be proud," he remarked, and Maeglin bowed to both him and me, while I smiled.

"I may have raised him, sir, but I'm not the one who taught him to fight," I laughed lightly.

"You're not?" Dad sounded surprised.

"No, Dad. Maeglin has the style of an Elven warrior, not of an assassin. His father Eöl taught him, and other prominent warriors of Gondolin polished his training. I could not reveal my own skills at the time, and neither would I willingly teach Maeglin the more... dishonorable method of combat," I answered with a shrug, then stood up.

"Be careful dear," Mum said worriedly as I smiled.

"I will, Mum," I reassured.

"Shall I give you a token of favor?" Ancalagon smirked from high above.

"Oh hush yourself, Ancala," I snorted, rolling my eyes as I headed towards Thurwething and the ring.

"Knock yourself out," Esgalnoron advised while I sighed.

"Don't jinx it, Esgalnoron," I grumbled as he bark-laughed.

"I should've done that," Dad remarked.

"Well I don't have one to give you," I heard Mum reply.

"Well Thurwething, looks like we get to prove ourselves eh?" I asked cheerily. She smirked back.

"I am confident that we can make another stalemate," she replied confidently, and I grinned.

"That's the spirit!" I cheered, and then we stood a good yard apart while waiting for Nor's signal.

"Commence," he declared, bringing down a flaming hand like a red flag, and Thurwething and I just stood there. For a few precious moments, I tried to discern what strategy she would take. The tricky thing about fighting another assassin was the fact that it was just as much a mental match as it was a physical match. We had to keep one step ahead of each other at all times. I had trained her well, though. There was absolutely no sign in her eyes or stance of what she would do. Before anyone could comment on our standoff, though, she moved. It was just a minuscule, tiny shift, but in a matter of seconds both she and I had drawn simple daggers and had leaped forwards. Assassins didn't defend much. We were not for open combat, but our strange circumstances during the War of Wrath had forced us to accommodate. Still though, our movements were more offensive than defensive. In any other case, it would've been unwise because during prolonged battle it would wear energy down, but she and I didn't exactly have human stamina, or even Elven.

Our blades clashed neatly, perfectly off-setting each other. A moment later though, I had to swiftly block another dagger coming up towards my stomach from underneath. That was another thing. Thurwething and I couldn't be paired with anyone else besides bigger or better opponents because we fought dirty, plainly speaking. Neither of us saw the use of chivalry because we hadn't fought anything other than Morgoth's minions, who certainly wouldn't play fair any more than we did. It was just common sense.

The minutes ticked by as we dodged, kicked, ducked, swiftly struck, and parried. I got in a few slight nicks, as did she. By the time Nor called a draw, both of us were slightly bleeding from superficial cuts. We'd heal fast, though, so we hugged and laughed lightly, barely breathless.

"Now that's what I call a spar," I said in satisfaction, feeling relaxed.

"I think we are doing better than before," Thurwething agreed, and we bowed to each other and the applauding others before submitting ourselves to Duvainor and Caracil. They briefly cleaned our thin wounds and applied some salve before sending us off. I went back to Mum and Dad to find that Ancalagon had morphed while Esgalnoron had taken over being shade. Mum greeted me by pulling me down and looking over my mild wounds.

"I'm fine, Mum," I said once she was done. "Satisfied?" I asked with a patient smile.

She let go with a huff. "Well excuse me for caring."

I just cracked a smile at Dad, who inclined his head in acknowledgement. Ancalagon lazily wrapped an arm around my waist. "You're going to need to move faster if you're going against Sauron," he murmured, and I simply nodded.

"I know," I replied. "I will try, but I know that I will never truly match him," I said with a self-deprecating laugh. "Ada is far above me..."

The next rounds went fairly well. I sat out on the second round, then joined for the third. Dad had been paired with Maeglin, who was teaching Dad how to better fight against physically stronger opponents. I joined Sauron over to the side, away from Maeglin and Dad.

"First let me see where you are," Sauron gestured to me with his mace. At least, at the moment. I took in a deep breath. Sparring with Ada always pushed me to my utmost limit. During my peak in the War of Wrath, I probably could have just barely kept up with him for a max of thirty minutes before getting utterly smashed. Now though, I knew that I wouldn't last half that long. Even without his magic, Ada was more than just a proficient fighter.

"Go easy on the first few, Ada," I grinned sheepishly. "The bout with Thurwething wasn't quite enough to get my brain really into battle mode."

Sauron swung the mace easily, raising an eyebrow. "I thought it had not been as long for you," he remarked.

"That doesn't mean I managed to practice," I retorted, then without further ado made a swift lunge for his throat. Of course, I never made it. My daggers clashed with his mace, and another second found me fighting at a speed that I knew Mum and Dad's eyes wouldn't be able to catch. In the time it took to blink, the mace became a sword and Sauron was lunging at me with a speed and precision that I remembered from so long ago. I had long since switched from normal daggers to a specific pair of knives that were forged of a Mithril and steel alloy that Sauron had made for me during the First Age and hadn't been buried with my body. They would be the only thing that could counter his own weapon, which also held a lot of his magic.

Said magic was suddenly utilized as the sword burst into flames, which I just barely managed to avoid being distracted by and instead concentrated on its movements. Normally, I would be calculating the opponent's eyes and stance, but I knew already that that was impossible with Sauron. He could look like one thing and then do the exact opposite. It was foolish to try to read his stances, and I had learned that from him as well. The flaming sword changed into a flaming staff this time, and Sauron launched a double-sided offense that I actually managed better. It wasn't because his skill was any less - if anything, his use of the quarterstaff was almost impossible to follow with the eyes - but rather because I had good hand-eye coordination and could deflect both sides of the staff with my blades better than just one.

Satisfied that I could handle all three weapons, Sauron then chose his personal favorite - a huge sword that I doubt many could have even lifted - and charged at me. I felt like I was fighting for my life, and suddenly found that Sauron was pushing me in more than one way. He knew just as well as I did that once I knew I was fighting for my life, the instincts that had been beaten into me for so many years would immediately come out to the forefront. It would no longer become a spar, but a true life or death situation. Apparently, Sauron thought I needed to be goaded into one. He was more than capable of handling me.

"Ada, no!" I yelled nonetheless. He didn't pause, relentlessly increasing his attack.

"Yes," he snarled back, and I lost control.

I didn't have to think. I don't know how long I was concentrated on the sword and the adrenaline rushing through me, sounds and sights and smells automatically processed and addressed or discarded. All I knew was that at some point, I found myself flat on my back and weapons tossed out of my hands. Normally I wouldn't even hesitate to recover myself, but awareness trickled into my mind of my true surroundings as Sauron leaned over me, staring into my eyes.

I shook my head as he stood back up straight, letting him know that I was fully in control of myself again. I didn't get up. My lungs were straining, aching for breath, but it was a familiar pain. One that I could handle. My body's aches were not enough to make me pay much attention to them either. I just closed my eyes, and breathed. There was a silence on the field.

"You shouldn't have," I finally said, my own voice making me realize for the first time that I was in my darker form. Curling my lip, I let the Flame out again.

"You were tested. You responded," Sauron said curtly. "You were made to be a weapon." He looked at me blankly, though his eyes held anger. Not at me, but another.

I sat up slowly, absently noting that there was a nice slash across my forearms. Duvainor came to wordlessly bind them. "You shouldn't have _pushed me that far_ ," I snarled back, supremely unhappy.

"How else was I to know if the Caladiel we need for the coming War is still with us?" he barked back, swinging his mace over his shoulder. "You need to be in shape."

I nodded in thanks to Duvainor before standing. "Sauron, we were not alone," I hissed. "My mother is here. Gwestiel is here. This was _not_ the place to make me lose control."

He strode up to me, grabbing my hand. I groaned as heat flooded my senses again. "You lose the heat you need to survive every time you fight," he said sternly. "You needed to see your weakness and acknowledge it so it could be fixed. You know that I am more than capable of keeping you down should the need arise."

I felt dizzied by the heat and pulled myself away, stumbling a half step. "Ada... I cannot," I finally rasped, trying to breathe. "I can't... I can't lose-" A sudden convulsion of pain ripped through my body, and the breath was robbed from my lungs.

Esgalnoron was by my side in a flash, and brought his fist down hard on my back. I arched, yelling slightly. Then he hit my back again, and I felt my heart jolt back into motion. Groaning, I bent over to regain breath. "Thanks," I croaked, and Esgalnoron nodded tersely.

"And that too," Sauron mentioned, handing me a small flask. "What do you plan to do when you are in battle and forget this?" he made me take a sip.

I laughed bitterly. "Die, of course," I shrugged. "What else can I do?"

Mum chose to hustle up right then, cradling my head in her hands. "Celine!?"

I sighed and grasped her hands. "I'm fine, Mum," I murmured.

"Not buying that lie this time," she snapped.

"Mum!" I looked into her eyes. "Relax. I will be just _fine._ I told you seizures happen sometimes. Ada made me a potion to take when it happens. It'll be fine," I said slowly and firmly, and she closed her eyes with a pinched expression as Dad came up to wrap a steadying arm around her.

"What happened?" Mum finally asked quietly.

"Heart attack," I explained shortly. Dad gave me a look, and I gave him a tight-lipped smile in reply. He blanched and looked to Mum.

"What?" Mum asked.

"I told you about Beleg and how I have to have heat to supplement now," I reminded her. "If I get too cold, I go into cardiac arrest." It was not a lie. But that was only half the reason I had suffered from a heart attack. The other was one of those that Mum would never know.

Since my time in Angband, Morgoth had done extensive research on me to study the Flame in any way he could. The downside for him was that he couldn't separate it from me or me from it. It was an inherent part of me. The downside for _me_ was the fact that it meant getting picked at, prodded, and pulled apart. That was putting it mildly. It would be more accurate to say that I had been subjected to _experiments_ as a lab rat. As a result, my internal organs weren't exactly in mint condition. I used to be able to heal better, but after giving up my life-force for Beleg, the Flame could only do so much when it was all that was keeping my body relatively functional and moving. So, my heart sometimes gave out from abuse and overuse alike.

Sauron had made a special potion for me to carry around in a small vial since the incident. It would kick-start my heart without anyone else needing to be there. If I couldn't swallow it because I couldn't breathe, then I'd have to inject it into my bloodstream directly through the hollow, needle-like point at the top of the vial. However, that was usually used in the middle of a battle when Esgalnoron wasn't around to jar my heart back into work.

Dad's look had been a discreet query if it was a result of that, and my smile had been answer enough. Any fear I might have had of Mum pressing for details though was suddenly put to rest as she let out a sudden gasp and clung to Dad. A wet patch began to seep through her dress.

"I think my water broke," she squeaked, and Esgalnoron immediately took her and flew towards the Fortress. Caracil and Duvainor swiftly followed, while the rest milled about in concern for Mum.

"Go, Dad," I urged softly, and he looked at me hesitantly. "I promise you, I'll be fine. Reassure Mum of that, please. She needs you," I pushed him gently, and he pressed a kiss to my brow before leaving.

Sauron pressed a hand to my forehead. "You will do fine," he looked at me piercingly. "You should not hide yourself from them."

"Mother will never know," I replied wearily, but my eyes were determined. He just nodded in resignation.

"I know. You are still weak. That was ten minutes," he said, and I snorted.

"I'd never beat you anyway."

Ancalagon came up to make sure I was well while the others gathered around.

"I'm fine, guys. Thanks," I grinned at them exhaustedly. "It'll take some getting used to again."

"Is Lady Alassiel okay?" Gwes asked a little anxiously. I smiled.

"She'll be fine, Gwes. Mum is very strong and she's got Caracil and Duvainor. Besides, where do you think I came from?" I laughed slightly, earning some chuckles. Of course, I felt a little anxious, but not too much. Mum would be fine, I knew that. However, I was still having second thoughts as to her staying here during the war. She'd be safe in either Lóthlorien or Doriath, and she would be welcome in both. I hoped to send her to Doriath once actual war broke out. Dad would assuredly back me up. The only problem was Mum herself: she could be very stubborn sometimes...

We all made our way back into the fortress to quietly wait for news of Mum. Thurwething, I, and the others who had sparred treated our wounds with salve and rewrapped them, while others just sat in the Forge either doing some small work or talking softly to one another. Esgalnoron came back to lie beside me. I knew it might be hours before we heard anything, so I sat down to paperwork after a few prayers to Eru for the safety of Mum, the baby, _and_ Dad. Who knows what my Mum would threaten poor Dad with.

It was a good two hours later before a scream sounded faintly through the hallways. Several spooked, hearing it better with their naturally good ears, and almost all looked to me. I just smiled reassuringly and calmly went back to paperwork. There was no panic in the scream, so everything was fine. They had just begun to marginally relax when another cry echoed down the stone. Several shifted uncomfortably, while Braigon's ears flattened.

"Are you sure everything is well?" Kalarion remarked uncomfortably.

I grinned slightly. "Well guys, as long as there's no panic in the screams, everything is fine. Having a baby hurts y'know," I informed them, and went back to work.

Marcaril suddenly bustled in with a stack of paperwork. He had been compiling accounts of the First Age so that he could finally get to work writing it out, and had also been going around and asking everyone who had lived through the First Age questions about certain events and whatnot. Most everyone in the fortress found his work intriguing, and I, too, had learned things I didn't know before. Gwes had been helping him as well, her handwriting proving to be legible for Marcaril, to his relief and delight.

"Caladiel, I need your help again," he said, sounding harried. Glad for an excuse, I swept the current paperwork aside and took the stack of papers, dropping them on the desktop.

"What do you need?" I asked, and Gwes came as well.

"Congratulations, by the way," Marcaril mentioned, and I chuckled.

"We're not out of the woods yet, but thank you," I replied. He nodded.

"These accounts that I copied from Rivendell and Doriath's libraries are all similar, yet I know they cannot all be accurate. Several of them have conflicting details. Perhaps you could help?" he sounded frustrated, and I sympathized. Going over reports with Sauron during the First Age had been similar, and even worse for me because then I'd have to go make sure they were right.

"Certainly, if I can," I said, and began ruffling through the papers with him and Gwes. It was an hour before we straightened the accounts out with help from a few others, and in the meantime the periodic screaming had been increasing until it was every minute or less. By that time I was feeling sorry for Mum, who had begun to sound exhausted, but I also knew that it was near the end.

Marcaril thanked us and with Gwestiel's help bustled off again, just as the screaming died down. The others looked at me in hope, and I gave them a wide grin. "Give it twenty minutes and we should be hearing news." I didn't have the heart to laugh at their clear relief.

It was thirty minutes later until Caracil came in, looking a bit tired and worn. He smiled though, even if others still looked with horror at the blood on his sleeves and front of his tunic.

"What happened!?" Dimaethor exclaimed. Caracil looked at me and Esgalnoron, and we started snickering.

"You poor, innocent babes," I laughed, feeling more relaxed. Caracil's face had set to rest my worries.

"She is fine. The blood is natural. It was a painful birth, and we had a little panic at the beginning, but she and the babe are well. She's asking for you, Caladiel," Caracil chuckled, and I went to hug him.

"Thank you, Caracil," I said softly, and he patted my back gingerly.

"It was an honor, Caladiel. Fret not," he answered with a smile in his voice. I nodded and gathered up my sleeves, walking as calmly as I could towards the hospital wing of the fortress.

When I got there, it was to hear a few gentle voices. Poked my head in, I grinned. "Is the coast clear to enter, milady?" I teased, and earned chuckling.

"Oh, hush you, and come see your baby brother," Mum said as I approached, and it took my entire willpower not to react to the news. Instead I looked down at the baby who was suckling on his thumb contentedly, eyes closed and fists clenched. Soft, downy brown hair covered the little head, and his skin was pale and fair. Mum held him out to me, smiling wearily but happily as her dark hair stuck to her skin and pooled on the pillow like a halo. I hesitated, sitting down next to Dad.

"I-I'm not used to holding..."

"Take him," Mum insisted, and I gingerly allowed her to settle him in the crook of my arm. He was so light in my arms that for a moment I worried that he was unhealthy. But that was banished when I noticed his ruddy skin. Dad smiled down at him and me proudly. Just then, he decided to open his eyes, and I received a surprise.

"Blue?" I asked, startled. I knew my Dad had had blue eyes when he was younger, which had turned into grey, but my mother did not have blue eyes. It was a rare show of non-dominant genes being displayed.

"It's a surprise to us, too," Dad admitted. The babe burbled, letting out a slightly milky hiccup. I smiled crookedly down at him, feeling clumsy and inexperienced. Would those blue eyes ever have to see war? Would he learn how to wield a weapon? Would he be there for the War of the Ring? If he survived, then he would have at least seventy years to grow up before the War. He would have to learn to fight. My heart sank at the thought. Where would he learn? Here? In Doriath? From who? Would I lose him in battle one day? My baby brother? My eyes misted for a moment, but I blinked them away.

"What is he named?" I asked quietly, dragging a finger down the creamy cheek. A toothless grin followed, and I smiled faintly in amusement as a hand grabbed my finger.

"His name is Conor," Dad was the one who answered.

"You're strong, Conor," I informed the gurgling baby, who was strangling my finger. "I promise, you'll have a better life..." I whispered, sighing. Conor just smiled dumbly. "I'm happy for you, Mum, Dad," I said with a smile.

"He's your brother," Mum said softly, and I handed him back to her.

"Yes. In name," I replied as gently as I could, looking at Mum compassionately. "But I cannot forget, even now in this happy moment, that I am nowhere near to him in heart or mind. He is my brother, and he will be protected. I will try to make sure that he will have a bright future, and that the name he shall inherit one day will be one that he can bear proudly. He is of noble lineage, a child of the line of Isildur and Eärendil, the ones whose lines I serve." I looked at her gravely. "One day, he will inherit Dad's position, and as a minor sister of his household, it will be my duty to protect him and make sure that my actions do not cause him embarrassment. This is my duty, and the highest honor I can confer to him," my eyes softened at her stricken look.

"Mum, I wish we were a closer family. Life, however, has not decided to allow me that. I have always been a servant," I looked down at my hands clasped in front of me. "I am a lowly assassin, the least servant of Melkor, brother of Manwë," I said quietly, my hair covering my eyes. "Conor Ciaranson is not just my brother - he will one day have legitimate claim to me and my services. In the meantime, it is my duty to make sure that his future will be as unshadowed as I can. My work has just begun, to trailblaze a path in the world for my brother."

There was a silence as I stood there, hands clenched tightly. "Your name has already been shadowed by my reputation. From now on, I must make sure that my actions do not marr my family's name any longer. Forgive me," I bowed to both of them deeply. "As a daughter, I should be better."

"Celine..." Mum's hand reached out to me.

"So, this is the reason you have been reserved around me," Dad said softly.

Tears sprang to my eyes and hovered there, while I was unsure whether to let them fall or not. "I have wronged you," I said, guilt eating at me. I hadn't wanted this path, but I was put on it anyway. As always, there were so many stipulations to it, so many boundaries I had tripped over. I had been trained to get back up, but I had not been trained to treat my wounds. As a measly assassin, no matter how skilled or valued, I was still nothing more than a tool. I had known that my position in Angband was tentative, and there would be no special exceptions made for me. I was free to do what was necessary, but if I proved to be pushing the envelope too far, I was punished for my impudence. Thus, it did not matter how many times I fell or got injured. I was expected to bear the pain without a word and go on. Was it a wonder that I did not know how to patch anything within myself? Was it a wonder that I had scarred so much and so deeply? And yet, pain had become a normal thing for me... How was I supposed to learn to not expect it, anticipate it even?

"How could you have? You are the leader of the Faithful - or at least, you once were. What better honor is there than that?" Mum demanded. This time, slight annoyance bubbled up in me, though I was sure not to let it show.

"Culture here is different," was all I said. "The heirs of Isildur should not be honored to have an assassin among their ranks. It is not a profession for the Dunedaín to condone or boast. The fact that I am one of the Faithful is a thin veneer that offers me acceptance among the Dunedaín, but even Lord Arathorn does not openly accept me as one of them. He told me personally that I am not counted as one of them. I am an elf, not a human." My bangs were still covering my eyes, and though I was no longer bowing, my head was tilted down.

"Nonsense," Mum said sharply. "It's not like you had a choice."

"Alassiel, darling, I don't think you understand," Dad said, and I was so grateful for him. He, like me, understood both cultures and where I was coming from. "She's right. Her position among the Dunedaín is only that of an ally, and that is because she is one of the Faithful. You and I are used to such things as the CIA, but the truth is that here, that is looked upon as being cowardly. To be in league with an assassin is shameful, because their profession is not honest combat. They detest back-stabbing, though they expect it because of the way of the world," Dad tried to explain. "Their culture is that of honor and nobility. The Rangers may be under cover, but they fight fairly, not like an assassin."

"I suppose I can understand that," Mum agreed, "but what does it matter? Celine should be who she is."

Dad and I exchanged a look. "Honey, she's an ambassador. She represents to the rest of the Free People who the Faithful are. It is politics, a mire that must be trod carefully. Sauron is the true leader, but she is the emblem of the Faithful. It is on her shoulders that the burden of appearance rests, and not everyone will trust her, who was once an assassin deep within the enemy's counsel," Dad held her hand. "She feels trapped, because she feels that as family she is failing us, but on the other hand on the political front, she cannot afford to forget the fact that Conor is technically of nobility as first cousin of Lord Aragorn's new son. One day, he may well be called to be a noble of young Lord Aragorn's court, and when that time comes, his reputation with the people will be important," Dad took a deep breath, so I jumped in.

"Also according to culture, I am Conor's sister, and that gives me a small amount of status that Arathorn cannot deny me, though he knows that I take no interest in assuming any of the rights or little power that comes with that position. At the same time, though, I cannot remain separate from Conor. Our relationship _will_ be known sooner or later, and until that time comes when he is ready to take on his duties as a noble, then I must make sure that no act of mine will give people an excuse to sully his name. Already the fact that I am an assassin will cause suspicion that I may train him in my own skill set, and rumors will never truly die down. This is my predicament. On one side, my family calls me to love; but I am blocked because right now, to truly love him means to keep my distance as a protector and a defender of his name." I didn't falter, though my shoulders hunched slightly.

Mum was quiet again, looking down at Conor's face. "I'm sorry," she finally whispered. "I did not know that... that having another child would burden-"

"He is a _blessing_ ," I cut her off immediately, knowing that I could not allow her to go there. "It is my _duty_ and my _honor_ to look after the name of this family," my voice was hard. "I am a servant, and I am an assassin. I am not ashamed of who I am. But neither can I allow myself to forget my position in the sight of others, and act accordingly. I will stumble and fall, but your safety and your happiness has always been my ultimate goal. Why do you think I am motivated to serve this world with my last breath? Because it's just my _duty_? No, it's because the better the world is, the happier my family and others that I care for will be." I looked away. "And because as a servant of Melkor, my duty is to keep balance in the world," my hand crept to the necklace at my throat. Then I sighed and looked towards my new baby brother and my parents.

I walked forward, and kissed Mum's cheek reverently, then Conor's hand, then bowed to Dad. "I love you," I looked at them with a pained smile. "But I must do this for you. I'm sorry, but my hands are tied. I am willing to do this, because of my love for you." Then bowing once more, I left. Throwing my hood over my head, I began to walk towards the main gate.

One the way, Esgalnoron came up to me. "Where are you going?"

"For a walk," I snarled, and he nodded calmly.

"I'll come with you," he replied steadily, as I knew he would. He knew my moods better than anyone else. Everyone else who passed us in the hall didn't say anything, not foolish enough to ignore the clear warning signs around me. Hey, it wasn't my fault that I was used to projecting a miasma of deadliness around me!

I broke into a run across the Wereplain, Esgalnoron loping beside me in wolf form. We entered the trees and I kept running, even leaping up into the trees to leap from branch to branch and head somewhere, anywhere. Just away from the pain that threatened to swallow me alive, practically drooling. Physical pain I could handle, but emotional pain? I was already a wreck. Could I really afford to add another issue on top of all that?

Thankfully, Esgalnoron had Faelon, so I ran and ran until my legs gave out - which was a ways - then stopped in a tree to catch my breath. Esgalnoron sat, barely panting. Faelon squeaked.

"We should go to Lóthlorien," Esgalnoron said, suddenly morphing into a dragon.

"What for?" I asked, sounding calmer. The restlessness was still there, though, gnawing at me until I felt like shaking despite my deeply ingrained habit to stay inhumanly still.

"Just to. Sauron owes you a break anyway," he said, and made a connection to the Maia, who just shrugged and told us to be back before a week. Esgalnoron tossed me Faelon, who I caught and petted absently as he purred happily.

"Why there?"

"Cause you need some heat and the right company," Esgalnoron then proceeded to scoop me up and fly off. I sighed, knowing that even if I disagreed Esgalnoron would ignore me anyway. I just held on to Faelon, resigning myself.

When we finally arrived at Lóthlorien, I pocketed Esgalnoron and Faelon alike while heading to the main talan. It was Amarië who greeted me with surprise as I bowed deeply. "My Queen," I said.

"Rise, Caladiel. What brings you to Lóthlorien so unexpectedly?" she asked, holding out a hand to me.

"Not entirely unexpected," Galadriel's voice said, and I smirked somewhat bitterly. Of course she would know.

"Did the mirror give you a reason as well, lady Galadriel?" I asked, though politely.

Her amusement was in her small smile. "Training," she said simply, and I chuckled darkly.

"I take your permission gladly," I said with a rather fanged smile.

"Findaráto will no doubt be waiting when he gets back and finds out that you have come," was her only reply before drifting away. "Haldir is expecting you."

I bowed before heading towards the training grounds, managing to not lose myself thanks to my training. Haldir was at the sparring ring when I arrived, sitting in the branch of a tree. He and quite a few other guards were doing their exercises, and two Galadhrim were sparring under his watchful eye. Not too far away was an archery turf where other Galadhrim were training. I watched the sparring, noting strengths and weaknesses. Tilting my head, I watched even more closely as Haldir himself began to instruct the two. He suddenly conducted a move to demonstrate, and my eyes narrowed immediately. That was a dangerous stance to -

The warrior's blade suddenly slipped from his grasp, flying towards the unprepared spectators. A moment later, it was cut in half by a single Mithril blade, while a startled silence fell. I picked up the pieces of the broken sword, looking at it.

"That is a dangerous stance to take when trying to recreate that particular stroke," I observed mildly, fitting the pieces of the blades together. My fingers began to glow blue, and the iron slowly turned red. I welded the blade together, smoothing away the cracks as it cooled slowly. Then I swung it, heading into the ring.

"This is a good sword," I handed it back to the stunned and pale warrior. "Your balance must be similar to me." I bowed to Haldir. "Captain."

Haldir bowed back. "Thanks and welcome," he replied, recovering himself rapidly.

"Lady Galadriel has mentioned you expected me," I said, raising an eyebrow.

"The lady mentioned that you had come to help us," he replied diplomatically, and I smiled slightly.

"Indeed? Well then, shall we start?" I asked, ignoring the looks that the other Galadhrim sent my way.

"As you wish," Haldir assented somewhat stiffly from decorum. I didn't say anything, knowing that it wasn't my place to cajole him out of his defensive shell.

The heat, as Esgalnoron had said, was allowing my mind to clear, and I was eager to work out the tension I felt in my neck. By the time I dismissed the warriors and joined Findaráto and the others for dinner, I was feeling much better. The life ahead was certainly going to be interesting.


	15. AN

_Hey there!_

 _Sorry you guys for leaving so long without a word._

 _Looking back over this, I found that I just don't know if I want to devote time to this right now. I won't say I'm discontinuing it, but neither do I really want to spend time continuing it at this time. Instead, I'd like to focus on some of my other works._

 _I'm sorry to those who have been following this, and thank you for your time and interest! I will endeavor to one day come back to it and complete it if I can._

 _Thank you to those who have stuck with me this far, and I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have writing it._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Kiya Námiel_


End file.
